same old same old
everything feels so mixed up and rushed, but mostly in a happy way.
granted, i did cry all the way home today after i dropped off lanu at her house, but we were having a happy time before then. and that was the biggest part of it. i felt happy and peaceful (yup, peaceful) being with everyone. and we will obviously be together again many times in the future. i don't feel so horribly depressed about it anymore, for some reason. these people will always be my closest friends.
but of course, i'm still scared to make new friends! eeek! i'm sure it will be fine, though. my roommates (2) seem nice enough, at least. one of them seems like the spending lots of time doing makeup and being a party animal type, but that doesnt make her mean... it just makes her not like me. haha. oh well.
and i'm going to find caitlin scott and hang out with her, because i love her :-) and we will have good times together. i'm so glad she's going to be a freshman with me.
sooo last night i returned from a 10 day trip of craziness to jackson hole and grand teton national park and that whole area (in wyoming), with my entire mom's side of the family. which (the extended family part) sounds awesome, but it really isnt all that thrilling, seeing as my mom is the only sibling who had kids. but no cousins means sister bonding time, which was nice.
my dad took me on a fun but ridiculous backpacking trip where we hiked 35 miles in 3 days. my left leg got this weird sharp pain in the pit of my knee-- a really random place --but the views were really pretty and we saw a baby MOOSE! so it was well worth it.
i was supposed to go to kristen sarson's (she lives in bedford) party tonight, but i didnt, because i still feel like i need my time and space away from james before i see him again. but james' friend kyle made me feel really bad about it-- he said i was putting my awkwardness with james above kristen and above everyone else who wants me to come.
is it childish of me to chicken out and not go because i'm not ready to see james yet? is it selfish? i'm not sure. i mean, i still really would like to be friends with him, not to mention all of his friends who i have become close with as well. i don't want to lose my relationships with these people. but i only broke up with james a little more than a week ago. and i don't feel comfortable hanging out with him just yet.
maybe i should get over that. but i can't help how i feel.
i just hope kristen understands and isn't hurt that i didn't show up.
i just reread all of this and realized how ridiculously boring it must get to read (or skim) (or not read) anything that i write because it is consistently about 2 subjects: 1) leaving my friends/going to college and 2) james.
well, what can you do? i guess these things have been the focus of my life recently. that's not entirely a bad thing.
granted, i did cry all the way home today after i dropped off lanu at her house, but we were having a happy time before then. and that was the biggest part of it. i felt happy and peaceful (yup, peaceful) being with everyone. and we will obviously be together again many times in the future. i don't feel so horribly depressed about it anymore, for some reason. these people will always be my closest friends.
but of course, i'm still scared to make new friends! eeek! i'm sure it will be fine, though. my roommates (2) seem nice enough, at least. one of them seems like the spending lots of time doing makeup and being a party animal type, but that doesnt make her mean... it just makes her not like me. haha. oh well.
and i'm going to find caitlin scott and hang out with her, because i love her :-) and we will have good times together. i'm so glad she's going to be a freshman with me.
sooo last night i returned from a 10 day trip of craziness to jackson hole and grand teton national park and that whole area (in wyoming), with my entire mom's side of the family. which (the extended family part) sounds awesome, but it really isnt all that thrilling, seeing as my mom is the only sibling who had kids. but no cousins means sister bonding time, which was nice.
my dad took me on a fun but ridiculous backpacking trip where we hiked 35 miles in 3 days. my left leg got this weird sharp pain in the pit of my knee-- a really random place --but the views were really pretty and we saw a baby MOOSE! so it was well worth it.
i was supposed to go to kristen sarson's (she lives in bedford) party tonight, but i didnt, because i still feel like i need my time and space away from james before i see him again. but james' friend kyle made me feel really bad about it-- he said i was putting my awkwardness with james above kristen and above everyone else who wants me to come.
is it childish of me to chicken out and not go because i'm not ready to see james yet? is it selfish? i'm not sure. i mean, i still really would like to be friends with him, not to mention all of his friends who i have become close with as well. i don't want to lose my relationships with these people. but i only broke up with james a little more than a week ago. and i don't feel comfortable hanging out with him just yet.
maybe i should get over that. but i can't help how i feel.
i just hope kristen understands and isn't hurt that i didn't show up.
i just reread all of this and realized how ridiculously boring it must get to read (or skim) (or not read) anything that i write because it is consistently about 2 subjects: 1) leaving my friends/going to college and 2) james.
well, what can you do? i guess these things have been the focus of my life recently. that's not entirely a bad thing.