[Hikaru no Go] [Shindou/Touya]
Title: More Logical Thoughts
Fandom: Hikaru no Go
Characters: Shindou Hikaru/Touya Akira
Word count: 1731
Rating: PG
Summary: Shindou and Touya spend time together. Shindou becomes confused.
A/N: My dear friend (and I believe that you know exactly who you are), thank you for keeping me writing and ensuring that I didn't procrastinate too much. I'll thank you properly later.
”Tou~ya! It won’t kill you.” Shindou tried to persuade.
“I’m sure you are right. It won’t kill me, but it’s just not normal.”
“But sunshine is healthy at times and you know that they used to play outside. Just because we tend to play in the institute or in salons doesn’t mean that one has to do so.”
“But why?” Touya asked, still not really understanding Shindou’s reasoning.
Shindou shrugged. “Because it’s nice, because I like being outside and because we need some fresh air? Let’s try it once and if it’s not okay, then we’ll continue playing inside, okay?”
“Okay. That sounds reasonable enough,” Touya smiled.
-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Shindou was to realize two things. First. Playing outside was every bit as nice as he had assumed it to be. Sun was shining, it was warm and the slight breeze made sure that the weather didn’t become uncomfortably warm. Second. Being outside with Touya was nice. And that didn’t have anything to do with go.
Outside, Touya was more relaxed. His mind still worked brilliantly and he still connected everything to go, but that was just the way Shindou preferred it. They could talk about weather or holidays or even politics (although neither of them really followed it), and somehow, it would connect to go, or they would talk using go terms.
It was refreshing to realize that he was not the only nutcase in the world. The only person whose first thought after seeing a minister lose his job was “I had thought that he was in an atari for such a long time that there was no other possibility”.
It made talking easier and it decreased the amount of time one needed to explain or the amount of time one knew he was considered crazy by the person he was talking to. It increased the amount of time nobody around understood anything and everybody around thought they were crazy. That was pretty funny, too.
-_-_-_-_-_-_-
“Nobody with a brain does that,” Touya glared at Shindou.
“But someone with a brain just did,” Shindou replied fast, with a slightly teasing but very confident voice.
“Well, it makes the existence of the said someone’s brain highly questionable,” Touya said, rising his brows.
“But you still play against that someone.”
“Yes. And sometimes I wonder about it,” Touya sighed but a grin was almost obvious and they both knew that he didn’t mean the insult for a minute but it made Shindou think.
How miserable would his life be if there was no Touya to play against?
And then he realized that Touya didn’t only enjoy playing but Touya also enjoyed the arguments. Just like he enjoyed them, too.
There were two kinds of arguments. The less serious ones, in which they glared and used their voices to question each other’s abilities and intelligence. Then there were the serious arguments in which they really meant what they said. At least momentarily.
The first type of arguments made Shindou grin inwardly.
The second type of arguments had made Shindou leave the saloon. Nowadays, for some weird reason, they didn’t have that effect anymore and it wasn’t only because of playing outside the salon but because of something completely different. He had started to suspect that it might have a connection with the combination of Touya’s face two centimeters away from his own and adrenaline rush.
-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Shindou found himself looking for reasons to meet Touya. Or excuses. It was complicated, because those certainly weren’t only excuses. For instance, playing go with Touya was a whole big reason to meet him. Still, that was also the excuse he mostly used.
It was rather easy. He only had to text-message, “Go, in two hours, in the park, I will bring the goban?” and Touya would reply either, “Yes.” or “I’m sorry but it’s not possible. How about in three hours?” or something very similar. Then he would go to the park and see Touya smiling at him, and it alone would justify the trip to the park.
Go made it worth so much more.
He couldn’t help wondering whether he was only a go opponent to Touya or something else, too. To be a go opponent was good. It was better than good. Very few people could get a living from their passion and even fewer had eternal rivals, but somehow, he felt that it wasn’t enough. That something was missing. He couldn’t pinpoint the empty place with his finger; but it was there.
Sometimes he was sure he saw something in Touya’s eyes that implied what he wished to be true, and sometimes Touya’s smile looked as if it agreed with him or tried to tell him something. Then it would go away, and be replaced with the thrilling fierce glare. And he wasn’t even sure what he wanted to see or what he felt or thought. But that something was there and more of that would be good.
-_-_-_-_-_-_-
“At times my mother tried to stop me and my father talking about go all the time. She hardly succeeded.” Touya smiled fondly at the memory.
It was moments like this that made Shindou feel special. He wanted to know everything about Touya, but he couldn’t really ask. He didn’t have a right to know (when he had gotten older, he had understood the meaning of words “personal space” and “privacy”) and it could cause peculiar questions. And he had even less right to know because he wasn’t prepared to tell anything.
Someday he would tell everything about Sai, but that day wasn’t coming soon.
It wasn’t only the need to know everything about Touya but the feel when Touya told him. Touya wasn’t secretive, and he could be surprisingly open but he hardly told much about himself to anybody. Even less about his childhood.
There were lots of wild rumours, but none of those was based on anything Touya had ever told, but on the memories other people had.
Shindou didn’t know whether Touya told all the things because he wanted to tell them or because he thought that they would help their game. Telling accidentially was out of the question. Touya didn’t do such accidents.
Shindou believed in Touya wanting to tell because he couldn’t figure out how exactly those pieces would be necessary in the hunt for the hand of god.
-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Touya’s sense of fashion hadn’t gotten any better. It was as hideous and colour-blind and unique as it had been for the past years.
Shindou had never really thought about Touya’s clothes, more just momentarily wondered along the lines of, “Why can’t that guy dress properly?” or “Someone should take him shopping”. But most of the time he had concentrated on Touya’s go and nothing else, especially not on Touya’s clothes.
Somehow he found himself thinking more and more about Touya’s clothes and actually never in the sense that there was something wrong with them. He was extremely happy with the way Touya dressed. Touya’s clothes were just very perfect.
Although Shindou couldn’t really understand what had made him decide that a slim purple shirt made of very thin fabric and trousers that showed off Touya’s ass were a better possibility than slightly loose colourful T-shirts and jeans
-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Shindou had to admit that many of his opinions about Touya had changed. The main thing hadn’t, and the main thing was that Touya was still Touya, who was completely unique and exceptional and just not comparable to anything else.
And that caused more problems.
He had started to doubt that maybe, perhaps, he might be a tiny bit interested in Touya. He had seen Mitani behave irrationally around Akari, and even though he couldn’t ever admit being that strange, his current behaviour was unnervingly similar. And his thoughts even more so.
Or actually, maybe it wasn’t just a tiny crush but falling completely for Touya.
But then again, that wasn’t possible. Touya was Touya, and one didn’t fall in love with Touya. One could play with him or talk with him, or even disagree with him (if that one happened to be Shindou), but one didn’t fall in love with him.
Therefore, Shindou Hikaru was not in love with Touya Akira.
That conclusion caused even more problems. He couldn’t really understand that why, if he wasn’t in love with Touya, did he have sudden urges to imagine Touya’s lips or to imagine kissing them, or why the image of Touya smiling softly, hair swaying in the wind, just popped into his mind out of nowhere.
Something in the logic was wrong and badly. Correct logic shouldn’t cause contradictions.
-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Touya was smiling slightly when he listened to Shindou explaining how he had won a 5-dan player the previous evening. The game had been good but it was clear from every sentence that it was nothing compared to their everyday games together.
Desperate situations required desperate measures, and correct logic causing wrong conclusions surely counted as a very desperate situation. The situation just required some solution. It didn’t matter what kind of solution (or actually, it mattered).
Therefore Shindou decided to do something very drastic. Of course bigger reason was that the temptation happened to be too great to be ignored.
He pressed his lips to Touya’s and waited for some sort of response. It was only then that he really realized the possible consequences.
Touya could, theoretically, push him away and refuse to talk to him ever again. Except that Touya couldn’t possibly do that, because it would mean end to the hope of finding the hand of god and to the challenging daily games. Some very small bit of Shindou’s brain was still working properly and excluding impossible cases.
Touya could, also theoretically, just not respond at all, and when the kiss would end, there would be a horrible long silence and then they would try get everything back to the way it used to be. And it was sad that there was no bit of Shindou’s brain telling that that was impossible.
Fortunately, that was when Touya’s lips started to move. Not to get away but to get more of Shindou.
Shindou realized that there was no mistake in logic but a mistake in assumptions. He should have remembered that while Touya Akira was an exception, also Shindou Hikaru was generally considered to be an exception and to have specialized in doing seemingly impossible things.
Fandom: Hikaru no Go
Characters: Shindou Hikaru/Touya Akira
Word count: 1731
Rating: PG
Summary: Shindou and Touya spend time together. Shindou becomes confused.
A/N: My dear friend (and I believe that you know exactly who you are), thank you for keeping me writing and ensuring that I didn't procrastinate too much. I'll thank you properly later.
”Tou~ya! It won’t kill you.” Shindou tried to persuade.
“I’m sure you are right. It won’t kill me, but it’s just not normal.”
“But sunshine is healthy at times and you know that they used to play outside. Just because we tend to play in the institute or in salons doesn’t mean that one has to do so.”
“But why?” Touya asked, still not really understanding Shindou’s reasoning.
Shindou shrugged. “Because it’s nice, because I like being outside and because we need some fresh air? Let’s try it once and if it’s not okay, then we’ll continue playing inside, okay?”
“Okay. That sounds reasonable enough,” Touya smiled.
-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Shindou was to realize two things. First. Playing outside was every bit as nice as he had assumed it to be. Sun was shining, it was warm and the slight breeze made sure that the weather didn’t become uncomfortably warm. Second. Being outside with Touya was nice. And that didn’t have anything to do with go.
Outside, Touya was more relaxed. His mind still worked brilliantly and he still connected everything to go, but that was just the way Shindou preferred it. They could talk about weather or holidays or even politics (although neither of them really followed it), and somehow, it would connect to go, or they would talk using go terms.
It was refreshing to realize that he was not the only nutcase in the world. The only person whose first thought after seeing a minister lose his job was “I had thought that he was in an atari for such a long time that there was no other possibility”.
It made talking easier and it decreased the amount of time one needed to explain or the amount of time one knew he was considered crazy by the person he was talking to. It increased the amount of time nobody around understood anything and everybody around thought they were crazy. That was pretty funny, too.
-_-_-_-_-_-_-
“Nobody with a brain does that,” Touya glared at Shindou.
“But someone with a brain just did,” Shindou replied fast, with a slightly teasing but very confident voice.
“Well, it makes the existence of the said someone’s brain highly questionable,” Touya said, rising his brows.
“But you still play against that someone.”
“Yes. And sometimes I wonder about it,” Touya sighed but a grin was almost obvious and they both knew that he didn’t mean the insult for a minute but it made Shindou think.
How miserable would his life be if there was no Touya to play against?
And then he realized that Touya didn’t only enjoy playing but Touya also enjoyed the arguments. Just like he enjoyed them, too.
There were two kinds of arguments. The less serious ones, in which they glared and used their voices to question each other’s abilities and intelligence. Then there were the serious arguments in which they really meant what they said. At least momentarily.
The first type of arguments made Shindou grin inwardly.
The second type of arguments had made Shindou leave the saloon. Nowadays, for some weird reason, they didn’t have that effect anymore and it wasn’t only because of playing outside the salon but because of something completely different. He had started to suspect that it might have a connection with the combination of Touya’s face two centimeters away from his own and adrenaline rush.
-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Shindou found himself looking for reasons to meet Touya. Or excuses. It was complicated, because those certainly weren’t only excuses. For instance, playing go with Touya was a whole big reason to meet him. Still, that was also the excuse he mostly used.
It was rather easy. He only had to text-message, “Go, in two hours, in the park, I will bring the goban?” and Touya would reply either, “Yes.” or “I’m sorry but it’s not possible. How about in three hours?” or something very similar. Then he would go to the park and see Touya smiling at him, and it alone would justify the trip to the park.
Go made it worth so much more.
He couldn’t help wondering whether he was only a go opponent to Touya or something else, too. To be a go opponent was good. It was better than good. Very few people could get a living from their passion and even fewer had eternal rivals, but somehow, he felt that it wasn’t enough. That something was missing. He couldn’t pinpoint the empty place with his finger; but it was there.
Sometimes he was sure he saw something in Touya’s eyes that implied what he wished to be true, and sometimes Touya’s smile looked as if it agreed with him or tried to tell him something. Then it would go away, and be replaced with the thrilling fierce glare. And he wasn’t even sure what he wanted to see or what he felt or thought. But that something was there and more of that would be good.
-_-_-_-_-_-_-
“At times my mother tried to stop me and my father talking about go all the time. She hardly succeeded.” Touya smiled fondly at the memory.
It was moments like this that made Shindou feel special. He wanted to know everything about Touya, but he couldn’t really ask. He didn’t have a right to know (when he had gotten older, he had understood the meaning of words “personal space” and “privacy”) and it could cause peculiar questions. And he had even less right to know because he wasn’t prepared to tell anything.
Someday he would tell everything about Sai, but that day wasn’t coming soon.
It wasn’t only the need to know everything about Touya but the feel when Touya told him. Touya wasn’t secretive, and he could be surprisingly open but he hardly told much about himself to anybody. Even less about his childhood.
There were lots of wild rumours, but none of those was based on anything Touya had ever told, but on the memories other people had.
Shindou didn’t know whether Touya told all the things because he wanted to tell them or because he thought that they would help their game. Telling accidentially was out of the question. Touya didn’t do such accidents.
Shindou believed in Touya wanting to tell because he couldn’t figure out how exactly those pieces would be necessary in the hunt for the hand of god.
-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Touya’s sense of fashion hadn’t gotten any better. It was as hideous and colour-blind and unique as it had been for the past years.
Shindou had never really thought about Touya’s clothes, more just momentarily wondered along the lines of, “Why can’t that guy dress properly?” or “Someone should take him shopping”. But most of the time he had concentrated on Touya’s go and nothing else, especially not on Touya’s clothes.
Somehow he found himself thinking more and more about Touya’s clothes and actually never in the sense that there was something wrong with them. He was extremely happy with the way Touya dressed. Touya’s clothes were just very perfect.
Although Shindou couldn’t really understand what had made him decide that a slim purple shirt made of very thin fabric and trousers that showed off Touya’s ass were a better possibility than slightly loose colourful T-shirts and jeans
-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Shindou had to admit that many of his opinions about Touya had changed. The main thing hadn’t, and the main thing was that Touya was still Touya, who was completely unique and exceptional and just not comparable to anything else.
And that caused more problems.
He had started to doubt that maybe, perhaps, he might be a tiny bit interested in Touya. He had seen Mitani behave irrationally around Akari, and even though he couldn’t ever admit being that strange, his current behaviour was unnervingly similar. And his thoughts even more so.
Or actually, maybe it wasn’t just a tiny crush but falling completely for Touya.
But then again, that wasn’t possible. Touya was Touya, and one didn’t fall in love with Touya. One could play with him or talk with him, or even disagree with him (if that one happened to be Shindou), but one didn’t fall in love with him.
Therefore, Shindou Hikaru was not in love with Touya Akira.
That conclusion caused even more problems. He couldn’t really understand that why, if he wasn’t in love with Touya, did he have sudden urges to imagine Touya’s lips or to imagine kissing them, or why the image of Touya smiling softly, hair swaying in the wind, just popped into his mind out of nowhere.
Something in the logic was wrong and badly. Correct logic shouldn’t cause contradictions.
-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Touya was smiling slightly when he listened to Shindou explaining how he had won a 5-dan player the previous evening. The game had been good but it was clear from every sentence that it was nothing compared to their everyday games together.
Desperate situations required desperate measures, and correct logic causing wrong conclusions surely counted as a very desperate situation. The situation just required some solution. It didn’t matter what kind of solution (or actually, it mattered).
Therefore Shindou decided to do something very drastic. Of course bigger reason was that the temptation happened to be too great to be ignored.
He pressed his lips to Touya’s and waited for some sort of response. It was only then that he really realized the possible consequences.
Touya could, theoretically, push him away and refuse to talk to him ever again. Except that Touya couldn’t possibly do that, because it would mean end to the hope of finding the hand of god and to the challenging daily games. Some very small bit of Shindou’s brain was still working properly and excluding impossible cases.
Touya could, also theoretically, just not respond at all, and when the kiss would end, there would be a horrible long silence and then they would try get everything back to the way it used to be. And it was sad that there was no bit of Shindou’s brain telling that that was impossible.
Fortunately, that was when Touya’s lips started to move. Not to get away but to get more of Shindou.
Shindou realized that there was no mistake in logic but a mistake in assumptions. He should have remembered that while Touya Akira was an exception, also Shindou Hikaru was generally considered to be an exception and to have specialized in doing seemingly impossible things.