I skipped a whole month
Gheeze, I haven't updated since the end of September. That's no good! And the strange thing is when you don't update every day like I once did long ago its hard to say that much is new cuz either so much is new or so much is just the daily stuff cuz you can't talk about one incident that happpened four weeks ago.
well, first of all I'm going to brag about steve. well more us. We are doing flippin fantastic and I must say that that makes me smile so much! I honestly do not believe our relationship has ever been better. its amazing. each weekend is special, sentimental, relaxed and yep just really nice. I look forward to our weekends so much now. and I can honestly say that I haven't always said that about us. there were times before, and its so much easier to realize now tha I really am happy, that I was not happy with him, the relationship or our time spent together. and I'd like to think that its not just cuz we are in the "beginning phases" anymore. first of all, being together for such a long time beforehand made us only have a very short "beginning phase" i think and now I just think that's there's appreciation, concern, fun, and communication on both of our sides, almost all the time. yah we still argue occasionally but even then we are so much better at fights. we use I statements, I try really hard to anyway and that's worked very well and its more that we just have differnt ways to approach problems/situations. I delve into stuff, finding out as much as I can about something and worry probably too much but at least I'm worrying. He brushes it off and makes it less than it seems cuz that's how he doesn't panic. I don't panic if I know what I'm up against. That was fun to deal with this week but by the weekend we were golden. we can now just hang out. so relaxing, especially after the weeks I've been having. he massaged me like he said he would without me asking. so nice. we make jokes about each other, (I AM TOO A GIRL by the way) and have pointless conversations about debating the sounds elephants make. we poke, we pinch, and what's amazing is we laugh. both of us. a lot. I love him. This him. I really really do. Yah it still scares me. Even today we talked about how and why about the breakup and were we happy and why weren't we and what were we doing right that we both wanted to try again. and we talked about who would take care of our kids if we both died, and that he'll drive, but in my car on family vacations, and that if he gets a truck it needs to have a backseat cuz he'll need to pick up the kids for day care when I'm finsihing up my masters or have teacher conferences or whatever. just to get that much into a conversation, and not just have the mooshy ones about where do you wanna get married and what are the kids names (which are equally fun conversations don't get me wrong) is really nice cuz there is more of serious aspect to these, more of we really are going to be together in the future not only cuz we love eachother, cuz as we have all painfully found out, that doesn't always cut it, but because we will work things out before and when they do arise. because we can talk more about anything, but espeically the serious stuff we can be more of ourselves with eachother and therefore be a lot more fun and goofy with eachother too.
Am I nervous that I might some day look back at this entry and again comment on my naitivty to real life. my innoence. my belief that things will and can always work out for the best. a little. I won't lie. but this is how I feel now and I honestly can say I see us together, with the two cars, the garage, the two (I had to settle down on this one) adorable children strapped into carseats, heading out on vacation together with him driving "cuz he's the man and of course he'll drive on family vacations". So I'm gonna write it. do some people think I jump to conclusions, think too optimistically or naivly, sure. do I? nope. cuz its me. and I'll do it. yah it sets me up to get hurt and fall harder but I've taken that risk before, ironically with this same boy, who I can't wait to have hold me again come next saturday as I do each week, and yah it sucked but look what I got out of that. you know?
And so what else is new right? I'm not one of those girls that only focuses on her boyfriend. way to indpendent to be that anyway. I'm lucky if we talk once during the week now. twice is a minor miracle. haha. but lets see. The RA thing is going. my floor is amazing and I still love them. People are constantly popping in and out and that works really well for me. I am so used to working on all my homework with five other people in my room so I welcome the distractions even if they are more intermittent. One guy who doesn't live on my floor but may as well told me I'm fantastic, another thanked for me helping him, and one resident said to me the other day as I was having a slight mental breakdown "taryne you know we appreciate all you do right?" and it helped a lot. yay! my guys are trying to plan socials now which I think is adorable, come for homework help, and let me know when they are going home or staying for the weekend. I'm around so much a lot of them even know steve pretty well too which is nice cuz they entertain him when I have lots of hw to do even on the weekends. my girls started liking me maybe a little I think cuz they had surveys to do and I helped gather up residents and the sorts to get their surveys done. we had a fire drillish on the thursday befroe halloween and that was cold, very very cold but all the RAs huddled together and most of us didn't technically even have to be outside (including me) cuz it was only three of the eleven floors but it was a nice bonding moment. I hung out in the RA office last week just for the heck of it with like half the staff cuz we are cool like that. we had a bit of an issue with rumors and inconsistencies that kept me up til two one morning as we all worked it out but we've bounced back since. good. cuz I love them all!
then there is school. so the fact that I took an extra class on top of working 16 normal hours a week, on top of being an RA, on top of living some semblance of a life finally caught up with me these past two weeks but I've powered through and that's that. yah I'm crazy. yah I said it.
everything is going well with my family. patrick hates me cuz he's my case study for child psych and he has to do all these problems and answer all these questions but for the most part he's a good sport :) I heart patrick. some girl will be so lucky to have him as a boyfriend or husband someday. some day far far away. lol. cay is doing good too, busy with her own boy; marissa loves school and is sad this is her last year. mom and dad are playing volleyball on a team once a week and love it. saw dad's side at a surprise party for an uncle. that was nice. haven't seen them since may. so that's one aspect that's going well all and all.
and that, in a nutshell, sorta, covers my life. thanks for reading.haha. its been awhile.
well, first of all I'm going to brag about steve. well more us. We are doing flippin fantastic and I must say that that makes me smile so much! I honestly do not believe our relationship has ever been better. its amazing. each weekend is special, sentimental, relaxed and yep just really nice. I look forward to our weekends so much now. and I can honestly say that I haven't always said that about us. there were times before, and its so much easier to realize now tha I really am happy, that I was not happy with him, the relationship or our time spent together. and I'd like to think that its not just cuz we are in the "beginning phases" anymore. first of all, being together for such a long time beforehand made us only have a very short "beginning phase" i think and now I just think that's there's appreciation, concern, fun, and communication on both of our sides, almost all the time. yah we still argue occasionally but even then we are so much better at fights. we use I statements, I try really hard to anyway and that's worked very well and its more that we just have differnt ways to approach problems/situations. I delve into stuff, finding out as much as I can about something and worry probably too much but at least I'm worrying. He brushes it off and makes it less than it seems cuz that's how he doesn't panic. I don't panic if I know what I'm up against. That was fun to deal with this week but by the weekend we were golden. we can now just hang out. so relaxing, especially after the weeks I've been having. he massaged me like he said he would without me asking. so nice. we make jokes about each other, (I AM TOO A GIRL by the way) and have pointless conversations about debating the sounds elephants make. we poke, we pinch, and what's amazing is we laugh. both of us. a lot. I love him. This him. I really really do. Yah it still scares me. Even today we talked about how and why about the breakup and were we happy and why weren't we and what were we doing right that we both wanted to try again. and we talked about who would take care of our kids if we both died, and that he'll drive, but in my car on family vacations, and that if he gets a truck it needs to have a backseat cuz he'll need to pick up the kids for day care when I'm finsihing up my masters or have teacher conferences or whatever. just to get that much into a conversation, and not just have the mooshy ones about where do you wanna get married and what are the kids names (which are equally fun conversations don't get me wrong) is really nice cuz there is more of serious aspect to these, more of we really are going to be together in the future not only cuz we love eachother, cuz as we have all painfully found out, that doesn't always cut it, but because we will work things out before and when they do arise. because we can talk more about anything, but espeically the serious stuff we can be more of ourselves with eachother and therefore be a lot more fun and goofy with eachother too.
Am I nervous that I might some day look back at this entry and again comment on my naitivty to real life. my innoence. my belief that things will and can always work out for the best. a little. I won't lie. but this is how I feel now and I honestly can say I see us together, with the two cars, the garage, the two (I had to settle down on this one) adorable children strapped into carseats, heading out on vacation together with him driving "cuz he's the man and of course he'll drive on family vacations". So I'm gonna write it. do some people think I jump to conclusions, think too optimistically or naivly, sure. do I? nope. cuz its me. and I'll do it. yah it sets me up to get hurt and fall harder but I've taken that risk before, ironically with this same boy, who I can't wait to have hold me again come next saturday as I do each week, and yah it sucked but look what I got out of that. you know?
And so what else is new right? I'm not one of those girls that only focuses on her boyfriend. way to indpendent to be that anyway. I'm lucky if we talk once during the week now. twice is a minor miracle. haha. but lets see. The RA thing is going. my floor is amazing and I still love them. People are constantly popping in and out and that works really well for me. I am so used to working on all my homework with five other people in my room so I welcome the distractions even if they are more intermittent. One guy who doesn't live on my floor but may as well told me I'm fantastic, another thanked for me helping him, and one resident said to me the other day as I was having a slight mental breakdown "taryne you know we appreciate all you do right?" and it helped a lot. yay! my guys are trying to plan socials now which I think is adorable, come for homework help, and let me know when they are going home or staying for the weekend. I'm around so much a lot of them even know steve pretty well too which is nice cuz they entertain him when I have lots of hw to do even on the weekends. my girls started liking me maybe a little I think cuz they had surveys to do and I helped gather up residents and the sorts to get their surveys done. we had a fire drillish on the thursday befroe halloween and that was cold, very very cold but all the RAs huddled together and most of us didn't technically even have to be outside (including me) cuz it was only three of the eleven floors but it was a nice bonding moment. I hung out in the RA office last week just for the heck of it with like half the staff cuz we are cool like that. we had a bit of an issue with rumors and inconsistencies that kept me up til two one morning as we all worked it out but we've bounced back since. good. cuz I love them all!
then there is school. so the fact that I took an extra class on top of working 16 normal hours a week, on top of being an RA, on top of living some semblance of a life finally caught up with me these past two weeks but I've powered through and that's that. yah I'm crazy. yah I said it.
everything is going well with my family. patrick hates me cuz he's my case study for child psych and he has to do all these problems and answer all these questions but for the most part he's a good sport :) I heart patrick. some girl will be so lucky to have him as a boyfriend or husband someday. some day far far away. lol. cay is doing good too, busy with her own boy; marissa loves school and is sad this is her last year. mom and dad are playing volleyball on a team once a week and love it. saw dad's side at a surprise party for an uncle. that was nice. haven't seen them since may. so that's one aspect that's going well all and all.
and that, in a nutshell, sorta, covers my life. thanks for reading.haha. its been awhile.