Whoa.
So tonite I'm just being dumb and I'm fooling around on My Space and I look at Sam's profile thing. It's so weird like I look at his picture and I haven't talked to him in almost a year and he used to be my everything. Like how can someone just write someone else out of their life so friggen easily. I know nothing about him anymore he's a complete stranger. It just hit me so hard...I guess it's just because I've been so busy with everything that I stopped thinking about him. I never thought there would be a day when I didn't think about him at least once and now I go days without thinking about him at all. It's weird how he has had such an impact on my life. He's made me bitter about relationships. It's funny how that works Sam might have been the only guy I've ever been with that didn't cheat on me (although I have my doubts due to the fact he was dating someone else within 2 weeks) but he's the one that made me bitter. I need to stop living in the past I know this but it's so hard for me to open up my heart again...and I know other people have had it worse in relationships but our relationship still fucks with my head. Sam was the first and only guy I've ever "loved" and if that's what happens when you love someone then I'm perfectly content with just liking Jon. Sigh...it's hard with him being so far away...when I get down or upset I want to talk to him but I can't anymore. I want to give him everything I have but I hold back so much b/c I'm afraid of getting hurt. This is the happiest I've been in awhile with a guy I just don't know if I'll let myself be happy...I'm afraid I'm going to put up a wall and push away prob. the best thing for me. I'm exhasuted...enough thinking for tonite.