(no subject)

Jan 19, 2009 20:34

I can't stand being at home anymore. I hate it, my mom's bipolar disorder is out of control and it's driving me insane. I can't take it, I have no idea what to do anymore. When I'm not home I'm so fine and there is no stress but then I come home and I get everything dumped on my shoulders. I can't go to my dad's because I owe him money and he'll just yell at me. Plus, both jobs are in town and they would be 40 minutes away and I don't have any money for gas. I'm just really growing to hate everything and I'm losing faith in almost everything with my life. It's like my light is fading out and there's no saving it. My mom stole my anti-depressants so she could sleep and I've been off of them for two months roughly. I don't know where I'm going anymore. Sometimes I debate on doing drugs which is out of my character and not even like me, but the more I read about them the more I'm fascinated with it, even though I see the consequences of the actions being done. I guess I just really don't care what happens to me anymore. I wish I did. I wish I could tell him how I feel so he'd understand and maybe help me, but I can't even tell my counselor, I've gotten too good to know her. I lie to her about how I've been, it's been so easy to lie to people. No one reads this so I guess it just makes it easier to type randomly on the internet. I really wish I could believe there was hope. I don't want to be here tonight.
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