you greedy little bastard...you will get what you deserve.
So... i dont really have much of anything to say.
I'm stll unhappy as hell, tho some days are better than others.
Marc pretty much blew me off last night to get drunk: whatever, his choice. And there was no purpose in being upset about it but i was. Went to deep river for Michael and went for a 2.5 hour drive all over the state... finally broke down and cried for the first time since marc killed me.. i was pissed that i did it but at the same time i was kind of glad to see even some faint spark of my old passion back. Michael and I yelled at eachother and then talked and i explained a lot to him..my stubborn nature and how im a fighter, not a lover, tho i love one person in the world more than life itself. I think now maybe he understnads why i AM the way i am... im driven by love, my ideals of it, my hope for it.
I've never really considered myself a hopeful person til last night... Michael pointed out a lot... its nice to have that outside perspective: he hasnt been around for ALL of this...for the past 2 years... so its nice but weird. Kid met me at a really bad time. hah
Ayway... i go on breathing and sleeping, amongst other things, tho i hate it and it hurts. Just based again, on a stupid hope that i have that shit'll change...not even just with Marc but with everyone in my life... especially him tho. I guess last night should have been my hint but hey: whatever.
Well, im off to bed.
< / 3
Chris
I'm stll unhappy as hell, tho some days are better than others.
Marc pretty much blew me off last night to get drunk: whatever, his choice. And there was no purpose in being upset about it but i was. Went to deep river for Michael and went for a 2.5 hour drive all over the state... finally broke down and cried for the first time since marc killed me.. i was pissed that i did it but at the same time i was kind of glad to see even some faint spark of my old passion back. Michael and I yelled at eachother and then talked and i explained a lot to him..my stubborn nature and how im a fighter, not a lover, tho i love one person in the world more than life itself. I think now maybe he understnads why i AM the way i am... im driven by love, my ideals of it, my hope for it.
I've never really considered myself a hopeful person til last night... Michael pointed out a lot... its nice to have that outside perspective: he hasnt been around for ALL of this...for the past 2 years... so its nice but weird. Kid met me at a really bad time. hah
Ayway... i go on breathing and sleeping, amongst other things, tho i hate it and it hurts. Just based again, on a stupid hope that i have that shit'll change...not even just with Marc but with everyone in my life... especially him tho. I guess last night should have been my hint but hey: whatever.
Well, im off to bed.
< / 3
Chris