why wont you tell me thats it almost over?
so im working today from 8-10.
I never work tuesdays but I picked up a small shift. I figured, why not.
So thanksgiving was ok. it was soooo nice to be home. Like, just being someplace that you are comfortable in is really nice. I saw some friends which made me happy. I wish I could have seen more friends but oh well.
I'll be back come december 20th at the latest. and I'll be back for good.
I don't know if im making a huge mistake or not. I guess we will see with time.
when i get to umaine i want to major in nursing but minor in writing. I dont want to major in writing though because what am I going to do with that??!?! writers make crap money. plus, im not that creative. I could write for a newspaper or something? I think that sounds like fun. I could be a journalist or something! When I was younger, like 15-17, I wanted to go to Ithica in New York and major in journalism. But, with time, our wants change. I still think it would be fun but I do NOT have the money for that. I wish I was richer. Our lives seem so predestined when your family is broke. We, already, are limited to what we can do. We cant go for the best, we have to settle for the things that meets the needsbut does not excel.
Lame.
i love my coffee sickly sweet. I dont have enough sugar this morning for my coffee.
gr.
well hmm. I am so tired this morning...ugh...my plan for today is work 8-10, work out til 11, take a nap, go to lunch, or go to lunch then nap, and then knit all day. yep. thats my plan.
i miss jamie a lot. I dnt know what im gonna do when Im at umaine and hes at bowdoin. i dont see him enough now as it is, and ill see him even less when hes there...and im there.....and when he does visit, all of his friends are gonna wanna see him. Ugh.
Just tell me what to do....
i wonder if therapists are covered by insurance. I think i need one...or i need some meds. I have been sooo depressed since a couple weeks into school., It's been like 2 months since I have felt happy...im constantly stuck on a cloudy day..no matter what. I mean, i can push it aside fromtime to time and have some fun, but most of the time, its there. Im only really happy when im with jamie...well it used to be that way...now whenever I see him, im soooo happy! but the whole time im with him i cant help but think about howits gonna end...i shouldnt be wasting the time i have with him to thinking about the time i wont have with him...and theres nothing that can change what im thinking. I try so hard to just live for the moment,....but i just cant. Part of the reason im going up to umaine is to be near my friends...im hoping that will ease this depression.Who knows though....
at night is when its at its worst. I can talk to jamie throughout the day and be fine..but at night i go crazy towards him. I freak out and I dont even know why. On the inside im like "what are you doing? why are you saying this? this isnt that bad!" but stuff just comes rolling out and i do feel it but i mean, i dont need to freak out like i do. but its uncontrollable...seriously. i really think i need help. How about i get sedated for the next four years....thats sounds good to me.
I just dont know what to do anymore. I have no real reasons for hating UNE so much, other than the nursing program ad how i dont like it here. I didnt mind the things we did, i just didnt like the 6:30 am classes and labs and clinicals. Sending us to clinicals before we know anything.....is stupid. and i hated that. Im not a morning person.
yummy juicy pineapples.
i love these lyrics and this song because i agree with it..like...it works for me.
Please don't mind what I'm trying to say cause I'm, I'm being honest
When I tell you that you
You're part of the reason I'm so set on the rest of my life
Being a part of you
You tell me what you think about being open,
About being honest with yourself
Cause things will never be the same.
So I guess I'll see you, see you around
I'm spinning while falling down
Now you know why I'm begging you to stay
Cause I can't stop it now
It's so amazing how
I know I cant, I could never walk away
How can we resolve this now
We let it go, and wonder how
This can ever be the same
Can never be the same
So I guess I'll see you, see you around
I'm spinning while I'm falling down
Now you know why I'm begging you, I'm begging!
Cause I can't stop it now,
It's so amazing how,
I know I cant, I could never walk away.
Please don't mind what I'm trying to say, cause I'm, I'm being honest.
I never work tuesdays but I picked up a small shift. I figured, why not.
So thanksgiving was ok. it was soooo nice to be home. Like, just being someplace that you are comfortable in is really nice. I saw some friends which made me happy. I wish I could have seen more friends but oh well.
I'll be back come december 20th at the latest. and I'll be back for good.
I don't know if im making a huge mistake or not. I guess we will see with time.
when i get to umaine i want to major in nursing but minor in writing. I dont want to major in writing though because what am I going to do with that??!?! writers make crap money. plus, im not that creative. I could write for a newspaper or something? I think that sounds like fun. I could be a journalist or something! When I was younger, like 15-17, I wanted to go to Ithica in New York and major in journalism. But, with time, our wants change. I still think it would be fun but I do NOT have the money for that. I wish I was richer. Our lives seem so predestined when your family is broke. We, already, are limited to what we can do. We cant go for the best, we have to settle for the things that meets the needsbut does not excel.
Lame.
i love my coffee sickly sweet. I dont have enough sugar this morning for my coffee.
gr.
well hmm. I am so tired this morning...ugh...my plan for today is work 8-10, work out til 11, take a nap, go to lunch, or go to lunch then nap, and then knit all day. yep. thats my plan.
i miss jamie a lot. I dnt know what im gonna do when Im at umaine and hes at bowdoin. i dont see him enough now as it is, and ill see him even less when hes there...and im there.....and when he does visit, all of his friends are gonna wanna see him. Ugh.
Just tell me what to do....
i wonder if therapists are covered by insurance. I think i need one...or i need some meds. I have been sooo depressed since a couple weeks into school., It's been like 2 months since I have felt happy...im constantly stuck on a cloudy day..no matter what. I mean, i can push it aside fromtime to time and have some fun, but most of the time, its there. Im only really happy when im with jamie...well it used to be that way...now whenever I see him, im soooo happy! but the whole time im with him i cant help but think about howits gonna end...i shouldnt be wasting the time i have with him to thinking about the time i wont have with him...and theres nothing that can change what im thinking. I try so hard to just live for the moment,....but i just cant. Part of the reason im going up to umaine is to be near my friends...im hoping that will ease this depression.Who knows though....
at night is when its at its worst. I can talk to jamie throughout the day and be fine..but at night i go crazy towards him. I freak out and I dont even know why. On the inside im like "what are you doing? why are you saying this? this isnt that bad!" but stuff just comes rolling out and i do feel it but i mean, i dont need to freak out like i do. but its uncontrollable...seriously. i really think i need help. How about i get sedated for the next four years....thats sounds good to me.
I just dont know what to do anymore. I have no real reasons for hating UNE so much, other than the nursing program ad how i dont like it here. I didnt mind the things we did, i just didnt like the 6:30 am classes and labs and clinicals. Sending us to clinicals before we know anything.....is stupid. and i hated that. Im not a morning person.
yummy juicy pineapples.
i love these lyrics and this song because i agree with it..like...it works for me.
Please don't mind what I'm trying to say cause I'm, I'm being honest
When I tell you that you
You're part of the reason I'm so set on the rest of my life
Being a part of you
You tell me what you think about being open,
About being honest with yourself
Cause things will never be the same.
So I guess I'll see you, see you around
I'm spinning while falling down
Now you know why I'm begging you to stay
Cause I can't stop it now
It's so amazing how
I know I cant, I could never walk away
How can we resolve this now
We let it go, and wonder how
This can ever be the same
Can never be the same
So I guess I'll see you, see you around
I'm spinning while I'm falling down
Now you know why I'm begging you, I'm begging!
Cause I can't stop it now,
It's so amazing how,
I know I cant, I could never walk away.
Please don't mind what I'm trying to say, cause I'm, I'm being honest.