Terrified
Christa and Aric called to hang out. They have a while to lose, and asked if I'd like to wast some with them. All good right?
Thought so untill I asked if Joshua was going. Turns out they were planning to ask him, but they called me first. And he can in fact go. So, it will be Me, Christa, Aric and JOsh. Scary mix right there.
Oh yes we use to have fun when it was all of us. But that was when time was simple, and all before all this stupid drama happened, and before I royaly screwed up everything even more with my urge to spew trash talk all over the internet.
And I'm waiting to be picked up. I should be excited, but I'm terrified! I'm scared to see Josh. To be in the car with him. I'm frightened of the silence that'll be between us. I'm worried that - as it always does - the car ride will unleash every thing from shouting matches to streaming rivvers of tears.
But I'm just praying that this will be a time of reckoning. I hope that he and I can get past our stupid, immature differences and just have fun. Hopefuly we'll be able to talk all this crap out in a mannerly fashion too. I just wanna get it out of the way, get over it, and move the hell on.
He did give me a hug on sunday which made me happy and yet really sad. It was genuine, but at the same time it felt strange. Like, just a few days earlier we were caught in this - he said, she said mix up. And now he's hugging me like nothing ever happened. I said, "This is such a big hug, and I don't deserve it!" To which he said - "what do you mean?"
In a way it made me feel stupid cause, I'm not, and I know exactly what's going on. But yeah....bdshf oidshf hdsf ds kjfh
Okay hi.
*sigh* They're going to call any moment, and all I'm doimg is rambling on about my current sense of fear. Blah.
I'll update later!
-Mai
Thought so untill I asked if Joshua was going. Turns out they were planning to ask him, but they called me first. And he can in fact go. So, it will be Me, Christa, Aric and JOsh. Scary mix right there.
Oh yes we use to have fun when it was all of us. But that was when time was simple, and all before all this stupid drama happened, and before I royaly screwed up everything even more with my urge to spew trash talk all over the internet.
And I'm waiting to be picked up. I should be excited, but I'm terrified! I'm scared to see Josh. To be in the car with him. I'm frightened of the silence that'll be between us. I'm worried that - as it always does - the car ride will unleash every thing from shouting matches to streaming rivvers of tears.
But I'm just praying that this will be a time of reckoning. I hope that he and I can get past our stupid, immature differences and just have fun. Hopefuly we'll be able to talk all this crap out in a mannerly fashion too. I just wanna get it out of the way, get over it, and move the hell on.
He did give me a hug on sunday which made me happy and yet really sad. It was genuine, but at the same time it felt strange. Like, just a few days earlier we were caught in this - he said, she said mix up. And now he's hugging me like nothing ever happened. I said, "This is such a big hug, and I don't deserve it!" To which he said - "what do you mean?"
In a way it made me feel stupid cause, I'm not, and I know exactly what's going on. But yeah....bdshf oidshf hdsf ds kjfh
Okay hi.
*sigh* They're going to call any moment, and all I'm doimg is rambling on about my current sense of fear. Blah.
I'll update later!
-Mai