(no subject)
I know you come back here, and I know it gives you some sort of gratification to lurk out my life.
I'm okay with that, because let's face it, maybe we are both in the same boat, and maybe we both heal the same way.
One can take a lot from a really shitty year(or in my case, a really shitty few years).
But I think what I will take with me the most from 2006 was what I learned about myself.
I don't need to fit in with any of you. I don't need for anyone to give me big ups on scene points, I don't need your acceptance, and I sure as fuck don't need your attention hungry company.
I've learned to be my own person.
For so many years I tried to mold myself to be what everyone wanted. I was searching so god damn hard for acceptance in others, that I found it within myself.
I don't care what anyone thinks of the decisions I make, how I look, or how I choose to lead my life.
Unless those things directly affect you, in your daily life, than it is none of your fucking concern.
I've learned that I have true, heartfelt, valued friendship in very few people.
But these few people, are the most loving, caring, amazing people I have ever met in my life.
They know who they are, and they know how I feel about them, because I let them know.
This is the difference between me, and the new crowd, and me and the old crowd.
The old crowd found any way possible to take advantage of situations, hell they found ways to take advantage of my life in all aspects.
These last few months have taught me so much about value, about heart, about what it really means to love.
People are going to wonder why they stop hearing from me this year, and it's pretty simple, it's because I know longer need people using me.
I don't need the battles for friendships anymore.
There is not much in life that I find worth fighting for anymore.
I think the biggest thing I will be taking from this year, came to me on new years eve, while amongst a group of people who will always treat me like an aquaintance, that there are certain people in your life that will always be out to get something from you.
That life to them will always be a take/take situation.
That unless you stand up for yourself, you will always be living in someone elses shadow.
That no matter how hard I try, and no matter how far I have come, losing our child will always be a piece of me. That not all obstacles are overcome.
That there are some things in life, that you will never get over.
It's the learning to accept that that helps you start living again.
I'm okay with that, because let's face it, maybe we are both in the same boat, and maybe we both heal the same way.
One can take a lot from a really shitty year(or in my case, a really shitty few years).
But I think what I will take with me the most from 2006 was what I learned about myself.
I don't need to fit in with any of you. I don't need for anyone to give me big ups on scene points, I don't need your acceptance, and I sure as fuck don't need your attention hungry company.
I've learned to be my own person.
For so many years I tried to mold myself to be what everyone wanted. I was searching so god damn hard for acceptance in others, that I found it within myself.
I don't care what anyone thinks of the decisions I make, how I look, or how I choose to lead my life.
Unless those things directly affect you, in your daily life, than it is none of your fucking concern.
I've learned that I have true, heartfelt, valued friendship in very few people.
But these few people, are the most loving, caring, amazing people I have ever met in my life.
They know who they are, and they know how I feel about them, because I let them know.
This is the difference between me, and the new crowd, and me and the old crowd.
The old crowd found any way possible to take advantage of situations, hell they found ways to take advantage of my life in all aspects.
These last few months have taught me so much about value, about heart, about what it really means to love.
People are going to wonder why they stop hearing from me this year, and it's pretty simple, it's because I know longer need people using me.
I don't need the battles for friendships anymore.
There is not much in life that I find worth fighting for anymore.
I think the biggest thing I will be taking from this year, came to me on new years eve, while amongst a group of people who will always treat me like an aquaintance, that there are certain people in your life that will always be out to get something from you.
That life to them will always be a take/take situation.
That unless you stand up for yourself, you will always be living in someone elses shadow.
That no matter how hard I try, and no matter how far I have come, losing our child will always be a piece of me. That not all obstacles are overcome.
That there are some things in life, that you will never get over.
It's the learning to accept that that helps you start living again.