REALITY CHECK
My emotions have ruled me. I am suppose to control my emotions. Monday I knew I was losing so much control. I knew it. Like I was drowning but I didn't know how to swim. Before I was lost without a map.
But my piano teacher has given me this map. I see the solution. I have it in my mind's eye. I visualize it and if I can do that then I am equipped to face it all. I'll be alright.
No more. I'm not gonna give in to these emotions...!!!! When I felt sad I really felt sad and I cried and I didn't really try to stop...I cried and cried till a couple hours went by. I've been weak, haven't fought the good fight. Haven't tried to beat up the bad thoughts. No more! No more bullying. I'm not going to give in. I'm not going to succumb. YEah, life is sucking right now but crying or feeling sad about it isn't gonna change anything. It could in a destructive way...but that's down...that's way down. Drinking, drugs, cutting...that's all downhill temporary numbers. Yeah, I have a crappy family but tough. It's normal to feel like I do. It's normal to go through the thoughts I think. Life moves so fast right now but it's only tempoarary. There's a future. There's more to life than just this microcosm within this tiny city of Los Al. There aren't all these sheltered, spoiled preps and pathetic losers...there's more. Sooner or later life will totally take a turn and change. Things will change. I need to just stand up for myself and make it better. I was dealt this twisted development of my relationships but it's ok. Life is what we make of it. I've been giving in so badly. I've been letting things affect me. NO. Big picture: I'm going to go to college, excel at classes, graduate, get a job I hopefully LOVE, and fall in love and marry and then have sex and make babies (bluntly, but yes).
I may not have good parents but I have an awesome piano teacher who has been through a genocide, assault, close friends massacred, and I was there when she lost her mom.
Thank you world, thank you friends, I send my love, always <3.
But my piano teacher has given me this map. I see the solution. I have it in my mind's eye. I visualize it and if I can do that then I am equipped to face it all. I'll be alright.
No more. I'm not gonna give in to these emotions...!!!! When I felt sad I really felt sad and I cried and I didn't really try to stop...I cried and cried till a couple hours went by. I've been weak, haven't fought the good fight. Haven't tried to beat up the bad thoughts. No more! No more bullying. I'm not going to give in. I'm not going to succumb. YEah, life is sucking right now but crying or feeling sad about it isn't gonna change anything. It could in a destructive way...but that's down...that's way down. Drinking, drugs, cutting...that's all downhill temporary numbers. Yeah, I have a crappy family but tough. It's normal to feel like I do. It's normal to go through the thoughts I think. Life moves so fast right now but it's only tempoarary. There's a future. There's more to life than just this microcosm within this tiny city of Los Al. There aren't all these sheltered, spoiled preps and pathetic losers...there's more. Sooner or later life will totally take a turn and change. Things will change. I need to just stand up for myself and make it better. I was dealt this twisted development of my relationships but it's ok. Life is what we make of it. I've been giving in so badly. I've been letting things affect me. NO. Big picture: I'm going to go to college, excel at classes, graduate, get a job I hopefully LOVE, and fall in love and marry and then have sex and make babies (bluntly, but yes).
I may not have good parents but I have an awesome piano teacher who has been through a genocide, assault, close friends massacred, and I was there when she lost her mom.
Thank you world, thank you friends, I send my love, always <3.