familiar territory
Wow I'm on an LJ spree this week!
So, already the diet is working. The feeling of constant hunger brings back so many memories of intentional starvation in the day of ole. I've been listening to music I listened to back then..at first it was just to help a long drive pass with the fella..and laughing about how depressing it all was. Namely a mix of old school bright eyes and Eliott Smith. He really liked the music ofcourse...cause it's good!
But I can't ignore the source of sudden music nostalgia. Those memories came back to me because these feelings are familiar.
Another thing I've realized Is I'm not as big as i presumed. I got on a scale at work today (it's a funny scale that tells you how much you weigh in farm terms). I apparently weigh a goat and a kid. Not bad! And then I looked at the number and was alarmed at how much lower it was than I expected! Due to past trauma/ obsession with scales I have not weighed myself in over a year.
I didn't go out with the work gals tonight partially due to temptation...they were going out for BURGERS! Knew I could not resist them...especially the fries. I also have a bad habit of always eating friends unfinished fries because as we all know they do NOT keep overnight.
I guess it's good I'm aware of some of the dangers of a simple diet. I'm keeping sure to actually eat....and not get too over zealous about losing weight because it quickly avalanches into "my god! if I don't eat....well..I get skinnier!"
Also the rapidity this time around has to do with weather changes in ol Chicago. My body is adjusting to the cold and using a lot more energy *Calories*. Also it's ingrained in us all as it starts to cool down to eat more because our bodies are afraid of not having enough reserves for the winter...our bodies are not aware though that we already have those reserves!
Just felt like sharing the revelation....be careful when you find yourself listening to old songs....they can be an indication that your mind is turning backwards back into old habits that may not always be good...There is such a thing though of recalling happy songs of the past and remembering happy memories.
I've also been thinking about the song "monster mash" as I decorate the apartment.
Being a Woman is treacherous territory. These natural insecurities are ingrained and hard to ignore.
I'm going out to see some of my gay boyfriends tonight which I think should be helpful as to the fact they are in impeccable shape and also understand these concerns.
Oh and the only time i was not hungry yesterday was actually when rock climbing and using energy! wtf? Makes NO sense...after I ate a meal just like Mihai. Half a raw avocado, a nectarine, raw broccoli and cauliflower oh and some Kiwi. Seriously that is how that man eats...I am promising myself to just mimic the boy..because he is skinny! Dang Europeans growing up with good eating habits!
So, already the diet is working. The feeling of constant hunger brings back so many memories of intentional starvation in the day of ole. I've been listening to music I listened to back then..at first it was just to help a long drive pass with the fella..and laughing about how depressing it all was. Namely a mix of old school bright eyes and Eliott Smith. He really liked the music ofcourse...cause it's good!
But I can't ignore the source of sudden music nostalgia. Those memories came back to me because these feelings are familiar.
Another thing I've realized Is I'm not as big as i presumed. I got on a scale at work today (it's a funny scale that tells you how much you weigh in farm terms). I apparently weigh a goat and a kid. Not bad! And then I looked at the number and was alarmed at how much lower it was than I expected! Due to past trauma/ obsession with scales I have not weighed myself in over a year.
I didn't go out with the work gals tonight partially due to temptation...they were going out for BURGERS! Knew I could not resist them...especially the fries. I also have a bad habit of always eating friends unfinished fries because as we all know they do NOT keep overnight.
I guess it's good I'm aware of some of the dangers of a simple diet. I'm keeping sure to actually eat....and not get too over zealous about losing weight because it quickly avalanches into "my god! if I don't eat....well..I get skinnier!"
Also the rapidity this time around has to do with weather changes in ol Chicago. My body is adjusting to the cold and using a lot more energy *Calories*. Also it's ingrained in us all as it starts to cool down to eat more because our bodies are afraid of not having enough reserves for the winter...our bodies are not aware though that we already have those reserves!
Just felt like sharing the revelation....be careful when you find yourself listening to old songs....they can be an indication that your mind is turning backwards back into old habits that may not always be good...There is such a thing though of recalling happy songs of the past and remembering happy memories.
I've also been thinking about the song "monster mash" as I decorate the apartment.
Being a Woman is treacherous territory. These natural insecurities are ingrained and hard to ignore.
I'm going out to see some of my gay boyfriends tonight which I think should be helpful as to the fact they are in impeccable shape and also understand these concerns.
Oh and the only time i was not hungry yesterday was actually when rock climbing and using energy! wtf? Makes NO sense...after I ate a meal just like Mihai. Half a raw avocado, a nectarine, raw broccoli and cauliflower oh and some Kiwi. Seriously that is how that man eats...I am promising myself to just mimic the boy..because he is skinny! Dang Europeans growing up with good eating habits!