someday we'll know why I wasn't made for you
I feel like writing here now 'cause I feel like unloading my frustration a bit.
It's so, so hard to just keep going when you feel like where you're going is nowhere. It's so hard to wish for things that, deep down, you have the feeling you won't get. And when you think hard about it, you don't even know if you really want them. Or you question yourself wanting them just because you feel like you can't have them.
For once I just wanted to have what I want. Not what's best, not what'll make me happy. Just what I want. I'm tired of wishing. I'm tired of having the things my way only in my head. Right now, I'm not worried about suffering afterwards. If that's what'll happen if I get what I want, I deal with it, like always dealt with things that make me suffer 'cause I didn't get what I wanted.
I know that maybe I should do something so the things I want will come true, but I guess that's part of my wish, that things will happen regardless of my actions.
Could I please, just this once, get what I want?
It's so, so hard to just keep going when you feel like where you're going is nowhere. It's so hard to wish for things that, deep down, you have the feeling you won't get. And when you think hard about it, you don't even know if you really want them. Or you question yourself wanting them just because you feel like you can't have them.
For once I just wanted to have what I want. Not what's best, not what'll make me happy. Just what I want. I'm tired of wishing. I'm tired of having the things my way only in my head. Right now, I'm not worried about suffering afterwards. If that's what'll happen if I get what I want, I deal with it, like always dealt with things that make me suffer 'cause I didn't get what I wanted.
I know that maybe I should do something so the things I want will come true, but I guess that's part of my wish, that things will happen regardless of my actions.
Could I please, just this once, get what I want?