I want to sleep!!!!!!!!!!!
I wish I were sleeping. My alarm clock will sound in less than 3 hours....I figure with it being that late, I might as well stay up or else when I do drift asleep...I won't wake up. I absolutely hate bedtime. I usually try to not take naps in the afternoon so that most the time I go to bed I can go to sleep and not have to worry about this. And sometimes I just try to keep Ricky up and talk nonsense to him so that he'll keep me company until I fall asleep. When I can't go to sleep, like now, I just think. It used to be just thinking about dumb stuff...but the last few months has been nothing but daddy. When the lights go out and I am all alone with my thoughts...I just see him. Every memory and every little thing I can remember, which is a whole lot. All of this remembering and thinking inevitably all ends up with me thinking of him before he died which makes me end up crying myself to sleep.
When it gets to those last crucial weeks...I'm done. All I can see is him laying in that hospital bed...comatose. It all happened so fast. Too fast. He literally was talking one day and the next....his mind was gone. I wish I knew that the last time I told him that I loved him would be the last. Or that it would be the last time he understood me, period. That the last hug was indeed the last. I need to get more pictures scanned so I can post one on my myspace. I have one on there now but it's just a lil one.
Lord, I have an interview at Riverside tomorrow for a new position. Reconsideration Analyst. It would be a promotion and I do have all of the qualifications for it and more...but I don't know about the commute and not knowing anyone at that campus. The hours are 6:30am-3:00 with flexibility which is good since I've had that so long I wouldnt be able to function without it. I'm gonna look like I haven't slept in days....nice. I think I will take off from work afterwards and come home and study and nap before going out with Ricky's parents for his birthday. He turned 27 today...er yesterday, Nov. 6th. Today is my brother's birthday...he's 31..olddddd. And my nephew will be 8 years old on Friday. Seriously, people.....stop having babies in November.
When it gets to those last crucial weeks...I'm done. All I can see is him laying in that hospital bed...comatose. It all happened so fast. Too fast. He literally was talking one day and the next....his mind was gone. I wish I knew that the last time I told him that I loved him would be the last. Or that it would be the last time he understood me, period. That the last hug was indeed the last. I need to get more pictures scanned so I can post one on my myspace. I have one on there now but it's just a lil one.
Lord, I have an interview at Riverside tomorrow for a new position. Reconsideration Analyst. It would be a promotion and I do have all of the qualifications for it and more...but I don't know about the commute and not knowing anyone at that campus. The hours are 6:30am-3:00 with flexibility which is good since I've had that so long I wouldnt be able to function without it. I'm gonna look like I haven't slept in days....nice. I think I will take off from work afterwards and come home and study and nap before going out with Ricky's parents for his birthday. He turned 27 today...er yesterday, Nov. 6th. Today is my brother's birthday...he's 31..olddddd. And my nephew will be 8 years old on Friday. Seriously, people.....stop having babies in November.