(no subject)
I'm still in love with Nick.
I always have been, i suppose.
But it's hard to admit it.
But damn, i miss him.
A lot.
I know we're better as best friends and stuff, but it's SO hard to hang out with him without thinking about "us", you know? :( And the past two weeks have been really interesting. Like, we'd spend hours out back in the pool/hot tub. And then we'd sneak out in the middle of the night and go on a really long walk and even hide in the middle of the cul-de-sac behind our neighborhood for a while....just for the fun of it. We'd talk and stuff but i mean, it's times like that that i wish he was still my bf. And that's exactly why we broke up last time. We went out AGAIN after we spent the whole night laughing at the priest at my little brother's graduation and then sneaking out in the rain to talk...and then we broke up two days later cuz we got "ahead of ourselves." or something like that. Nick just said that hanging out reminded him of the fun we had and that we're def. better as friends.....
I know it's true.
But that truth can go be shoved up someone's ass ( :P )
The REAL truth is that i'm absolultely CRAZY about him. I think about him ALL the time, which sounds really stalkerish, i know, but i mean, it's Nick. I really wish we could have another chance together. Next year, we'll be going to school together and stuff so it'd be easier for us to see each other and..idk.
I just LOVE being around him. I love the person that i am around him. I'm totally myself and i love that. I've known him since i was eight. i can't hide anything so i'm just comfortable as myself. I love how he makes me feel. It's always fun to be around him. I love when we sneak out in the middle of the night. I love when we go for really long walks around the neighborhood, not talking about anything at all, mostly just listening to music. I love when he does the eyebrow thing. I love how he irons his clothes after i made fun of him for it. i love how he knows all the songs that i would love and all the ones that i would hate. I love how my parents trust me with him. I love how we can just hang out and the awkward silences dont seem so awkward. I love how we're so different, yet so much the same. I love how he mixes his Gatorades together. I love how he's so serious about golf and skateboarding at the same time. I love how he always knows what to say. I love the feeling in my stomach when i'm around him. I love how we're totally honest with each other. I love how he can make me laugh at the stupidest things, ever. I love how he'll just randomly lay down on the grass, even if it's in someone else's yard, just to look at the stars. I love how he puts his hand on the small of my back. i love how he always gets splinters from the same bench. i love his face when i have to get the splinters out.
I'm still madly in love with Nick.
