I'm honestly unsure about which is more exciting, for me
- The promise of seeing this woman again...
- The idea that she legitimately had a good enough time that she wants to see me, again.
I could almost get used to this, to the idea that just being around her makes me feel better by the inherent approval, that her voice relaxes my muscles so much that I actually have trouble walking at the New Yorker pace that I've grown accustomed to, in order to keep up.
But that's a theme that's going to come up... I can't get used to this: I leave in a little over two weeks. A lot of damage was at risk of deepening over the last two years, and a large extent of it seems to have been undone. Not nearly enough, though, because I can't trust that.
There's a specific delusion that people tend to have, which I haven't allowed myself in years. I'm going to move, but I'm still going to be the same person. I may or may not have a different attitude, one that I have to hold onto or irresponsibly forget. Things won't be worse because I'm leaving, and they won't be better. Aruba was the exception, because the options were so profoundly clamped down that it tops any whining I've ever heard about this or that small town, particularly in the modern age. Even then, it was the exception because of med school, my medical school, and I bear no ill will towards the island itself, ultimately.
She's doing her work right now, and I'm doing mine. I'm excited, but I'm not only stay focused (except for this entry), but have become more focused. The best people I've met in this short time have had that effect on me, which is a marked improvement that is coincidentally tied to these people that I've met in-person.
¿Relevant to this manner of expressing myself? The fact that I've met a variety of people that all enjoy hearing me talk, that assume the best, rather than the worst, of me. I don't need much, but the latter is absolutely intrinsic to social interactions that actually benefit me.