Things I've needed to write about.......

[summerland1618]

Ok so for a while I was so busy that I really couldn't write about the major things going on in my life so I actually have a list of things I need to write about! Lol

*Zack's Birthday Party*
Wow this was a while ago! So my friend Zack had a sleepover party and surprisingly my mom said it was ok if I stayed the night. I got there and helped Beth put up her tent in the forest area. He had the whole year for people to and a forest area a little further away from his house and everyone else so that area was off limits for only the couples lol (if you get what I mean). Once Beth and I were done putting up the tent we came back to the deck area and Mitchell and Luke had shown up. I tried to act like I didn't see him and just talked with a girl I had just met that day who lived across the street from Zack. Inside a bunch of the boys were playing Super Smash bros. Melee, which made me smile because it made me think about how Tristan and Jaren still have a match that they haven't been able to do yet on that game. I hope they will be able to meet each other soon. I'm sure they would have a fun time together and plus it would just be fun in general. AH! getting off subject!

So I continued to act like I didn't see him (yes bad I know, but I had just found out that he still liked me and.... well.... I like someone else, but have yet to mention anything to him, because the person I like.... well, I don't know if he likes me back.... at least at this time... well.... no I still really don't know! Lol). In the kitchen Zacks parents had a mini chocolate fountain which was freakin' awesome and people began to file over there to eat some of it. Luke had came over by it too and I looked at him and waved, but it felt so awkward that I moved away. I hadn't talked to him in a long time in person, only on the internet and even than, that just happen all the sudden after he broke up with his girlfriend. And the funny thing was the only reason why I randomly e-mailed him one day was because he WAS dating someone so I knew I was off limits or he didn't like me like that anymore.

A couple cars came into the driveway and I realized Lesel, Krystal, Kitty and Chrisy had just shown up. Well, I hadn't Lesel in a long time so I ran outside yelling LESEL and ran up to her, giving her a big hug. Then Krystal was behind her so I went up to her and gave her a hug as well. When I came back inside a majority of the boys including Luke had all gone back into the living room and decided to start a tournament on the game. I just sort of rolled my eyes and walked out into the back. The back deck had a hot tub on the side and a table right in front of you as you walked out. If you went around the table and to the right side of the house a bunch of the people were socializing by the fire that had barely started. They started to put chairs around it so people could sit down and this is when it got really interesting.

Eric- a friend of Zacks, had shown up and started to put the fire together, so I went back inside and waited for them to start it. Lesel had found the chocolate fountain so I decided to chat with her and see how she's been. She told me that she's working back at Taco Time again and I almost smacked her.
"LESEL WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?!?!?! Taco time.... OUT OF ALL PLACES! Are you SERIOUS?!?!?" I said.
"Yeah, I need a job though," She shrugged.
"BUT ITS TACO TIME!!!!!" I shook her a little hoping that may get it through to her.
"I have no other place to really go right now and they gave me a manager job because I've worked there before."
"UGH!!!!!" I sighed and grabbed another Animal Cookie and dipped it into the chocolate fountain. When I turned around to lean my body up against the side of counter Luke was standing there, his back to me as he was looking at the presents and subway sandwiches on the other table. I slightly turned my body towards Lesel, because once again I felt really awkward and didn't know what to say or if I should even look at Luke, but he almost instantly must have felt me looking at him because he turned around a faced me. "What don't say hi anymore?!?"
I smiled at him, "I did too say hi earlier you just weren't paying attention I guess!"
"Well, what about my hug?" He said extending his arms. I rolled my eyes and answered "if I must" coming towards him and giving him a hug. I was finally able to relax, laugh it off and just talk to him.

We talked for a bit then I can't remember exactly what happened, I think someone came over to him and began talking to him so I quietly slipped away and went outside to see if the fire was going yet. The girl I had met was standing by the fire so I stood next to her and asked her what they were doing, because before I left everyone was sitting around the fire just talking. Now they were all in a group huddled together. "Take a look," but before she said that I could already smell it and saw them passing a pipe around.
"Ugh, are you serious?!" I said putting my head back, but I wasn't surprised. Zack I know does this as well as everyone else I pretty much mentioned earlier except for Luke and I and that night Amanda (the girl I just met, I think that was her name) because since she lived across the street she had to keep checking in with her parents and didn't want them to tell or smell it on her. It didn't really bug me though that they were doing it because after all I was expecting it and I could care less if they were doing it, so long as they didn't try to get me to do it. I have never smoked pot before and didn't plan on getting that virginity taken away from me, 'cause frankly I think smoking is dumb.

Well, I went back inside and Luke had sat down on the couch. He was at one end of the couch so I felt it was safe to sit down 'cause we weren't going to be really close to each other. Sadly though Amanda (even if that isn't her name though I'm pretty sure it is, that’s what I'm going to call her for now on! lol) followed me in (something she seemed to be doing every since I said "Hi my name is Ashley" to her. She wanted to sit down by us which required me moving on which I could tell Luke didn't mind because he moved a little over so I moved over for her to sit down but once she did he got closer to me. Granted he didn't have much room because Donovan wanted his seat back. We were all sitting like this for a long period of time talking back and forth to the two of them was pretty interesting and Luke was kicking everyone’s butt on the first round of the tournament. Amanda finally got up for some reason or another I really can't remember (I'm surprise I've been able to tell you all of this so far, but I pretty much documented the whole night in my head pretty well). I acted like I needed to get my cell phone, which I really did, but it was more a less a good excuse for me to get up and go to my purse. After that I went back outside to see how everyone was doing.

They had only taken a couple of hits before so they weren't like completely stoned or anything. I went and sat down on one of the seats closest by the fire while a majority of the people were sitting on a bench with a blanket wrapped around two or three people. Zack came out with another joint and began to pass it around to everyone. I was expecting him to pass him since after all he knows that I've never smoked before, but he didn't. I gave him a "are-you-serious" look but he just shook it off. "Come on Ashley...." he said waving it closer to me "you know you want to".
"Zack I've never done it in my life. Please don't." I said putting my hand up. He gave me a puppy dog look and slowly walked around. *This is when peer pressure takes a new form and hardship* "I'll take care of this!" Krystal said. Or at least something like that and came over to me and sat on my lap. At first she worried me because I didn't know what she was going to do, but she just sat there with her arms wrapped around my neck so I just brushed off the worry and talked to her like everything was normal and didn't think she had anything up her sleeve. Zack passed the joint to her and she took a hit or two and than put it right in front of my lips and told me to inhale.
"KRYSTAL!!!!" I said moving my head back as far as I could and pressed my lips together as hard as I could, but she moved it once again to my lips and told me to inhale. "Are you serious Krystal?"
"Yes now breathe out and inhale." I did what she said and took a hit. Granted I barely inhaled because I didn't want to but it was enough for me to taste it. I really didn't know what I was doing and actually got a little bit of the paper stuck to my lips.
"Oh my gosh" was all I could mumble after it had happened. After she had succeeded she took another little hit and gave it back to Zack. He stood there for a moment; pasted it to a couple more people then holding it while standing right beside me he put his puppy look back on his face. "Oh so you'll let Krystal do it to you but not me?!"
At first I wasn't even thinking about it so I didn't even get what he was asking. "What?" I said turning towards him, then I saw the joint in his hand. "Oh boy not again, please" was the first thought to my head.
"Zack" I said and shook my head, however in the process of doing this he came closer to me. "Zack!" I said once more but he took another step closer.
"I'm just going to keep coming closer." He said taking another step.
"This isn't far!" I tried to protest as he took another step almost shoving it in my mouth. "Oh wow that almost got it in."
"Grrrrrr" I said with one last attempt to protest until he did the same thing Krystal had done before until I finally inhaled. I wanted to kill the both of them, because I really didn't want to do it. At least that moment in time or against my will. I immediately walked away and they continued to do whatever they were doing before.

I walked back into the living room after stopping in the kitchen and getting a drink of something. Amanda was in there so I talked to her for a moment or two and than sat down by Luke again HOPING that he didn't smell it on me. He was in the middle of a game though so I had time for the smell to sort of leave me and it just smell like the rest of the place. You see Luke had stopped smoking pot at the beginning of the year and what’s amazing is he's completely stopped. Like doesn't do it ever! And the even more crazier thing..... We were talking a lot last December and January and I told him that I thought it was really stupid and its pointless for people to do ('cause at the time my last relationship had ended partially to him smoking and lying to me about it after he told me he would "stop") and he had been doing it at the time, though it wasn't something he enjoyed doing all the time so he decided to stop. However what made him stop mostly was because of me. Just to kind of show how much he likes me..... *yikes*

After he finished playing the game he sat back and looked at me and didn't look at me any different or ask me about anything so I could tell he didn't think anything of it. As it began to get later and people began to show up more a majority of the people were filing to the table on the deck and passing around anything they had. I can't remember when I left but I ended up away from Luke with a blanket by the fire. Well, of course he found me because the boys began getting more interested in the pot outside than the game so Luke didn't have anyone to continue playing games with.

He moved a chair by me and we began a couple hours long conversation. I was a little upset because of what had happened earlier as well as I was a little upset 'cause the week before was when I went to Ashland and had some issues with Megan and I didn't know how to fix it because she wouldn't even talk to me to resolve it. Luke could tell something was upsetting me so he asked me what was wrong and I began to tell him the different situations going on. He was very comforting and began to get closer and closer to me. Even at one point he was holding my hand as I spoke. I was so worried about the whole situation though. I don't think he realized it but I was thinking of all of these things going on in my life at the time and telling him while at the same time my head is reeling with thoughts such as "Oh my gosh what is he doing?!?!", "Should I move? should I tell him to stop? Is he just trying to comfort me? He's doing a good job if so.... WHAT DO I DO?!?!?"
All in all he wasn't helping the situation at all. Amanda came over right before she had to leave and I moved my hand away from him, because I didn't want her to think anything that well.... wasn't true. She asked him a question about his last couple girlfriends (something he and I had just gone over, because I made me feel like I was just a back up girl or he just wanted to be with someone because he was talking about how much he still liked me when he had just broken up with his new girlfriend not even a couple days before... I made him feel like a ass a couple times, but he tried to explain otherwise). He really didn't want to answer because we had just gotten over that conversation and he also didn't know her that well and she was demanding quiet a lot of personal information. He had to go to the bathroom but she had to leave in five minutes so she told him to wait and just tell her real quick than he could go. I giggled a little bit but I was also very shocked with how she was demanding him around like that. What was even better was he fact that he listened. He told her what she wanted to know real quick than asked if he could go now.
"Oh yeah go ahead!" She said smiling a waving it off.
"Wow never thought I would have to wait for a junior to tell me when I could go to the bathroom." He mumbled as he left. But I don't think Amanda heard it because she was too occupied with leaning close to me and waiting for him to turn the corner to ask me a question. Once he had she immediately started talking again. "So are you guys dating or what’s going on?!" She said eagerly.
I sighed for a moment and placed my head in my hands on my lap. "I don’t know!!!!!" I grumbled.
"How can you NOT KNOW?!?!"
"No I didn't mean it like that!" I said putting my head up quickly, "I just..... I know that he still likes me but the thing is I'm really not that interested in him right now. I mean he is an AMAZING guy but I kind of like someone else right now."
"Well, if that’s true you really need to let him know because I think he has his heart set on something else."
"Yeah, unfortunately I'm sure he does..... I just..... I don't want to hurt him. You know?"
"I know, and I'm sorry you are going through this!"
"Ugh, tell me about it!!!!" I said once again placing my head in my hands. As soon as I did this he turned the corner and our confidential conversation had ended.
"Well, I should head home now. It was nice meeting you and see you later Luke." Luke and I both said our goodbyes to her and I remained in the position that I was in when he turned the corner.
"Is something wrong?" He said placing his head on his lap to look into my face.
"Ugh" was all I could really say at first. I didn't know what to think or say. It killed me on just how mean I felt I was being. I felt as if I should give him another chance, but I just didn't feel it was right because his whole heart would be in it and mine wouldn't be.

We began to talk a little more and I felt some what bad, because I wasn't feeling like myself at all and that I was too sad and negative then usual. I was also VERY worried with how much people were seeing of this whole situation. Especially his ex whom he had just broken up with a couple days before 'cause I knew she kept looking over at the both of us every so often. That was earlier though when they didn't have the bong out and people weren't going into the hot tub. I felt like such an outcast a majority of the time and felt a little bad because I was at my friends birthday party and I was sitting by the fire with Luke and not socializing, but Luke and I both didn't want to be around all the things they were doing anyways. We talked about how much we didn't like the things they were doing. At least how much they were doing and how he hasn't done it since the beginning of the year and that’s when I found out I was a major cause of that. Though he thanked me for it because if it wasn't for that little more of a push from me (which I never even meant to do to him, but I guess all those months before when he told me he was thinking about quitting I responded with something like "I’ll believe it when I see it, and you can say that you've been sober for a couple of months." Because Brandon- my ex, had said the same thing so many times that I didn't believe people when they said that to me anymore.) he wouldn't be feeling as good as he was feeling at that moment now that he was sober and he didn't have a desire to do it again. He even told me with everything that they were doing that night (which was drinking, smoking, everything) he wouldn't do any of it, because he knew that I didn't do any of that stuff and he wanted to be sober with me. I felt bad as he was saying this though because I knew that I had two hits earlier even though I didn't want to therefore technically I was not sober.

I don't remember how it happened, but I think he was making me feel a lot better and my head was still in my lap (which yes was actually comfortable) and I was going to thank him, but as I turned my head I realized how close the both of us were to each other and he kissed me before I even had time to think.
I don’t know what it is about that boy but when he kisses me I melt completely! *Yes I have kissed him before because something I didn't mention was the both of us had dated earlier that year until I realized it wasn't far for him because my ex boyfriend was still living at my house and it would be a complete secret and I wasn't ready to deal with that.*
The way he kisses; the complete softness, the way he would slightly touch my face it was like a trans that I couldn't get out of. Until we stopped kissing and I truly realized what had just happened. Though he barely gave me a moment to let it sink in, because he picked up my chin and did it again. I was stunned and was afraid to pull away or so anything. The whole time I kept thinking and saying to myself "DARN YOU ASHLEY! PULL AWAY! YOU ARE GOING TO HURT HIM IF YOU DON'T!!!!!!" But my heart wasn't keeping up with me and.... sad to admit....didn't want to stop. After that set of kisses though I began to wish I had pulled away because he asked me if I would give him another chance..... basically wanted me to go back out with him.

I didn't know what to think, nor say. In fact I did such a good job of not saying anything or bi-passing it that I can't even remember how I did it! Though somehow I did. With everything going on and hours passing by, some of the people began to come by the fire to warm up because it started to get cold outside. Someone (I can't remember who) came over and began to talk to Luke so I said that I would be back real quick because I wanted to get something to drink so he couldn't really object while talking to his friend.

I went inside as quickly as possible because I really needed to think about everything and couldn't do it with him beside me or even in eye sight. I went into the kitchen to get a drink of whatever I could find when Zack saw me.
"Hey hun, how are you doing?"
"Pretty good, and how are you?"
"Ah GREAT! So what’s up with you and Luke?"
*sigh*"Nothing at all! I don't get that kid sometimes really. I mean he breaks up with his girlfriend not even a couple days ago and is already flirting with me!"
"Yeah oh well, so have you done anything else beside what I had you do earlier?"
I thought for a moment if I should even answer that, but with my unsurity he knew I hadn't. "Why not Ashley?!?!"
"Well, I've been quiet occupied this whole time... and honestly I really didn't want to do anything that you guys were doing."
"Ok.... come here" He said grabbing my hand and leading me into his room.
"Zack what are you doing?" I asked though knowing pretty well what he was going to have me do.
"Please just trust me and follow me." Well, that was all he needed to say because he and I have been really good friends for quiet sometime and I knew that he wouldn't make me do anything I didn't want to do nor anything he didn't think I would be able to take. We went into his room and he closed the door and went to a table he had in his room.
"I have this stuff that is really good and pretty expensive that I got for my birthday and I want to smoke it with you."
I don't know why but it just being me and him and knowing that he is not a guy to go around saying "Look who did what?!?!" to everyone, and someone I've always been able to trust I was a little more willing not to object. Plus it was something I didn't plan on doing all the time because I've already said so many times in the past how I thought smoking was kind of pointless in general. He told me that he would show me how to do it and everything.
"First off.... have you even down anything like this before?"
"Not at all!"
"Are you SERIOUS!?!? Awww that’s so awesome the first time will be with me!!!" He smiled at me and it made me laugh because I knew he was being serious with the way he said it. He was actually glad I was letting my first time be with him. "Ok I'll show you how to hold it and everything." He began to describe it to me and told me he would light it for me and tell me when to inhale and whatnot. He also told me to blow as much air out as possible before inhaling. As he was giving me these instructions his cousin came in and he explained the situation to her. She thought it was cute too and they both helped me out to relax and just try it. I must say with the two of them giving instructions they did a DAMN good job because I was feeling the hits a lot more than I had earlier that day. They also made me stand up. Something I guess that is suppose to help get a better and fuller affect or something.
"We are SO going to get you high!" Zack said with a giggle, and his cousin joined in with the laughing.

I took two hits and started to feel something. I took another hit and then it really hit me (no pun intended) just what I was doing. I was doing it JUST the way they were telling me too, so I was really getting a full affect and they wouldn't let me do any less. I began coughing after every hit they had me do because I wasn't use to it at all and it was overwhelming. I think it started to really circulate through my body because I suddenly felt like I was going to freak out because it was a feeling I had never experienced before and I started to feel so weird. They handed me a water bottle right before we started to do this and now I knew why they did. I kept taking a drink after every hit to try and stop the coughing and the weird feeling in the back of my throat. At one point I thought I was going to have a panic attack because I suddenly had thoughts rushing through my head saying:
"Oh god, what on earth am I doing? I told myself I would never do this, NOW look what I've done. Oh my gosh I don't know what I'm going to do now. I feel like I can't breathe. WHAT AM I DOING?!?!?"

After moments of feeling this way when they tried to make me take another hit I told them to leave me alone and laid down on Zack's bed. By this time people had started to come into his room and socialize, as well as whoever wanted to take a hit was joining the group. I stayed on the bed just laying there listening to everyone. I suddenly realized I wanted my water bottle which was on the table far enough away to the point that I couldn't reach. Granted I still tried to reach it. Zack finally looked over at me after I tried to call his name many times. He began laughing at me and asked what I was doing.
"I WANT MY WATER BOTTLE!" I said trying even harder now to reach it.
"You mean the water bottle that barely has anything left in it?" He laughed.
"I don't care I still want it!!!!" I said knowing that I only had a drink or so left in it. For some reason I was just determined to have it.
"How about I give you something else to drink." He said looking around and picked up a Mike's Hard Lemonade but than set it back down.
"HEY I'll have that!!!!!" I said now trying to reach that. He suddenly had a shocked look on his face. I don't think he was expecting a reaction like that out of me. Seeing that I've never really drank a whole lot before. "Wow, really you want this?" He said as I shook my head, "Dang your going all out!" He said picking it up and laughing. He asked his cousin if I could have it since it was the rest of her drink. She laughed as well and said yes, "But I added a little more alcohol to it, so its going to have a little more of a kick than usual. I took a couple drinks, realized that yes, indeed there was more of a kick to it than usual, smiled, gave it back to Zack and laid back down. I closed my eyes for a moment or two and when I opened them I saw Luke was coming through the bedroom door. "AW shit! He found me, and I don't want him to know that I've done this!" I felt really bad because he told me he would stay sober with me and here I was laying on Zack's bed practically stoned (at least I think I was, then again I've never been stoned before so I wouldn't be able to tell you if I was or not) and here he was coming in the room knowing very well, I'm sure that people were smoking in Zack's room. I closed my eyes again very quickly and kept them closed that way I could act like I never saw him. As I laid there though I began to feel my muscles twitch. Muscles I didn't even know I could move were randomly moving. I began to try to control it and I realized I could do it to almost any muscle. I smiled and giggled a little to myself but tried to keep really quiet because I didn't want Luke to notice to see. I was so entertained by it though for sure!

Finally people started to notice me again and realized that I really wasn't moving nor did it look like I was awake. "Dude Ashley is OUT of it!" "Yeah she’s past out for sure" I heard people saying and responding back to each other.
"NO I'M NOT!" I objected!
"Oh hey Ashley!" Zack said seeing me opening my eyes and looking towards him. People began talking and they finally stated so pretty much everyone knew in the room that I had smoked a little bit and I was indeed getting high or feeling it at least. "SNAP! He knows now I'm almost sure of it!" I thought putting my head face first in the pillow I was laying on. Zack picked up something on the table granted I didn't see it until he put it in front of my face. "Ashley try this now!" He said putting a bong in front of my face.
"NO!" I said protesting.
"Come on!" He said trying to object and put it closer to my face.
"NOOOOOO ZACK!!!" I said whimpering and putting my face in the pillow now. I was seriously scared of the thing and I didn't want to do it at all! Luke, a few minutes later, walked out of the room so I finally got up and started talking to everyone. Though I realized that I was REALLY starting to feel it and that I should lay back down after a few moments of sitting up because everything began to spin around me and I felt really weak, funny, and amused at the same time. I giggled and laid my head back down where I stayed for a few more moments. Luke came back into the room and it looked like I had never left the spot I was in.

Everyone began to chat around me again and I just listened to everyone. Once I felt a little better and not like I was going to fall over if I sat up I got up and walked past Luke into the living room to grab my blanket I had had a majority of the night and went back out to the fire. I wanted to be alone, in a quiet area so I could think about everything and get away from all of the noises. Well, I was able to do that, but then Luke came out and once again sat back down by me. I knew he knew I had done it and I felt really bad. I wanted to speak up and say something about it, but I didn't know how to or what to say. We sat there for a couple of moments in silence he probably upset and running through his head just why I did it. I totally out of it and COMPLETELY enjoying it, but at the same time trying not to show it so much. I finally looked over at him and told him the truth.

"I feel really bad..." I said than looked away from him.
"Why do you feel bad?"
"Well..... we talked earlier and you said that you would stay sober with me tonight; that you and I would be the only two people pretty much sober here. And than here I am, had a couple hits and now!.... I just feel bad."
Silence fell through the air so I felt as if I should continue because he didn't understand. "I mean, I know you don't do that anymore and I personally have NEVER wanted to do it, nor even TRY it and personally? I never want to do it again, because it scared me. I hated the feeling when I did it and at one point I thought I almost was going to have a panic attack with how much Zack was giving me. I've appeased Zack, because now I have finally tried it for the first time with him, but I really don't want to do it again."
"I understand that people have to try something every once in a while..... It's ok, just so long as you don't constantly do it." I laughed for a moment at his comment.
"Oh no I don't intend to at all and OH MY GOSH! Zack when he was trying to get me to try that bong? It scared me HALF TO DEATH! I don't like that thing, it looks creepy and it scares me."
"Ah yes the bong. That was always my favorite thing."
"Really? Well, I don't like it. It scares me!" Now it was his turn to laugh at me.

I really can't remember the rest of our conversation or things that were said back and forth and its not because I was high, more or less its because this all happened probably two months ago. Unfortunately and I'm now just having time to write about it all. I can say that he told me that night that he still cared about me, has always continued to like me. Even after we broke up in January and he had gone out with some other girl for almost two if not three months and even after he dated someone else who he had just broke up with a few days before (and in fact was at the party that night. But by this time she was asleep in her tent). I was shocked with everything he was telling me and I didn't get why he was telling me. I claimed the next day that I didn't remember what we had talked about to him.... let alone the whole rest of the night, but in all honesty. I remembered everything. I'm just saying.... that’s probably why I can't remember a majority of how our conversations went.... I didn't want to.

He somehow ended up kissing me again and I was so (ok I'm just going to say it because I'm sure I was) high that I really didn't care and just went with it. And then somehow I was able to get away after a while of talking with him and went back inside..... Actually *thinks for a moment* I think that we both were saying how cold is was getting outside and that we should probably go inside. That and the fire was almost out so we really didn't have anymore light outside so we went back into the living room.

Jason (a senior who I must admit is very cute and now, sadly has graduated) was sitting on the furtherest couch from us when we came it (let me paint a picture in your head how the living room looks..... The tv is in the far left corner of the room and then there’s a couch on the whole right side of the room and than another couch perpendicular to the other couch (so the couch’s made a L shape in the room only the L was backwards _! like that! ^_^ sorry I couldn't help it!! and then a table was in the middle of the room) and Donovan was on the other couch (the one closest to us when we came in) and they were both, once again, playing Super Smash bros, only this time you could tell that they were both stoned. Donovan was SOOOO high! His eyes were red and he didn't even look like he knew what was really going on around him. You could tell Jason was too with how goofy he was acting and laughing all the time, but he still said hi to me and could understand what was going on around him.

Luke sat down by Donovan and asked him how the game was going. Donovan didn't responded right away. It took him a second to realize Luke had asked him a question and then he went on about how he didn't even know how he was doing in the game, because they were just watching a already played match at the moment. I didn't want to sit by Luke and Donovan, and since there was no room I had an excuse to sit away from them. I ended up sitting down on the other end of the table close to the tv. Jason offered to scoot over so I could sit on the couch but I told him I was fine and just watched the game they were playing. A few minutes later Zack came out with some alcohol and half of it was still left.
"Hey guys!" He said to the whole group, "Could you guys finish this up and then throw it away or hide it because my parent won't like having alcohol out and at the party." He finished and put the vodka on the table almost right in front of me. His last comment made me giggle a little bit because they would be upset to have alcohol at the party but I almost saw everything single thing if not DID see every since thing you could ever use to smoke pot and WAS used by almost everyone and that was completely fine?

No one really jumped to have a shot.... well, except for Jason who had a shot glass close by him on the table. He had a shot and than asked if I wanted one.
"Ummmmm.... I've never had a shot before...."
"Whoa seriously?!?" was Jason's response and almost the same out of Zacks mouth.
"Oh you HAVE to have a shot than!" Zack said as Jason began to pour me one.
"But when you're done taking the shot, have a drink of this." Jason said finishing pouring the shot and than past me this huge thing of mountain dew code red. The funny thing was I've never even had mountain dew code red before so it was going to be a new thing for both things. I was hesitant to drink it, not because I didn't want to but because I could tell Luke was staring me down, just waiting for me to take the drink and than be disappointed in me once again. I didn't want that, but everyone wanted me to try the shot and personally I was getting the nerve to do it. So I finally said screw it, took the shot and had a drink of the code red. Everyone clapped and Jason poured another shot for him and once he was done I took another shot. After my second Luke spoke up. "Ok I'll have a shot too." He said grabbing both the vodka and the shot glass and taking a shot. A huge weight of guilt fell over him "He wouldn't have taken that shot if I hadn't had two shots. He broke his promise because I was no longer sober anymore."

Though I realized it was done and personally could tell he had been wanting to have a shot for a while so the guilt soon pasted and I had another shot, while the boys started a new round of the game. After Jason was done with a round he took another shot as well. By this time Zack had been sitting down by Jason watching me and then Eric came into the room and asked how everyone was doing and if Zack was going to go to bed soon. Everyone filled him in on how I have never taken shots before as I began to take another. I first put it in my left hand but then I remembered that I had to take a drink of the mountain dew afterwards so I put the shot glass in my right hand and grabbed the moutain dew in my left.
"She's taken shots before. She looks like an expert the way she putting the shot glass in one hand and making sure she's doing it right!" Eric protested.
"No really I've never taken shots before till this night!" I said then taking another shot.
"Wait how many have you had now?" Jason asked while trying to continue playing his game.
"Ummmm..... four." I said in a sweet little innocent voice.
"WHOA!... Yeah you probably should slow down just a little bit there." Were Jason's and Luke's comments to me. Luke's comment being the more "adult thing to say since he was acting as if he was taking care of me and watching over me. Since he had said that it almost set off this rebellion inside of me and soon I was taking another shot as quiet as I possibly could while the boys were playing, so there focus was on the game and not me. Only Zack had saw it, smiled and shook his head. "Ok guys well, I'm going to go to sleep, but could you guys PLEASE finish that up and get rid of it?" Zack said standing up and walking slowly towards the kitchen and outside, because he was sleeping in one of the tents outside.
"Oh yeah.... No problem.... See you tomorrow Zack.... good night hun!" Was all of our comments to Zack as he began to leave and head to bed. After a few more moments Jason poured himself another shot and I had another after him.
"Whoa take it easy Ashley!" Jason said looking at me taking my sixth shot.
"Yeah if you've never had shots before you really should stop." Luke said to me.
"How many have you had now? Was that your fifth?" Jason asked waiting for me to respond.
"Yeah...." I said smiling as I lied to the both of them and they both thought it was the truth.
"Yeah I think you've had enough Ashley." Luke said moving the alcohol away from me.
"BUT I DON'T EVEN FEEL IT!!!!!" Was my protest to the both of them. And it was the truth; I didn't feel anything, yet at the same time I think I was the cause of that. I kept saying with every drink "This isn't going to do anything to me. I'm not going to get drunk" were my comments to myself and I think I really started to believe that so I therefore wasn't getting drunk.

Jason and Donovan had both lost our of the tournament and Luke was the only one left so I began talking with Jason. He told me how he wanted to go in the hot tub and I agreed so after a few more moments of figuring out what we were going to do we both got up and started to get our bathing suits on.
"What are you guys doing?" Luke said trying to continue playing his game.
"Oh we are going to go in the hot tub. Just meet us in there when you are done with the game k?" Jason said while walking towards the bathroom to change.
"Oh.... ok" Luke responded and went back to his game. I smiled and went into the other bathroom to change. Once we both were dressed down Jason and I went onto the deck and got into the hot tub..... with the mountain dew and vodka of course!

When we got into the hot tub Jason and I began talking about the night, how good the hot tub felt and what we thought of the party. After our discussions about that Jason asked a question that made me sigh and made me really not want to answer. "So whats going on with you and Luke?"
"UGH! I don't know! I mean he told me tonight that he REALLY likes me but he just got done with dating his last girlfriend and personally I really don't like him like that another and.... I don't know what to do. Now he is like ALWAYS around me and watching me everywhere I go and I really don't like it at all!"
"Well, he's looking out for you."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I can take care of myself!" I said shaking my head up and down and almost making myself fall off my seat in the hot tub almost into the water. I was really starting to feel the alcohol.
"Well, if anything else happens or you are uncomfortable with anything that he does just yell 'Da-code-a'"
"Da-code-a?" I said thinking about it for a moment.
"Yeah and when you do, I'll help you out of the situation, but in a way that he never would have known you were wanting out of a situation."
"Oh... ok... THANK YOU!!!!" I said with a smile, and by this time Luke had started walking towards the hot tub and that was the end of that conversation.
"So how did the tournament go?" Jason said as if acting like nothing we had just talked about had anything to do with him. I smiled at this.
"Oh, I won" Luke said coming into the hot tub, almost sitting by me until I moved over so he could get in. When I did this I ended up not sitting ON a seat but backwards on a seat holding onto the side of the hot tub. As Jason and Luke continued to talk, I was in my own little world and I would slowly began to fall back in the hot tub and when I almost had no more grip on the side I would pull myself up real quick. I kept doing that over and over again and Luke kept thinking that I was going to fall in so anytime I would do it he would put his arm right behind me so if I fell in he would have a hold me me. Even though I had total control of the whole situation. It just felt fun to me and I was amused by it. I decided to join the conversation but only enough to ask about the alcohol.
"So are we going to mix the rest of it with the moutain dew?"
"Yeah go ahead and do that." Jason said than continued to talk to Luke. As I began to swim to the mountain dew with the vodka in my hands I tried to be very sneaky and took another hit real quick from the bottle only, I tried to do it so quickly that I got more than I was expecting and almost drank the rest of the vodka. I laughed at this and poured the rest of it quickly into the mountain dew. "Ok all done" I said passing it to Jason.
After a few more moments Jason decided that it was getting really hot in the hot tub and got out. I really didn't want him to get out but I didn't protest in front of Luke. Once he left however I swam over to the spot that he was at before an was swimming around, totally and completely amused with myself and tried not to think of the fact that Luke and I were the only ones in the hot tub. I asked if he could tell I was a little buzzed by the alcohol and he said definitely.
"Really?!?! Because I really don't feel it. I mean I don't feel THAT different. I only feel like I'm talking a little differently, OH and that I'm using a lot of different expressions on my face. But that’s about it." I said almost falling over but catching myself before it was too obvious. Luke laughed at my protest of just how buzzed I felt and told me to come over to him. I looked at him for a moment and he put his arms out like he wanted me to come over so slowly but surely I came over to him and gave him a hug. I had my head on his chest as I gave him a hug and when I looked up at him to say something he leaned in and kissed me. The whole time I was thinking "Da-code-a, DA-CODE-A!!!!" but Jason wasn't anywhere around. I couldn't help but to enjoy it a little bit which drove me crazy because that kid can really make me melt like I said before, when it comes to kissing. I didn't realize I had said this out loud until later, I thought I had only said it in my head, but indeed after kissing him I told him that he kissed REALLY good. He smiled at this and told me the same thing. "Even when you have been drinking."
"AH! SHUT UP!!!!" I said pushing myself away from him and then after another minute getting up and walking to the edge of the hot tub and getting out. He must have thought that I was incapable of doing it myself because he helped me out and made sure I didn't fall. Sure I was walking not so straight anymore, but I didn't need THAT much help.

Once getting back inside I went back into the bathroom to change out of my wet bathing suit.