When it means something
Title: When it means something
Pairing: HanHae
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst, romance, fluff (ending!)
Summary: It won't be the same anymore...
“Fine! Leave, for all you want! Leave me!”
Donghae shouted as he pushed the quiet man out of his apartment and slammed the door in his face. He leaned his back against the door, tears rolled down his cheeks and he wiped furiously at them. He is angry, angry at himself for not being strong enough. Angry at himself for crying when he didn’t know what else to do, and angry at himself because he knows he’ll regret sending the man he loved so much out the door.
Standing there with his fists clenched and shaking from his anger, Donghae stared at the floor as the sobs wreaked his very being. Emotions coursed through his body in a wave and he welcomed it. He shuts his eyes as the man on the other side of the door started calling his name.
“Hae…” The voice sounded raw. “Will you please listen?”
“…”
“Donghae…”
The knob started to rattle slightly as the man grabbed onto it. “Open up.”
Donghae felt the strong walls he had just built around his heart weakening, as the soft whisper drifted to his ears even through the thick door. He hates himself for being this weak.
He opened the door abruptly and glared at the face that greeted his sight.
Hangeng stepped forward, only to have Donghae retreating backwards. They continued the awkward dance until Hangeng was in the apartment and not in the open where anyone could play audience to their play. He closed the door on a soft click behind him.
“Donghae… I-I’m sorry.” Hangeng’s eyes were watery, his brows furrowed, and his face an evidence of countless sleepless nights.
Donghae felt his breathing became shallower as tears gathered once again. His vision blurred as he swallowed tightly and continued glaring at Hangeng.
“And you think that’s enough?” He was shocked to find his voice raw and husky.
Hangeng bent his head in shame. “I-I thought that was for the best.”
Flinching as Donghae sent fists beating down square in the chest, Hangeng let his boyfriend vent his emotions onto him. He knew that nothing he says now will be able to make up for the hurt he’d inflicted in him. He clenched his jaw tight at the surge of tears that threatened to spill.
“You chose to give me up because you think that was for the best?” Donghae stared at his boyfriend as tears ran down his face. “And what good do you think it’ll do me?”
Hangeng met Donghae’s gaze.
“I-I…” He sighed softly, all the while looking helplessly at the smaller man. “I just don’t want to get in your way. Look at you,” Hangeng forced a smile. “You’re so successful now. You have fans who love you, the public loves you… everyone loves you.”
Donghae blinked, his lashes heavy with previously shed tears hanging onto them.
Hangeng smiled genuinely this time. He took a hand and brushed his thumb over his boyfriend’s tear-stained cheeks. “You look so perfect up there, on the stage. So beautiful, and I know the others see it the same way as I do. I’m happy, really, I’m so happy for you.”
Donghae stopped all words that were forthcoming. His arms went around Hangeng’s waist in a tight embrace. Burying his face into the chest where his life beats the strongest, he smiled.
It took a moment before Hangeng puts his arms around Donghae, hugging back. One hand came up to hold his head in a cradle, and his thumb ran little circles at the nape of his neck. “Hae…”
Donghae pulled back a little so that he could look up at his boyfriend. Why does the warmth in those brown orbs seem to take his breath away every time he looks into them?
“Hannie-“ Donghae’s lips break into a smile. “Don’t you know that nothing means anything anymore if you’re not with me?”
That was when silence filled the air. Both men said nothing, just looked at each other. Donghae moved first. Gaze locked with his, he held Hangeng’s hands and brought them to his lips. Unfolding them to kiss each of the delicate palms before holding his hands to his chest, “Here, is where it means something only when you’re with me.”
Hangeng felt himself choke on the emotion that burned in his throat. “I’m so sorry, Donghae.”
Shaking his head in reply, Donghae smiled his usual bright smile, one that was for Hangeng and only for him. “I understand, but make sure you never say you want a break with me ever again.”
Hangeng pulled his boyfriend into his arms and turned his face into his neck. He kissed him there before feeling a smile against his chest where Donghae nuzzled his face. Hangeng is truly happy now.
“Hae?”
“Hm?”
“Can I have your autograph?”
“Oh, so now you wanna play fanboy with me?”
“I was just thinking of selling them to the female colleagues in my office. Oh, do you mind adding little hearts at the bottom too? That will make them crazy.”
“Hannie!”
END--