Frida Kahlo
This week has been ruff..what has been the hardest part was just this night watching the movie Frida...when I was 15...depressed...loving art...I discovered her. I was obsessed when I felt my lowest..i went to the Barnes and Noble on oh...i haven't been in Houston in ages..can't remember the street name..but I used to go there..and sit and read all the books I could find about her..something about her pain and how she communicated it through art...unabashedly.
I made a promise then to myself if I lived through HS I would be wild and free. I would be reckless. I would be passionate. Have lovers. Experience things. Make ART ABOUT THE EXPERIENCES. I just started bawling during the movie *could be a number of things/ distress with work/ or 3/4's bottle of wine* Not a super sad cry..but a recognition of what I've given up to live a good steady life.
I love my boyfriend. I do. But, I kind of miss my crazy days. My abandon. My disregard for what was socially responsible or "right"...wait...Nix, that I was socially responsible..no matter what I always wanted to work with those who needed it rather than those who could pay me most for it (art classes/therapy i mean) I guess i mean keeping up with what is socially acceptable. I never did that before. I'm still weird. But, there are parts of me that have gone away..those parts that resonate with icons like Frida.
My art is dried up..during college I realize how scared people get when you try to express your feelings..so i stopped.....Even my therapist really tries to encourage me not to share work that is so intensely personal. I guess it keeps me more level..but...theres something about connecting to people through your art or words when you feel so disconnected.
Most girls dreamed of marriage...I never EVER thought of that. I always just thought about being an "artist" it sounds cheesy but that was the dream. One thing I hate about being in a relationship is somethings that strong tether to another. I hope our trip to the southwest helps us rekindle the wildness of our beginnings. Work has got us both down. We want to be off the grid. Do things our way. But we are so exhausted.
I don't believe I'm the only one who struggles with this.
The part I hate to mention is...money. It's hard living without..especially in an expensive city. I live in a safe shit hole in a neighborhood that scares me half to death after dark..but I'm making my own way...but to be that artist I want to...i'd have to move farther out.
haha oh wine. i miss being the weird messed up Liz sometimes..because all through that I was oblivious because i was accumulating such amazing experiences (good and bad). Now I find myself judging those who are still in them..which is kind of stupid really. Maybe I'm jealous..and maybe those who judged me so harshly were jealous.
I still want to be Frida..I don't want the fame..hmmm. oh well.
Just had nostalgic night.
I made a promise then to myself if I lived through HS I would be wild and free. I would be reckless. I would be passionate. Have lovers. Experience things. Make ART ABOUT THE EXPERIENCES. I just started bawling during the movie *could be a number of things/ distress with work/ or 3/4's bottle of wine* Not a super sad cry..but a recognition of what I've given up to live a good steady life.
I love my boyfriend. I do. But, I kind of miss my crazy days. My abandon. My disregard for what was socially responsible or "right"...wait...Nix, that I was socially responsible..no matter what I always wanted to work with those who needed it rather than those who could pay me most for it (art classes/therapy i mean) I guess i mean keeping up with what is socially acceptable. I never did that before. I'm still weird. But, there are parts of me that have gone away..those parts that resonate with icons like Frida.
My art is dried up..during college I realize how scared people get when you try to express your feelings..so i stopped.....Even my therapist really tries to encourage me not to share work that is so intensely personal. I guess it keeps me more level..but...theres something about connecting to people through your art or words when you feel so disconnected.
Most girls dreamed of marriage...I never EVER thought of that. I always just thought about being an "artist" it sounds cheesy but that was the dream. One thing I hate about being in a relationship is somethings that strong tether to another. I hope our trip to the southwest helps us rekindle the wildness of our beginnings. Work has got us both down. We want to be off the grid. Do things our way. But we are so exhausted.
I don't believe I'm the only one who struggles with this.
The part I hate to mention is...money. It's hard living without..especially in an expensive city. I live in a safe shit hole in a neighborhood that scares me half to death after dark..but I'm making my own way...but to be that artist I want to...i'd have to move farther out.
haha oh wine. i miss being the weird messed up Liz sometimes..because all through that I was oblivious because i was accumulating such amazing experiences (good and bad). Now I find myself judging those who are still in them..which is kind of stupid really. Maybe I'm jealous..and maybe those who judged me so harshly were jealous.
I still want to be Frida..I don't want the fame..hmmm. oh well.
Just had nostalgic night.