TM-Challenge: Not Alone
When did you realize you were not alone?
I have to say that for a Slayer, I've always been pretty lucky on this front. Growing up, I always had my mom and dad and Dawn (yeah, I know I didn't really, but I remember that). Not that I always appreciated them, of course but -- well, I only had the life I had growing up because the Council never located me. I know a lot of potentials used to leave their families to be raised by the Council; I guess that's going on with some of the new girls too. But I had this pretty normal, idyllic southern California childhood. And then all that stuff happened at Hemery, and I lost most of my old friends, but I was never alone. I sort of wished Merrick would leave me alone, and then there was the walking disaster that was Pike.
I know most of you guys never met him but imagine Xander if he thought he was a lot cooler, and actually was a lot less; I mean, cute, but constantly needing to be rescued, which was sort of why we went our separate ways; he kept saying Summers, I never needed rescuing before I met you -- and after a while it was kind of obvious he was right. In case you're wondering, he went to UC-Pomona and now he owns a Harley dealership in the Valley. We still do Christmas cards.
Anyway. Merrick died, the gym burned down, Pike went to Pomona, I went to Sunnydale. Once again, even if I'd wanted to be alone, I couldn't have. There was Giles saying, "You have a destiny," "The world is doomed," et cetera, and honestly, that might have been a one-way ticket to Freakoutsville. Except that I also met Willow and Xander on that very first day, and they made me feel like I'd never be alone. I met Cordelia that day, too, but we didn't exactly hit it off on the right foot, so I'll tactfully omit that. A slayer really couldn't be luckier than to have friends like them.
Except, OK, there was always this thing. Even when I was never actually alone, there were times when I felt kind of . . . set apart. Different. Not like I was better, but the whole "you have a destiny, which is great, except what you're probably destined to do is not live past next weekend" -- well, it wears you out. All that chosen one stuff. It's like Three Dog Night says. . .the loneliest number. When I met Kendra, that changed. She was another Slayer, even if I had to die a little bit in order to make her. I guess there ought to be a moral about how that really bonded us, but honestly, inside I was throwing a little bit of a You're not special; I am! hissy-fit, deep down. I felt awful when she died, and I told myself if there was another slayer, I would treat her better. Well. . .that whole issue turned out to be more complicated. Faith should have made me feel like I was less alone but really, when I was with her, even when things were clicking, it was more like we were alone together.
So it wasn't Faith or Kendra that really changed my feelings about the Slayer thing. (Remember, Three Dog Night again: "Two can be as bad as one"). No, it was in my dream. Seeing the first Slayer. Realizing that this whole thing I was part of had a history. She was alone. She never had a watcher, or Scoobies, or even a bad-attitude leather-fetishing alter ego (I mean that in the best way possible, Faith!)
For people who don't understand what Willow and I did, making all the new Slayers. . .well, all I can say is, I wish you had met her. She was brave and she was strong, like all the Slayers, but nobody ever treated her like she was chosen, like she had some great destiny. I guess nobody had made that part of the story up yet. She was just a weapon; the people who made her needed one, and so they turned her into it. They didn't treat her like she was human. If they could have found a way to keep the part of her that was "Slayer" and kill the part of her that was "girl," they would have done it. A lot of that has changed for the better, over the years, and though I have my own issues with the way the Council has done things, I can say they're mostly been good for Slayers. Teaching us about our mission, how to protect ourselves, how to use our power for good. But they still held onto these things that kept us apart from our humanity, and the biggest one was the isolation. The one thing they never questioned is -- why just one? If all these girls really had all this potential, what were we waiting for?
And so we did the spell. The world didn't end, and now there are all these new slayers running around. I guess we created as many new problems as we solved, but one thing I know is that no slayer will ever have to feel like she's the only one.
I have to say that for a Slayer, I've always been pretty lucky on this front. Growing up, I always had my mom and dad and Dawn (yeah, I know I didn't really, but I remember that). Not that I always appreciated them, of course but -- well, I only had the life I had growing up because the Council never located me. I know a lot of potentials used to leave their families to be raised by the Council; I guess that's going on with some of the new girls too. But I had this pretty normal, idyllic southern California childhood. And then all that stuff happened at Hemery, and I lost most of my old friends, but I was never alone. I sort of wished Merrick would leave me alone, and then there was the walking disaster that was Pike.
I know most of you guys never met him but imagine Xander if he thought he was a lot cooler, and actually was a lot less; I mean, cute, but constantly needing to be rescued, which was sort of why we went our separate ways; he kept saying Summers, I never needed rescuing before I met you -- and after a while it was kind of obvious he was right. In case you're wondering, he went to UC-Pomona and now he owns a Harley dealership in the Valley. We still do Christmas cards.
Anyway. Merrick died, the gym burned down, Pike went to Pomona, I went to Sunnydale. Once again, even if I'd wanted to be alone, I couldn't have. There was Giles saying, "You have a destiny," "The world is doomed," et cetera, and honestly, that might have been a one-way ticket to Freakoutsville. Except that I also met Willow and Xander on that very first day, and they made me feel like I'd never be alone. I met Cordelia that day, too, but we didn't exactly hit it off on the right foot, so I'll tactfully omit that. A slayer really couldn't be luckier than to have friends like them.
Except, OK, there was always this thing. Even when I was never actually alone, there were times when I felt kind of . . . set apart. Different. Not like I was better, but the whole "you have a destiny, which is great, except what you're probably destined to do is not live past next weekend" -- well, it wears you out. All that chosen one stuff. It's like Three Dog Night says. . .the loneliest number. When I met Kendra, that changed. She was another Slayer, even if I had to die a little bit in order to make her. I guess there ought to be a moral about how that really bonded us, but honestly, inside I was throwing a little bit of a You're not special; I am! hissy-fit, deep down. I felt awful when she died, and I told myself if there was another slayer, I would treat her better. Well. . .that whole issue turned out to be more complicated. Faith should have made me feel like I was less alone but really, when I was with her, even when things were clicking, it was more like we were alone together.
So it wasn't Faith or Kendra that really changed my feelings about the Slayer thing. (Remember, Three Dog Night again: "Two can be as bad as one"). No, it was in my dream. Seeing the first Slayer. Realizing that this whole thing I was part of had a history. She was alone. She never had a watcher, or Scoobies, or even a bad-attitude leather-fetishing alter ego (I mean that in the best way possible, Faith!)
For people who don't understand what Willow and I did, making all the new Slayers. . .well, all I can say is, I wish you had met her. She was brave and she was strong, like all the Slayers, but nobody ever treated her like she was chosen, like she had some great destiny. I guess nobody had made that part of the story up yet. She was just a weapon; the people who made her needed one, and so they turned her into it. They didn't treat her like she was human. If they could have found a way to keep the part of her that was "Slayer" and kill the part of her that was "girl," they would have done it. A lot of that has changed for the better, over the years, and though I have my own issues with the way the Council has done things, I can say they're mostly been good for Slayers. Teaching us about our mission, how to protect ourselves, how to use our power for good. But they still held onto these things that kept us apart from our humanity, and the biggest one was the isolation. The one thing they never questioned is -- why just one? If all these girls really had all this potential, what were we waiting for?
And so we did the spell. The world didn't end, and now there are all these new slayers running around. I guess we created as many new problems as we solved, but one thing I know is that no slayer will ever have to feel like she's the only one.