things are very fucking strange.
I don't feel like I belong in this world anymore. I try and feel out living life here and I just get negativity in return. Its hard to explain, but its become a very strange mode of existence.
Lately Ive been feeling very uneasy, almost on edge. Like something is about to happen. something very very bad.
And honestly, I've been questioning everything. All I find are more questions. Religion is no answer, philosophy is just as bad. It all leads me around in a circle of questions that don't lead anywhere. It's all so pointless. I strive for the future, but the future only yields further questions and a more intense feeling of not belonging. I want out, I want to be somewhere else. I'm not afraid of the abyss, i;m not afraid of death, I'm afraid of this place.
Pot helped a lot with suppressing these thoughts, but now that I've been ever and ever more sober lately, I'm realizing that no matter how much I smoke, drink, trip out, or roll, these thoughts will ever be with me, taunting me with its unanswerable existence within my mind. Ever inescapable, I wonder how long I can bear the weight of these thoughts.
I'm not suicidal or anything, though I have entertained the thought, I've just been feeling very odd lately. Very separated from what people call "normal life". Separated from the things I once thought I knew to be sure. Things I once knew to be foundational are no longer so. I don't know if you care, or if you decided to stop reading after the first few parts of this, but really I think I'm just writing this to organize my thoughts. Which is something I haven't done in quite awhile.
Does anyone understand what I'm going through here? Reality no longer means the same thing to me. Existing is not the same. I don't think I'll ever be the same.
And really I think I don't have a clue.
someone give me a mushroom, so I can disappear from this place.
Lately Ive been feeling very uneasy, almost on edge. Like something is about to happen. something very very bad.
And honestly, I've been questioning everything. All I find are more questions. Religion is no answer, philosophy is just as bad. It all leads me around in a circle of questions that don't lead anywhere. It's all so pointless. I strive for the future, but the future only yields further questions and a more intense feeling of not belonging. I want out, I want to be somewhere else. I'm not afraid of the abyss, i;m not afraid of death, I'm afraid of this place.
Pot helped a lot with suppressing these thoughts, but now that I've been ever and ever more sober lately, I'm realizing that no matter how much I smoke, drink, trip out, or roll, these thoughts will ever be with me, taunting me with its unanswerable existence within my mind. Ever inescapable, I wonder how long I can bear the weight of these thoughts.
I'm not suicidal or anything, though I have entertained the thought, I've just been feeling very odd lately. Very separated from what people call "normal life". Separated from the things I once thought I knew to be sure. Things I once knew to be foundational are no longer so. I don't know if you care, or if you decided to stop reading after the first few parts of this, but really I think I'm just writing this to organize my thoughts. Which is something I haven't done in quite awhile.
Does anyone understand what I'm going through here? Reality no longer means the same thing to me. Existing is not the same. I don't think I'll ever be the same.
And really I think I don't have a clue.
someone give me a mushroom, so I can disappear from this place.