Comments | summercircles: Refrigerator Art ∼ Set-up (1/3/16; WC 834) Q

summercircles

Refrigerator Art ∼ Set-up (1/3/16; WC 834) Q

Dec 04, 2001 21:33

Table of Contents (summercircles)

Table of Contents (Despina's Infamous Green Journal) (sumercircles)

Table of Contents (Despina's Infamous Green Journal) (travelsfar)

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Refrigerator Art, Set-up

If you can't find the bright side, polish the dull side.

∼ Unknown

On her early morning ramble, Despina realizes that she misses Alberto's exuberant ( Read more... )

sotfw: sc

Comments 4

Critique Group's Comments from Where'sMeKilt summercircles February 1 2010, 00:43:50 UTC

Continuity jump: ...He already got one warnin' 'bout not removin' them nasty chemicals, so he jist might be int'rested."

"How much them Injuns willing to pay apiece for 'em?"

Re: Critique Group's Comments from Where'sMeKilt pandemo February 7 2010, 15:45:49 UTC

Does the new addition address this suitably? It feels overblown to me.

sydneydaile February 8 2010, 03:02:02 UTC

All is fine to me here in terms of plot. Despina certainly deals with these people well, maybe they're a bit like the Iowa folk she left behind? :)

Just one thing I noticed:
"You'll supply the hose, I assume?" Despina arched one eyebrow, meeting his eyes.
arches, instead?

Good Catch! pandemo February 10 2010, 01:12:53 UTC

I've just been going back and adding the he said/she said stuff. I'd omit it all if I were clever enough to keep people on track without it...

I switched the whole thing a bit, as it is a duplicate of an action I just had her do not three paragraphs away. Now, that's a HABIT if it's recurring that often!

Then I reread, and switched scratched and slid as well... all recent late-night additions. Today, I'm having a 20/20 day (the eye doctor said "some 20/20) and saw a " that was one space from the end, so used the wrong". It was in something I'd typed before the operations...