Fic, yeah!
Title: Conflicted
Words: 1785
Rating: G
Summary: If anyone should be confused about an 18th birthday, it should Hope, not Lightning. It wasn't her birthday, after all.
Author's notes: First, I have to be honest why I wrote this. I used to have a French tutor (he was mentioned in my journal once before) and a few weeks ago, I found out that he was 17 (I'm 19). I was so disturbed that I had a crush on someone underage and who was the same age as my brother, I tried to not like him. However, today is his 18th birthday and I wrote this at two in the morning because my brain wouldn't let me sleep otherwise. Also, spoilers, kind of, if you haven't finished the game. Don't feel bad, because I haven't either. I just read a buttload of spoilers.
Lightning felt conflicted. Surprised, she never pegged herself as the conflicted, undecided nor wishy-washy types. Lightning either picked a side or backed out entirely. Her choices were always so clean- cut. If she had an opinion, you’d hear it. But why now? What was there to feel conflicted about?
In two weeks, Hope would be eighteen as Sazh dutifully reminded her. They would be throwing him a party- the whole works. Not only that, but it was going to be at Lightning’s. Again, she felt conflicted.
Since their adventure finished, Lightning and Sazh had volunteered to train Hope, who wanted to become stronger. Every weekend, Hope would take the train from Felix Heights to Bodhum and spend ungodly hours running, lifting, carrying and pushing heavy things and waking up at the crack of dawn. Last weekend, Hope asked for the weekend of his birthday off during his break but Lightning said no and then demanded Hope to run the along the beach. Not approving of Lightning’s personal brand of sadism, Sazh reminded her of Hope’s eighteenth birthday and the usual generosities that came along with it.
Not that she needed to be reminded. What came with an eighteenth birthday, Lightning asked herself that night as she watched Sazh and Hope cleaned guns- graduation from high school. Once you’ve graduated from high school, the corps becomes a viable option.
From that moment on, the conflicted feelings began to fester deep within. Not only would Hope be an adult, he could go to university, join the corps, get a job- he could do anything. And that, that scared Lightning.
But from her perch (the kitchen window) she could see Hope. He was taller than she was now and rivaling Sazh. His fighting skills improved dramatically since he couldn’t use L’Cie magic. Hope could even shoot a gun and hit targets dead- centre. He was almost eighteen- he could do anything he wanted. When Lightning was eighteen, she joined the corps and changed her name- all for Serah. She abandoned university, her friends and even her birth name for her.
It scared her that no one would do the same for her.
Lightning drove these thoughts away by leaning out of the window and shouting that there ought to be less talking and more bodily harm.
*
However, no matter how Lightning felt, the party needed to be planned. Once Hope left Sunday evening, Monday morning she, Sazh, Serah and Snow came over. After much unneeded and dull chit- chat, it was decided that Serah was in charge of the baking of the cake, Sazh of the meal and Snow, the decorating. Lightning’s job, since she was no good at baking nor any better than Snow at decorating, was to distract Hope the day of until the house was ready, then bring him in for the party. Initially, she disagreed, citing that Sazh would be more appropriate for the job but no one listened. Lightning was both uncomfortable (how could she distract him? The train ride wasn’t that long and the walk from the station to her home was shorter) and pleased (very rarely has she had gotten more than five minutes of alone time with Hope).
The weekend before Hope’s birthday, Lightning stood next to him on the beach. The sun was setting- she liked how he never got sick of the sunsets or rises. Every time, he was in awe of them.
“What are your plans after high school?”
“I haven’t decided,”
“You don’t have much time,”
“I know,”
“ . . . ”
“What would you do, Light? If you were me?”
“I would continue my training,”
“You mean, like, join the army?”
“Yeah, and that’s what I did,”
It was, of course, the logical thing to say. With the army, he would get stronger, learn from different people and- and Lightning hated the idea. She had pushed everyone away with the ‘right’ choice. Any by everyone, she meant Serah. All those years ago, she hated herself for it. She even tried pushing Hope away, but he wouldn’t leave. Now, Lightning glanced at Hope, his fingers were laced together as he stared at the horizon, she was trying to push him away again. This time, he wouldn’t even notice. Lightning turned around, wanting to head back to her house for some tea. She didn’t want him to go off and join the corps but Hope would learn more there than he ever would with her here.
*
Sunday evening, just as supper was finishing and Hope was about to leave, he asked again.
“Light, can I please have next weekend off?” he was bowing.
Lightning glanced at Sazh. “No can do, kid,” Sazh replied. “We’re gonna cover something new next week,”
“Like, what?”
Sazh cleared his throat. “Uh-”
“I’m lending you my gunblade,” Lightning said suddenly.
He lit up. “Really?!”
She nodded, smiling. “If you work hard enough in the corps, you’ll get your very own,”
Hope’s smile faded. “That sounds . . .great. Thank you,”
After Hope left, Sazh helped with the dishes. He always helped right before heading off to the babysitter’s for Dajh.
“Lightning, I don’t think Hope wants his own gunblade,” he said, drying his hands.
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t think he wants to joint he corps either,”
She raised an eyebrow. “Of course he does. It’s in his best interest,”
“But what’s in yours?” He asked, smirking. Lightning noticed that the old man looked pleased with himself. “Or, both of yours?”
Lightning brushed off his comments until Sazh actually left. All alone in her house, Lightning realized that she didn’t want Hope to join the corps, or go to university or get a job. She didn’t want any of it to change. She wanted him here, with her. It was almost sad, she thought to herself.
*
The rest of the week went by quickly, much to Lightning’s chagrin. Although no longer conflicted, she was, now, just unsure how to tell Hope that he could continue to train with her. It sounded easy enough but it didn’t seem right. None of the words she wanted to say were enough or even conveying the right message. By nine AM sharp on Friday morning, her house was unnecessarily noisy and full. Serah and Sazh were cooking, or reading over recipes. Dajh was helping Snow (who was the source of most of the noise) with the crepe paper and helium balloons. Lightning was almost happy that time flew by quickly and that at twelve thirty, she figured that Hope would be leaving Felix Heights and be in Bodhum in a half-hour. She wanted an excuse to leave the house for some quiet, so she left for the station early. The plan was that when everyone was ready, they would call her. Lightning prayed that they would be quick.
Hope arrived, as he did every Friday, at one o’clock. With no calls yet from the gang, Lightning gave Hope the task of holding the grocery bags as she went to the nearest mart for some items. This plan worked until ten past two, when they finished. Still no calls. Lightning remained cool and calm, but Hope seemed suspicious. Again, it was his birthday and shopping for cleaning supplies and fruits was pretty suspicious.
To pass the time, Lightning headed for the nearest ice cream parlor. “A gift,” she replied with Hope tried to pay for his sundae.
They ate their ice cream in relative quietness, except for some small talk about which weapon would be most appropriate for training. Lightning did most of the listening- mostly because she was still preoccupied.
“I don’t want to join the corps,” Hope said suddenly.
Her heart skipped a beat- she was so thankful that she almost didn’t hear what he said after.
“-And I don’t want to leave Bodhum,” he added.
“You- you have to do something,” she replied, staring at her ice cream.
“I know,” He turned to her, lowering his bowl. “That’s why I’ve been thinking, I want to train full- time. With you,”
Hope stared at her- without blinking or even looking embarrassed. Trying to hide how flustered she felt, she nodded. She was so tempted to say no, to tell him how stupid he was- she could get him in, no problem! He was throwing away a military career! A chance to learn from people who were stronger than her!
But she didn’t. Instead, she flicked his forehead with her index finger. “Is that what you really want?”
“Of course!”
“Then, you’ll have to move here,”
“I don’t mind!”
“It’ll be a lot harder than what I’ve been letting you do now,”
“That’s okay!” Hope replied, smiling like an idiot. “I really want to do this!”
Lightning smiled, too. It was infectious. “I have an extra bedroom,”
“Really, Light?”
“Yes,”
“When can I move in?”
“After you finish high school,”
Once they exhausted the topic, Lightning grew worried- it was nearly three o’clock and not one ring from the communicator. Hope was becoming impatient. Caving in, they began walking to her house. It was a good twenty-minute walk from the ice cream parlor. But once they were in front of the house, Lightning stopped. Almost three- thirty . . . and they weren’t ready yet? She searched the windows for clues but the curtains were drawn.
“What’s going on?” Hope asked.
“Nothing,”
“Then why are we standing here?”
“Training,” she replied, for lack of a real answer.
“This is stalling,”
Lightning faced Hope. She was relieved that he wasn’t leaving, but the complete opposite- moving in. He caught her eye. “But before we go in,” he began. “There’s something else I want to talk to you about,”
“We can talk about moving later,” she said, exasperated, glancing at the windows one last time.
“It’s not that,” Suddenly Hope grabbed her hands. Lightning looked away from the windows. “I want to thank you . . . for everything,”
“You’re welcomed,” she replied, confused. She was thankful for this distraction.
“Light,” he said, holding her hands slightly tighter. Hope was a head taller than her now, so she wasn’t sure why he felt the need to lean in to speak to-
Hope pressed his lips against hers softly as his hands trailed upwards to her elbows. Pleasantly surprised, she grabbed the front of his shirt. And just as their kiss deepened ever so slightly, the communicator rang, jerking them apart.
“Shouldn’t you get that?”
Lighting shook her head. “It can wait,”
She pulled Hope closer by his shirt, initiating the kiss. No more doubts. No more conflicts. Lightning always picked a side.
Words: 1785
Rating: G
Summary: If anyone should be confused about an 18th birthday, it should Hope, not Lightning. It wasn't her birthday, after all.
Author's notes: First, I have to be honest why I wrote this. I used to have a French tutor (he was mentioned in my journal once before) and a few weeks ago, I found out that he was 17 (I'm 19). I was so disturbed that I had a crush on someone underage and who was the same age as my brother, I tried to not like him. However, today is his 18th birthday and I wrote this at two in the morning because my brain wouldn't let me sleep otherwise. Also, spoilers, kind of, if you haven't finished the game. Don't feel bad, because I haven't either. I just read a buttload of spoilers.
Lightning felt conflicted. Surprised, she never pegged herself as the conflicted, undecided nor wishy-washy types. Lightning either picked a side or backed out entirely. Her choices were always so clean- cut. If she had an opinion, you’d hear it. But why now? What was there to feel conflicted about?
In two weeks, Hope would be eighteen as Sazh dutifully reminded her. They would be throwing him a party- the whole works. Not only that, but it was going to be at Lightning’s. Again, she felt conflicted.
Since their adventure finished, Lightning and Sazh had volunteered to train Hope, who wanted to become stronger. Every weekend, Hope would take the train from Felix Heights to Bodhum and spend ungodly hours running, lifting, carrying and pushing heavy things and waking up at the crack of dawn. Last weekend, Hope asked for the weekend of his birthday off during his break but Lightning said no and then demanded Hope to run the along the beach. Not approving of Lightning’s personal brand of sadism, Sazh reminded her of Hope’s eighteenth birthday and the usual generosities that came along with it.
Not that she needed to be reminded. What came with an eighteenth birthday, Lightning asked herself that night as she watched Sazh and Hope cleaned guns- graduation from high school. Once you’ve graduated from high school, the corps becomes a viable option.
From that moment on, the conflicted feelings began to fester deep within. Not only would Hope be an adult, he could go to university, join the corps, get a job- he could do anything. And that, that scared Lightning.
But from her perch (the kitchen window) she could see Hope. He was taller than she was now and rivaling Sazh. His fighting skills improved dramatically since he couldn’t use L’Cie magic. Hope could even shoot a gun and hit targets dead- centre. He was almost eighteen- he could do anything he wanted. When Lightning was eighteen, she joined the corps and changed her name- all for Serah. She abandoned university, her friends and even her birth name for her.
It scared her that no one would do the same for her.
Lightning drove these thoughts away by leaning out of the window and shouting that there ought to be less talking and more bodily harm.
*
However, no matter how Lightning felt, the party needed to be planned. Once Hope left Sunday evening, Monday morning she, Sazh, Serah and Snow came over. After much unneeded and dull chit- chat, it was decided that Serah was in charge of the baking of the cake, Sazh of the meal and Snow, the decorating. Lightning’s job, since she was no good at baking nor any better than Snow at decorating, was to distract Hope the day of until the house was ready, then bring him in for the party. Initially, she disagreed, citing that Sazh would be more appropriate for the job but no one listened. Lightning was both uncomfortable (how could she distract him? The train ride wasn’t that long and the walk from the station to her home was shorter) and pleased (very rarely has she had gotten more than five minutes of alone time with Hope).
The weekend before Hope’s birthday, Lightning stood next to him on the beach. The sun was setting- she liked how he never got sick of the sunsets or rises. Every time, he was in awe of them.
“What are your plans after high school?”
“I haven’t decided,”
“You don’t have much time,”
“I know,”
“ . . . ”
“What would you do, Light? If you were me?”
“I would continue my training,”
“You mean, like, join the army?”
“Yeah, and that’s what I did,”
It was, of course, the logical thing to say. With the army, he would get stronger, learn from different people and- and Lightning hated the idea. She had pushed everyone away with the ‘right’ choice. Any by everyone, she meant Serah. All those years ago, she hated herself for it. She even tried pushing Hope away, but he wouldn’t leave. Now, Lightning glanced at Hope, his fingers were laced together as he stared at the horizon, she was trying to push him away again. This time, he wouldn’t even notice. Lightning turned around, wanting to head back to her house for some tea. She didn’t want him to go off and join the corps but Hope would learn more there than he ever would with her here.
*
Sunday evening, just as supper was finishing and Hope was about to leave, he asked again.
“Light, can I please have next weekend off?” he was bowing.
Lightning glanced at Sazh. “No can do, kid,” Sazh replied. “We’re gonna cover something new next week,”
“Like, what?”
Sazh cleared his throat. “Uh-”
“I’m lending you my gunblade,” Lightning said suddenly.
He lit up. “Really?!”
She nodded, smiling. “If you work hard enough in the corps, you’ll get your very own,”
Hope’s smile faded. “That sounds . . .great. Thank you,”
After Hope left, Sazh helped with the dishes. He always helped right before heading off to the babysitter’s for Dajh.
“Lightning, I don’t think Hope wants his own gunblade,” he said, drying his hands.
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t think he wants to joint he corps either,”
She raised an eyebrow. “Of course he does. It’s in his best interest,”
“But what’s in yours?” He asked, smirking. Lightning noticed that the old man looked pleased with himself. “Or, both of yours?”
Lightning brushed off his comments until Sazh actually left. All alone in her house, Lightning realized that she didn’t want Hope to join the corps, or go to university or get a job. She didn’t want any of it to change. She wanted him here, with her. It was almost sad, she thought to herself.
*
The rest of the week went by quickly, much to Lightning’s chagrin. Although no longer conflicted, she was, now, just unsure how to tell Hope that he could continue to train with her. It sounded easy enough but it didn’t seem right. None of the words she wanted to say were enough or even conveying the right message. By nine AM sharp on Friday morning, her house was unnecessarily noisy and full. Serah and Sazh were cooking, or reading over recipes. Dajh was helping Snow (who was the source of most of the noise) with the crepe paper and helium balloons. Lightning was almost happy that time flew by quickly and that at twelve thirty, she figured that Hope would be leaving Felix Heights and be in Bodhum in a half-hour. She wanted an excuse to leave the house for some quiet, so she left for the station early. The plan was that when everyone was ready, they would call her. Lightning prayed that they would be quick.
Hope arrived, as he did every Friday, at one o’clock. With no calls yet from the gang, Lightning gave Hope the task of holding the grocery bags as she went to the nearest mart for some items. This plan worked until ten past two, when they finished. Still no calls. Lightning remained cool and calm, but Hope seemed suspicious. Again, it was his birthday and shopping for cleaning supplies and fruits was pretty suspicious.
To pass the time, Lightning headed for the nearest ice cream parlor. “A gift,” she replied with Hope tried to pay for his sundae.
They ate their ice cream in relative quietness, except for some small talk about which weapon would be most appropriate for training. Lightning did most of the listening- mostly because she was still preoccupied.
“I don’t want to join the corps,” Hope said suddenly.
Her heart skipped a beat- she was so thankful that she almost didn’t hear what he said after.
“-And I don’t want to leave Bodhum,” he added.
“You- you have to do something,” she replied, staring at her ice cream.
“I know,” He turned to her, lowering his bowl. “That’s why I’ve been thinking, I want to train full- time. With you,”
Hope stared at her- without blinking or even looking embarrassed. Trying to hide how flustered she felt, she nodded. She was so tempted to say no, to tell him how stupid he was- she could get him in, no problem! He was throwing away a military career! A chance to learn from people who were stronger than her!
But she didn’t. Instead, she flicked his forehead with her index finger. “Is that what you really want?”
“Of course!”
“Then, you’ll have to move here,”
“I don’t mind!”
“It’ll be a lot harder than what I’ve been letting you do now,”
“That’s okay!” Hope replied, smiling like an idiot. “I really want to do this!”
Lightning smiled, too. It was infectious. “I have an extra bedroom,”
“Really, Light?”
“Yes,”
“When can I move in?”
“After you finish high school,”
Once they exhausted the topic, Lightning grew worried- it was nearly three o’clock and not one ring from the communicator. Hope was becoming impatient. Caving in, they began walking to her house. It was a good twenty-minute walk from the ice cream parlor. But once they were in front of the house, Lightning stopped. Almost three- thirty . . . and they weren’t ready yet? She searched the windows for clues but the curtains were drawn.
“What’s going on?” Hope asked.
“Nothing,”
“Then why are we standing here?”
“Training,” she replied, for lack of a real answer.
“This is stalling,”
Lightning faced Hope. She was relieved that he wasn’t leaving, but the complete opposite- moving in. He caught her eye. “But before we go in,” he began. “There’s something else I want to talk to you about,”
“We can talk about moving later,” she said, exasperated, glancing at the windows one last time.
“It’s not that,” Suddenly Hope grabbed her hands. Lightning looked away from the windows. “I want to thank you . . . for everything,”
“You’re welcomed,” she replied, confused. She was thankful for this distraction.
“Light,” he said, holding her hands slightly tighter. Hope was a head taller than her now, so she wasn’t sure why he felt the need to lean in to speak to-
Hope pressed his lips against hers softly as his hands trailed upwards to her elbows. Pleasantly surprised, she grabbed the front of his shirt. And just as their kiss deepened ever so slightly, the communicator rang, jerking them apart.
“Shouldn’t you get that?”
Lighting shook her head. “It can wait,”
She pulled Hope closer by his shirt, initiating the kiss. No more doubts. No more conflicts. Lightning always picked a side.