(no subject)
fuck
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK.
What the fuck am I doing?
why the fuck am i doing this again?
Shouldn't..
keeping jobs..moving out..DOING SOMETHING WITH MY LIFE?
Shouldn't that be important?
Shouldn't..answering phone calls instead of turning off my phone be important??
Shouldn't..being a good friend be important?
nothing is important.
nothing is as important as this fucking..time consuming, thought consuming, fucking shit that i do every single day, from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep.
my brain is fucked.
2 a day?
it's fucking impossible, but my mind has made ITSELF UP that it is possible.
I feel like.. It's not me anymore.
It's my brain..stuck on this thing and it's controlling everything i fucking do.
I have no control over it.
It's all I think about.
counting and how many hours and how much.
FUCK.
I want to rip out all of my fucking hair i'm so frustrated.
At first it was to make me feel better, for me to be fucking happy, and now it's blown up in to some huge fucking thing that i can't control anymore.
i'm insane, i fucking swear.
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK.
What the fuck am I doing?
why the fuck am i doing this again?
Shouldn't..
keeping jobs..moving out..DOING SOMETHING WITH MY LIFE?
Shouldn't that be important?
Shouldn't..answering phone calls instead of turning off my phone be important??
Shouldn't..being a good friend be important?
nothing is important.
nothing is as important as this fucking..time consuming, thought consuming, fucking shit that i do every single day, from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep.
my brain is fucked.
2 a day?
it's fucking impossible, but my mind has made ITSELF UP that it is possible.
I feel like.. It's not me anymore.
It's my brain..stuck on this thing and it's controlling everything i fucking do.
I have no control over it.
It's all I think about.
counting and how many hours and how much.
FUCK.
I want to rip out all of my fucking hair i'm so frustrated.
At first it was to make me feel better, for me to be fucking happy, and now it's blown up in to some huge fucking thing that i can't control anymore.
i'm insane, i fucking swear.