Remember When (Chapters 18-19)
Title: Remember When
Author: sunalsosets
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,977
Summary: Luke reveals something shocking to Noah
Pairings: Luke/Noah, Luke/Reid, Noah/OMC
Disclaimer: Characters belong to ATWT. Done for entertainment, not for profit.
Previous Chapters: Chapters 16-17
Author's Note: Well another short but very important update. This ends Part II of the story. I'll probably take a few days to post the first few chapters from Part III but don't worry, I'm still a few chapters ahead and I've been writing tirelessly the last few days. Not just because I really want to finish and make sure I stay on course but semester is about to start and I want the story done before I get buried in teaching assignments and classes. So read and enjoy.
Chapter 18
“What the hell,” the voice in Noah’s head screamed.
He was kissing Luke or rather Luke was kissing him but either way, it had to stop and it had to stop now. But rather than stopping, Noah felt his mouth opening wider, almost with a power of its own.
Somewhere in the distance, there was the sound of a soft, deep and hungry sigh. It took Noah a moment to realize the sound actually came from him. Luke’s hand had meanwhile gently snaked its way up Noah’s neck, his fingers tenderly toying with the bit of curls softly nestled there.
Their tongues found each other’s simultaneously, quickly wrapping together and beginning a slow and seductive mating dance. The dance started slowly, almost like a tease, both a little hesitant and unsure, before gently reacquainting themselves with each other’s taste. Eventually things grew more and more intense until their hands were clutching tightly at each other.
It was at that point Luke groaned loudly and hungrily into Noah’s mouth, the sound resonating from deep in his throat and it was enough to wake Noah up to the reality of what they were doing.
“Stop,” Noah muttered softly. Luke, who was still in a foggy haze, remained oblivious to Noah’s words and blissfully continued nibbling at his lips.
“Stop,” Noah yelled, desperation now in his voice, seconds before he gently disentangled himself from Luke’s body. “We…we can’t do this, Luke,” he stammered.
“Why,” Luke asked, sounding heartbroken, as he stared up at Noah with wide, emotional eyes.
“What do you mean why?” Noah asked incredulously. “My boyfriend is in this building, just a few floors up and you also have a boyfriend. I know things are a little rough right now between you two but…”
“I don’t.”
Noah was right in the middle of giving Luke some generic speech about how things would get better with Reid when Luke quietly and almost numbly replied that he didn’t have a boyfriend.
“What,” Noah asked softly, disbelief in his voice.
“I don’t have a boyfriend,” Luke repeated, the words still sounding devoid of any emotion.
“I know Reid left town but I thought it was just to clear his head and that you two were fine.”
Voice sounding strained, like he was fighting desperately to keep his emotions in check, Luke said, “That’s just the story I tell people because it’s less embarrassing and painful than admitting the truth.”
“Which is what,” Noah asked, not a trace of criticism in his voice.
“That Reid left and I don’t know where he is. I got home one day and he was just gone with nothing left but a note saying that he couldn’t do this anymore.”
“Luke, I’m…”
“Don’t,” Luke said, “don’t say how sorry you are for me. I don’t want your pity Noah.”
The only thing Noah could say was a soft, mumbled, “okay.” And before he could think of anything else to add, Luke stunned him by quietly stating, “I just want you.”
“What,” Noah whispered, sounding completely stunned. “Luke, I…I’m with someone.”
“I know,” Luke said, reaching desperately for Noah’s shirt, holding on tightly to it. “And I know that you don’t want to hurt him but it’s me and it’s you and we love each other just like we always have and if we…”
It broke Noah’s heart to see Luke so sad and clearly in so much pain but he knew this couldn’t happen and Luke needed to hear the truth. Tenderly reaching for Luke’s hands clutched tightly in his shirt, he gently tugged them off before putting some distance between them.
“You don’t want me Luke. You’re hurting and in pain over Reid’s leaving and I’m familiar. But I refuse to be your back-up plan.”
“But I don’t think you are,” Luke cried out. “That’s not what this is.”
“Really,” Noah snapped. His hurt at Luke’s audacity to think that he’d be ready and willing the second Reid no longer wanted him, had quickly manifested into anger.
“So the fact that you just happened to realize how much you love me and how much we belong together, right after Reid walked out on you is just a coincidence?” Noah angrily stated. “You had two years Luke, two years to realize this. Do you know how many months I spent when I first got to California daydreaming about you showing up at my apartment to tell me how wrong you were and how much you wanted to be with me? How many nights I dreamt about that, had it pictured so clearly in my…”
“I did show up.”
“What?”
“I did show up in California.”
“You’re lying,” Noah whispered but he saw the look in Luke’s eyes and knew he was telling the truth.
“I got your address a few weeks after you left,” Luke stated softly, “it really wasn’t that hard. I refused to think about why I needed to know where you were and why I had to hold onto it but I did. Then six months after you left, I flew to Los Angeles for a meeting with a donor for the Foundation. I told everyone I needed to be there for five days but the meeting only took two. I spent the rest of the time building up the courage to go see you and then the day before I left, I finally did.”
Noah remained silent, quietly taking in every word Luke was saying. His face looked mostly calm and relaxed but his eyes betrayed the truth. They were cloudy with unshed tears, an avalanche of questions and emotions reflected in them.
“I got to your apartment complex, pulled up to your building and just as I was about to get out of the car, I saw you,” Luke took a heavy breath, the memories of that day rushing back to him and with it, all the emotions he’d felt in that moment.
“You were with someone. I’m guessing now it was probably Adam. I could only see him from the back but I saw your face clearly. I saw you smile at him and laugh at something he said, saw you draw him into your arms but most of all I saw you happy and glowing and looking more perfect than I’d seen you in a long time and so I left.”
“Why did you come in the first place,” Noah choked out, the swell of his emotions affecting his voice. “What did you want to say to me?”
“Honestly, I wasn’t sure,” Luke said. “I just knew that I had thought about you every single day after you left Oakdale, thought about every single memory, moment of our life together and most of all, I knew how much I missed you…”
“You told me we were never right for each other,” Noah interrupted. “I asked you to come with me and you said those words, told me you were in love with Reid.”
“I know,” Luke cried, tears flowing freely down his face by this point. “That’s why I felt like I had no right to tell you these things, to tell you that I missed you, to tell you that as attracted to Reid as I was, as in love with him as I thought I was; I could never stop comparing him to you and the ways he didn’t measure up. And it’s why I knew when I saw your face that day, so happy, I knew that I had no right to mess up that happiness just because I realized I may have made a really, really stupid choice.”
Noah seemed stunned as he nervously ran a hand through his hair.
“So what do you want from me now?”
“You,” Luke said softly, “I just want you.”
Noah stared at Luke’s tear-streaked face, all his emotions raw and laid bare for Noah and it almost destroyed him to say what he did but he knew it was the right thing.
“I’m not yours to have…not anymore. I’m with someone else, Luke. I love him.”
Luke said nothing, only acknowledging Noah’s words with a simple head nod. But as Noah tried to step forward, to offer some comfort, no matter how awkward and uncomfortable, Luke wouldn’t let him.
“I have to go,” he stuttered out.
“Luke, listen we can talk about…”
“There’s nothing to talk about. You made your feelings clear and I...I get it. Goodbye Noah.”
And with that, he was gone.
Chapter 19
Noah didn’t hear from Luke for the next two weeks. He called multiple times but all the calls went unanswered. He couldn’t say he was surprised. He knew how hard it was for Luke to be so open and vulnerable to him, only to have it thrown back in his face with Noah’s rejection.
But Noah believed then and he believed now that he’d made the right decision. Too much had happened in their lives for them to just pick things back up. Not to mention the fact that there was someone else’s feelings to consider.
In the quiet moments with his thoughts, Noah was honest enough to admit that what he felt for Adam was nowhere as intense as his feelings for Luke had been almost from the start. But he’d slowly realized over time that it didn’t mean those feelings were any less real…they were just different. And, he thought to himself, look what all that passion and intensity had gotten him and Luke.
They’d broken up multiple times, had many issues with communication, trust and ultimately had imploded leaving him broken and bitter when things had finally ended. Adam made him happy and he liked their life together. Their relationship was simple and easy and after everything he’d been through, Noah felt like simple and easy was exactly what he needed in his life.
***There was a bounce in Adam’s step. He was done for the day. He was all set to clock out and be done with the hospital for the next eight hours. He couldn’t wait to get home, shower, eat and call his boyfriend and hopefully this time they both wouldn’t be too tired to get intimate over the phone.
Adam had just turned the corner to head into the lockers and change out of his scrubs when his pager went off. He barely had a moment to groan when one of the nurses on duty walked up to him.
“Not so fast buddy; got an emergency coming in that you’re needed on.”
“But I’m almost done. I could sneak out and you can pretend you never saw me,” Adam whined. He didn’t mean it of course. No matter how exhausted he got sometimes, how many times he felt like he could barely move; the fact was he lived for this stuff. Being a doctor was truly his passion in every sense of the word.
“So what do we have?” he asked, body already alert and already back in full surgeon mode.
“Twenty-five year old,” the nurse said, “car crash into a tree, probably a DUI. Sounds like multiple injuries and possible brain damage.”
Adam made a mental note of everything and calmly followed the nurse to the hospital entrance, to await the paramedics.
***Noah had been expecting Adam’s call. They made a habit of keeping track of each other’s schedule since it was the only way to really catch each other long enough to have entire phone conversations.
“Hey,” he happily answered, “I was just thinking about you. How was work?”
“Still at work,” Adam said, sounding a little stiff. “That’s actually why I’m calling.”
Something was wrong. Noah could sense it almost immediately and as the hairs on the back of his neck stood on end, his heart began racing rapidly.
“Noah,” Adam said softly, “Luke’s been in an accident.”
Author: sunalsosets
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,977
Summary: Luke reveals something shocking to Noah
Pairings: Luke/Noah, Luke/Reid, Noah/OMC
Disclaimer: Characters belong to ATWT. Done for entertainment, not for profit.
Previous Chapters: Chapters 16-17
Author's Note: Well another short but very important update. This ends Part II of the story. I'll probably take a few days to post the first few chapters from Part III but don't worry, I'm still a few chapters ahead and I've been writing tirelessly the last few days. Not just because I really want to finish and make sure I stay on course but semester is about to start and I want the story done before I get buried in teaching assignments and classes. So read and enjoy.
Chapter 18
“What the hell,” the voice in Noah’s head screamed.
He was kissing Luke or rather Luke was kissing him but either way, it had to stop and it had to stop now. But rather than stopping, Noah felt his mouth opening wider, almost with a power of its own.
Somewhere in the distance, there was the sound of a soft, deep and hungry sigh. It took Noah a moment to realize the sound actually came from him. Luke’s hand had meanwhile gently snaked its way up Noah’s neck, his fingers tenderly toying with the bit of curls softly nestled there.
Their tongues found each other’s simultaneously, quickly wrapping together and beginning a slow and seductive mating dance. The dance started slowly, almost like a tease, both a little hesitant and unsure, before gently reacquainting themselves with each other’s taste. Eventually things grew more and more intense until their hands were clutching tightly at each other.
It was at that point Luke groaned loudly and hungrily into Noah’s mouth, the sound resonating from deep in his throat and it was enough to wake Noah up to the reality of what they were doing.
“Stop,” Noah muttered softly. Luke, who was still in a foggy haze, remained oblivious to Noah’s words and blissfully continued nibbling at his lips.
“Stop,” Noah yelled, desperation now in his voice, seconds before he gently disentangled himself from Luke’s body. “We…we can’t do this, Luke,” he stammered.
“Why,” Luke asked, sounding heartbroken, as he stared up at Noah with wide, emotional eyes.
“What do you mean why?” Noah asked incredulously. “My boyfriend is in this building, just a few floors up and you also have a boyfriend. I know things are a little rough right now between you two but…”
“I don’t.”
Noah was right in the middle of giving Luke some generic speech about how things would get better with Reid when Luke quietly and almost numbly replied that he didn’t have a boyfriend.
“What,” Noah asked softly, disbelief in his voice.
“I don’t have a boyfriend,” Luke repeated, the words still sounding devoid of any emotion.
“I know Reid left town but I thought it was just to clear his head and that you two were fine.”
Voice sounding strained, like he was fighting desperately to keep his emotions in check, Luke said, “That’s just the story I tell people because it’s less embarrassing and painful than admitting the truth.”
“Which is what,” Noah asked, not a trace of criticism in his voice.
“That Reid left and I don’t know where he is. I got home one day and he was just gone with nothing left but a note saying that he couldn’t do this anymore.”
“Luke, I’m…”
“Don’t,” Luke said, “don’t say how sorry you are for me. I don’t want your pity Noah.”
The only thing Noah could say was a soft, mumbled, “okay.” And before he could think of anything else to add, Luke stunned him by quietly stating, “I just want you.”
“What,” Noah whispered, sounding completely stunned. “Luke, I…I’m with someone.”
“I know,” Luke said, reaching desperately for Noah’s shirt, holding on tightly to it. “And I know that you don’t want to hurt him but it’s me and it’s you and we love each other just like we always have and if we…”
It broke Noah’s heart to see Luke so sad and clearly in so much pain but he knew this couldn’t happen and Luke needed to hear the truth. Tenderly reaching for Luke’s hands clutched tightly in his shirt, he gently tugged them off before putting some distance between them.
“You don’t want me Luke. You’re hurting and in pain over Reid’s leaving and I’m familiar. But I refuse to be your back-up plan.”
“But I don’t think you are,” Luke cried out. “That’s not what this is.”
“Really,” Noah snapped. His hurt at Luke’s audacity to think that he’d be ready and willing the second Reid no longer wanted him, had quickly manifested into anger.
“So the fact that you just happened to realize how much you love me and how much we belong together, right after Reid walked out on you is just a coincidence?” Noah angrily stated. “You had two years Luke, two years to realize this. Do you know how many months I spent when I first got to California daydreaming about you showing up at my apartment to tell me how wrong you were and how much you wanted to be with me? How many nights I dreamt about that, had it pictured so clearly in my…”
“I did show up.”
“What?”
“I did show up in California.”
“You’re lying,” Noah whispered but he saw the look in Luke’s eyes and knew he was telling the truth.
“I got your address a few weeks after you left,” Luke stated softly, “it really wasn’t that hard. I refused to think about why I needed to know where you were and why I had to hold onto it but I did. Then six months after you left, I flew to Los Angeles for a meeting with a donor for the Foundation. I told everyone I needed to be there for five days but the meeting only took two. I spent the rest of the time building up the courage to go see you and then the day before I left, I finally did.”
Noah remained silent, quietly taking in every word Luke was saying. His face looked mostly calm and relaxed but his eyes betrayed the truth. They were cloudy with unshed tears, an avalanche of questions and emotions reflected in them.
“I got to your apartment complex, pulled up to your building and just as I was about to get out of the car, I saw you,” Luke took a heavy breath, the memories of that day rushing back to him and with it, all the emotions he’d felt in that moment.
“You were with someone. I’m guessing now it was probably Adam. I could only see him from the back but I saw your face clearly. I saw you smile at him and laugh at something he said, saw you draw him into your arms but most of all I saw you happy and glowing and looking more perfect than I’d seen you in a long time and so I left.”
“Why did you come in the first place,” Noah choked out, the swell of his emotions affecting his voice. “What did you want to say to me?”
“Honestly, I wasn’t sure,” Luke said. “I just knew that I had thought about you every single day after you left Oakdale, thought about every single memory, moment of our life together and most of all, I knew how much I missed you…”
“You told me we were never right for each other,” Noah interrupted. “I asked you to come with me and you said those words, told me you were in love with Reid.”
“I know,” Luke cried, tears flowing freely down his face by this point. “That’s why I felt like I had no right to tell you these things, to tell you that I missed you, to tell you that as attracted to Reid as I was, as in love with him as I thought I was; I could never stop comparing him to you and the ways he didn’t measure up. And it’s why I knew when I saw your face that day, so happy, I knew that I had no right to mess up that happiness just because I realized I may have made a really, really stupid choice.”
Noah seemed stunned as he nervously ran a hand through his hair.
“So what do you want from me now?”
“You,” Luke said softly, “I just want you.”
Noah stared at Luke’s tear-streaked face, all his emotions raw and laid bare for Noah and it almost destroyed him to say what he did but he knew it was the right thing.
“I’m not yours to have…not anymore. I’m with someone else, Luke. I love him.”
Luke said nothing, only acknowledging Noah’s words with a simple head nod. But as Noah tried to step forward, to offer some comfort, no matter how awkward and uncomfortable, Luke wouldn’t let him.
“I have to go,” he stuttered out.
“Luke, listen we can talk about…”
“There’s nothing to talk about. You made your feelings clear and I...I get it. Goodbye Noah.”
And with that, he was gone.
Chapter 19
Noah didn’t hear from Luke for the next two weeks. He called multiple times but all the calls went unanswered. He couldn’t say he was surprised. He knew how hard it was for Luke to be so open and vulnerable to him, only to have it thrown back in his face with Noah’s rejection.
But Noah believed then and he believed now that he’d made the right decision. Too much had happened in their lives for them to just pick things back up. Not to mention the fact that there was someone else’s feelings to consider.
In the quiet moments with his thoughts, Noah was honest enough to admit that what he felt for Adam was nowhere as intense as his feelings for Luke had been almost from the start. But he’d slowly realized over time that it didn’t mean those feelings were any less real…they were just different. And, he thought to himself, look what all that passion and intensity had gotten him and Luke.
They’d broken up multiple times, had many issues with communication, trust and ultimately had imploded leaving him broken and bitter when things had finally ended. Adam made him happy and he liked their life together. Their relationship was simple and easy and after everything he’d been through, Noah felt like simple and easy was exactly what he needed in his life.
***There was a bounce in Adam’s step. He was done for the day. He was all set to clock out and be done with the hospital for the next eight hours. He couldn’t wait to get home, shower, eat and call his boyfriend and hopefully this time they both wouldn’t be too tired to get intimate over the phone.
Adam had just turned the corner to head into the lockers and change out of his scrubs when his pager went off. He barely had a moment to groan when one of the nurses on duty walked up to him.
“Not so fast buddy; got an emergency coming in that you’re needed on.”
“But I’m almost done. I could sneak out and you can pretend you never saw me,” Adam whined. He didn’t mean it of course. No matter how exhausted he got sometimes, how many times he felt like he could barely move; the fact was he lived for this stuff. Being a doctor was truly his passion in every sense of the word.
“So what do we have?” he asked, body already alert and already back in full surgeon mode.
“Twenty-five year old,” the nurse said, “car crash into a tree, probably a DUI. Sounds like multiple injuries and possible brain damage.”
Adam made a mental note of everything and calmly followed the nurse to the hospital entrance, to await the paramedics.
***Noah had been expecting Adam’s call. They made a habit of keeping track of each other’s schedule since it was the only way to really catch each other long enough to have entire phone conversations.
“Hey,” he happily answered, “I was just thinking about you. How was work?”
“Still at work,” Adam said, sounding a little stiff. “That’s actually why I’m calling.”
Something was wrong. Noah could sense it almost immediately and as the hairs on the back of his neck stood on end, his heart began racing rapidly.
“Noah,” Adam said softly, “Luke’s been in an accident.”