Blah...
*me just venting*
So 3 months ago Jimmy broke up with me. Told me that he couldn't continue a relationship with me because he didn't want to have kids or get married. He basically didn't want to settle down. He told me he knows I will find someone better than him. That he didn't want to keep bringing me down and holding me back.
So I spent that whole remainder of the month pretty much an emotional wreck. It didn't help the fact that he kept messaging me asking me how I was doing and if we could still be friends.
I told him to stop talking to me. That I would be the one to contact him when I'm ready, which will probably be never.
I wanted to sever all ties with him. I thought about blocking him on facebook... but the "stalker-side" of me doesn't want to because for some sick reason, I want to torture myself and see the things he is doing and see how happy he is without me.
Luckily he rarely ever posts on facebook, so I pretty much never know whats going on in his life u.u Buuutttt.... there is this girl, who has been tagging him in her posts recently. I had a feeling they may have been an item, but when I checked her out, I discovered she had a child. So I figured they were just friends. The I check my news feed today and low and behold there on my feed is a post that he is tagged in about having a romantic weekend in Chicago.
I don't know why this should bug me so much. I mean we've been broken up for almost 4 months now. It shouldn't matter to me. He can date/see whom ever he wants and same goes for me. But I think the thing about this chick that just boils my blood is the fact that she has a child... she has starting her own family and Jimmy is trying to be apart of it. He is trying to be this kid's new dad and whatnot. Yet, he told me he NEVER wanted to have that kind of lifestyle ever. Its when I see this that I realize his reasoning for breaking up with me is bullshit. It makes me wonder what the "real" reason is that he broke up with me.... Was he cheating? Was he infertile? Was I not good enough?... All of these questions have been rummaging through my head for the past 2 days. It's making me sick to think about.
I know that is I had just blocked/deleted him, I would have never known. I would have been blind to it all and gone on with my life. But the fact is, I didn't and now I'm torturing myself with this >.
So 3 months ago Jimmy broke up with me. Told me that he couldn't continue a relationship with me because he didn't want to have kids or get married. He basically didn't want to settle down. He told me he knows I will find someone better than him. That he didn't want to keep bringing me down and holding me back.
So I spent that whole remainder of the month pretty much an emotional wreck. It didn't help the fact that he kept messaging me asking me how I was doing and if we could still be friends.
I told him to stop talking to me. That I would be the one to contact him when I'm ready, which will probably be never.
I wanted to sever all ties with him. I thought about blocking him on facebook... but the "stalker-side" of me doesn't want to because for some sick reason, I want to torture myself and see the things he is doing and see how happy he is without me.
Luckily he rarely ever posts on facebook, so I pretty much never know whats going on in his life u.u Buuutttt.... there is this girl, who has been tagging him in her posts recently. I had a feeling they may have been an item, but when I checked her out, I discovered she had a child. So I figured they were just friends. The I check my news feed today and low and behold there on my feed is a post that he is tagged in about having a romantic weekend in Chicago.
I don't know why this should bug me so much. I mean we've been broken up for almost 4 months now. It shouldn't matter to me. He can date/see whom ever he wants and same goes for me. But I think the thing about this chick that just boils my blood is the fact that she has a child... she has starting her own family and Jimmy is trying to be apart of it. He is trying to be this kid's new dad and whatnot. Yet, he told me he NEVER wanted to have that kind of lifestyle ever. Its when I see this that I realize his reasoning for breaking up with me is bullshit. It makes me wonder what the "real" reason is that he broke up with me.... Was he cheating? Was he infertile? Was I not good enough?... All of these questions have been rummaging through my head for the past 2 days. It's making me sick to think about.
I know that is I had just blocked/deleted him, I would have never known. I would have been blind to it all and gone on with my life. But the fact is, I didn't and now I'm torturing myself with this >.