My Birthday Party
So let me start out with a disclaimer. Yes, I know I am an emotional person. I get overly emotional about things that others do not. I look deeper into other's motives than I should. I guess I'm paranoid. So just keep that in mind. I don't think there is anything wrong with being emotionally driven and I think people need to respect that.
Kelsey called me at 9 something yesterday morning saying she didn't think we should still go to Great Lakes because of the snow. I told her I was going to wait and see how the weather looked later and I was going to ask everyone else if they still thought we should go. So Kelsey calls me back like 3 more times saying she can't go because her mom won't let her because of the weather. And she asks me if we can go anywhere else and she just keeps asking and asking and I keep telling her I'm going to decide when everyone gets here and I ask about the roads. I ended up like yelling at her because she just wouldn't accept that as my answer because I honestly did not know yet. So everyone comes over. They all still want to go and they say the roads are fine. Kelsey says her mom called me stubborn and stupid for still wanting to go. Sonia's mom thinks I'm a freak because I got another tattoo. No one really liked my tattoo and/or they just didn't really care about it. Except for Amanda. I felt pretty ignored even though it was my birthday. Kelsey and I started yelling at each other about going to Great Lakes. She left with an attitude, I don't know if it was at me or if she was just upset about not going. I was sad she couldn't go.
The roads were perfectly fine and there was no traffic. So Kelsey's mom needs to not call me stubborn or stupid when I was honestly being careful and considerate. John stops for gas and Sonia took my seat so I had to squeeze in the back so I could still sit with Matt. No one talked to me much.
Everyone pretty much ignored me at the mall too. John got the waiters to sing for me at The Rainforest Cafe though so that was cool. And the food was amazing. I don't remember much about shopping. Kate, Sonia, and Amanda were always whispering about something and it was making me really self conscious. So I was starting to get a little upset. I was trying to make sure Matt knew i wasn't mad at him but that still happened anyway. Anytime I get sad somehow it gets worse because he gets mad at me about it for some reason or another. I really wish that when I'm upset he would just grab me and hold me like there is nothing else in the world he would want to do at that moment.
But that didn't happen. He didn't talk to me for awhile so I just cried. stupid. And then we were fine again. The girls were still ignoring me. Even though it was supposed to be my birthday party. I was feeling a lot happier when we went into Group USA again because I love love love dresses. Especially in my size! I found "the one" for prom. But when I tried it on all anyone could say was "I would were it at my wedding" because it was white. So what? I thought it was slimming and beautiful. But yet again all I get from people is negativity. I know they werent saying it was ugly or anything but why couldn't they just say I looked amazing?? I compliment people all the time. I LOVE to make people feel good about themselves every day of the week. But I honestly don't feel like I ever get it back, not even on my birthday. I wish I was that type of beautiful that made Matt speechless. I wish I made him get all googly eyed so he would say "buy it right now" instead of "I like it". But I guess that's me, not the dress. I ended up not buying it. And I cried some more. stupid. So Matt, John, and I ran away. And that made me really happy. I bought cargo pants and I got brown boots on sale for 14 dollars when they're normally 70! That was awesome. And Matthew bought me icey cream. Also awesome.
We basically did nothing for a couple hours until the rest of the girls were done looking at dresses. They seemed a little nicer when we were leaving. The drive home was fine. I finally got to listen to my MP3 player. And I cuddled with Matthew. All better.
When I called Kelsey she sounded pissed off. I was mad. It wasn't my fault she couldn't go. And I wasn't going to change my birthday plans that I have been waiting forever to do for one person. We got John's Wii and played it at my house and Kelsey came. She kept telling everyone how to do everything and it was frustrating the hell out of me. I just want to scream sometimes. The Wii was really fun though. Then everyone went home. I cuddled with Matt for a bit. We talked about some stuff. I don't know if anything will change but oh well.
So my birthday party sucked. And I don't care if that makes me sound like a brat. I wish someone would do something special for me for once. I honestly feel like I just keep giving and giving and I don't think anyone gives a shit about my efforts anymore. No one said Happy Birthday. And I'm sorry, but when it's your EIGHTEENTH Birthday, I don't think it's bad to expect it to be a big deal. It's kind of disappointing to feel completely ignored. I wanted to be the center of attention for one damn day of the year. But whatever. It's over and I'm dealing with it. I guess I'll start writing emails to everyone about how I'm never going to change for anyone and how my hair is so awesome now lol...
I wish I had just gone shopping with my mom. She was the one person that cared the most about my birthday and she was the one I spent the least amount of time with. That thought just made me start to cry really hard. SO now I'm 18 and I'm a big girl. Then why can't I even deal with friendship problems anymore? Why am I always so fucking disappointed..
Kelsey called me at 9 something yesterday morning saying she didn't think we should still go to Great Lakes because of the snow. I told her I was going to wait and see how the weather looked later and I was going to ask everyone else if they still thought we should go. So Kelsey calls me back like 3 more times saying she can't go because her mom won't let her because of the weather. And she asks me if we can go anywhere else and she just keeps asking and asking and I keep telling her I'm going to decide when everyone gets here and I ask about the roads. I ended up like yelling at her because she just wouldn't accept that as my answer because I honestly did not know yet. So everyone comes over. They all still want to go and they say the roads are fine. Kelsey says her mom called me stubborn and stupid for still wanting to go. Sonia's mom thinks I'm a freak because I got another tattoo. No one really liked my tattoo and/or they just didn't really care about it. Except for Amanda. I felt pretty ignored even though it was my birthday. Kelsey and I started yelling at each other about going to Great Lakes. She left with an attitude, I don't know if it was at me or if she was just upset about not going. I was sad she couldn't go.
The roads were perfectly fine and there was no traffic. So Kelsey's mom needs to not call me stubborn or stupid when I was honestly being careful and considerate. John stops for gas and Sonia took my seat so I had to squeeze in the back so I could still sit with Matt. No one talked to me much.
Everyone pretty much ignored me at the mall too. John got the waiters to sing for me at The Rainforest Cafe though so that was cool. And the food was amazing. I don't remember much about shopping. Kate, Sonia, and Amanda were always whispering about something and it was making me really self conscious. So I was starting to get a little upset. I was trying to make sure Matt knew i wasn't mad at him but that still happened anyway. Anytime I get sad somehow it gets worse because he gets mad at me about it for some reason or another. I really wish that when I'm upset he would just grab me and hold me like there is nothing else in the world he would want to do at that moment.
But that didn't happen. He didn't talk to me for awhile so I just cried. stupid. And then we were fine again. The girls were still ignoring me. Even though it was supposed to be my birthday party. I was feeling a lot happier when we went into Group USA again because I love love love dresses. Especially in my size! I found "the one" for prom. But when I tried it on all anyone could say was "I would were it at my wedding" because it was white. So what? I thought it was slimming and beautiful. But yet again all I get from people is negativity. I know they werent saying it was ugly or anything but why couldn't they just say I looked amazing?? I compliment people all the time. I LOVE to make people feel good about themselves every day of the week. But I honestly don't feel like I ever get it back, not even on my birthday. I wish I was that type of beautiful that made Matt speechless. I wish I made him get all googly eyed so he would say "buy it right now" instead of "I like it". But I guess that's me, not the dress. I ended up not buying it. And I cried some more. stupid. So Matt, John, and I ran away. And that made me really happy. I bought cargo pants and I got brown boots on sale for 14 dollars when they're normally 70! That was awesome. And Matthew bought me icey cream. Also awesome.
We basically did nothing for a couple hours until the rest of the girls were done looking at dresses. They seemed a little nicer when we were leaving. The drive home was fine. I finally got to listen to my MP3 player. And I cuddled with Matthew. All better.
When I called Kelsey she sounded pissed off. I was mad. It wasn't my fault she couldn't go. And I wasn't going to change my birthday plans that I have been waiting forever to do for one person. We got John's Wii and played it at my house and Kelsey came. She kept telling everyone how to do everything and it was frustrating the hell out of me. I just want to scream sometimes. The Wii was really fun though. Then everyone went home. I cuddled with Matt for a bit. We talked about some stuff. I don't know if anything will change but oh well.
So my birthday party sucked. And I don't care if that makes me sound like a brat. I wish someone would do something special for me for once. I honestly feel like I just keep giving and giving and I don't think anyone gives a shit about my efforts anymore. No one said Happy Birthday. And I'm sorry, but when it's your EIGHTEENTH Birthday, I don't think it's bad to expect it to be a big deal. It's kind of disappointing to feel completely ignored. I wanted to be the center of attention for one damn day of the year. But whatever. It's over and I'm dealing with it. I guess I'll start writing emails to everyone about how I'm never going to change for anyone and how my hair is so awesome now lol...
I wish I had just gone shopping with my mom. She was the one person that cared the most about my birthday and she was the one I spent the least amount of time with. That thought just made me start to cry really hard. SO now I'm 18 and I'm a big girl. Then why can't I even deal with friendship problems anymore? Why am I always so fucking disappointed..