Ouran Fanfiction!! OH NOES

[summerkins]

Author: summerkins
Fandom: Ouran Host Club
Characters/Pairings: Fujioka Haruhi / Morinozuka Takashi
Title: Stranded
Rating: PG - Only kissing really
Disclaimer: Not mine! Characters belong to Bisco Hatori.
Notes: Written for one_blanket Oh Em Gee. I cannot believe i whipped this out in just a couple hours! Much much MUCH love to rosephantom for the help and betaing. She helped me

Comments

[degrees]

Hello! I just read your fic, and instead of just moving on and not saying anything, I figured I'd leave a little constructive criticism for you. I really hope you don't take this in the wrong light, as I'm in no way attempting to flame you, I just thought I'd point out something that bothered me, just for your information. Use it, don't, up to you. I just want to be helpful!

Okay, the thing I noticed that bugged me was that you have Haruhi here not knowing whether or not she's still in Japan, which is unrealistic. If she had gotten a passport like you said, she would have had to show it to someone and get it stamped to enter a new country. Depending on the country, she may have even needed to apply for an entry visa. No matter how rich her travelling companions, no country is going to just let people traipse in without authorisation. Especially not with the political climate the way it is right now. And Haruhi is a smart enough girl to know something like that. So unless they bound and gagged her, or sedated her, and had her passport stamped without her knowing (and even then, customs probably wouldn't let them through with someone done up hostage-style. They'd probably have them arrested instead *grins*), then they were probably still in Japan, and she would probably know it.

Anyway! I hope you keep writing, because I see you have some potential! Don't let it go for another year!

Much love,
Lizzie

[summerkins]

Yeah...i'm not sure why i did that...except i didn't know any snowy mountian areas in Japan and wanted to leave it open XD thanks for the tip though.