(no subject)
I just forced myself to look at something and now i feel sick. Not because it's disgusting, but because maybe it's not something i was ready to see. my curiosity was killing me, but now i'm not pleased with the answers. it's weird because i already knew, and i was completely okay with it. i guess being aware of something and actually seeing it are totally different. even though you know something, there is still things left to the imagination, and you mix the facts with what you want to believe. but visually seeing it smacks you with reality and unleashes the most powerful emotions, which explains the knot in my stomach. i don't feel upset, just uncomfortable. everything feels safe and familiar until you realize you're no longer in the picture. i stared for a few seconds; the truth needed to set in so i can accept it and keep swimming!
It's been a rough couple of days. it's the final week of school which speaks for itself. my job has become a love/hate thing that gets pretty extreme. when i'm happy, i'm on top of the world (and usually drunk), but when i'm angry, i'm fucking livid. i shut down and get these crazy thoughts and promise myself that it's the last weekend i'll ever work at that crazy place. but my anger doesn't last long and i go back to being happy, therefore procrastinating my hunt for a new job. and then the cycle is repeated the very next weekend. luckily nobody harassed me about last weekend today, which was a nice surprise. amalia didn't say a word, and that makes me like her more as a person.
what i really want to know is why after you hook up with somebody, you seem to hear their name everywhere? charlie is not really a common name, but everywhere i turn, there it seems to be. i've watched oprah twice this week. the first time she was interviewing tom hanks about his new movie, titled "Charlie Wilson's War" or something. okay fine. the second time she had Mitch Albom, who was talking about his book where the main character's name is Charlie. that's only two examples, but i swear that name keeps popping up. suddenly the world is full of charlie's. is it just that i was previously oblivious to the name b/c it had no significance to me, or is there someone out there who just wants me to be haunted for the stupid things i do? it's working...
It's been a rough couple of days. it's the final week of school which speaks for itself. my job has become a love/hate thing that gets pretty extreme. when i'm happy, i'm on top of the world (and usually drunk), but when i'm angry, i'm fucking livid. i shut down and get these crazy thoughts and promise myself that it's the last weekend i'll ever work at that crazy place. but my anger doesn't last long and i go back to being happy, therefore procrastinating my hunt for a new job. and then the cycle is repeated the very next weekend. luckily nobody harassed me about last weekend today, which was a nice surprise. amalia didn't say a word, and that makes me like her more as a person.
what i really want to know is why after you hook up with somebody, you seem to hear their name everywhere? charlie is not really a common name, but everywhere i turn, there it seems to be. i've watched oprah twice this week. the first time she was interviewing tom hanks about his new movie, titled "Charlie Wilson's War" or something. okay fine. the second time she had Mitch Albom, who was talking about his book where the main character's name is Charlie. that's only two examples, but i swear that name keeps popping up. suddenly the world is full of charlie's. is it just that i was previously oblivious to the name b/c it had no significance to me, or is there someone out there who just wants me to be haunted for the stupid things i do? it's working...