_i feel empty, but happy, but unhappy to be empty_

[sumerxnights]

Today was... interesting. Things just don't feel right anymore. I decided I was going to brighten my day by skipping spanish and enjoying 4th period lunch with Karen and Alyssa. Plus I would get to be around Ryan, who didn't want to acknowledge my existence. I'm sure he would have if I had conjured up enough balls to speak to him for the first time since we broke up. Well anywho, the lady who watches the door to the lunchroom was like "why are you in this lunch?" and I told her I was in the play and that it was the only time I could eat lunch. She believed me and she went off on her way. I was like sweet, I'm finally getting away with something stupid and fun! Oh silly Tina, you should know better! Mr. Moriarty (Deputy Douchebag) was standing over the table just watching. The enitre awkward 7 feet of him, just standing there. I didn't acknowledge him and just kept talking to Alyssa. He asked me why I was there and I gave him my line that I'm very well known for..."I don't know." He took me to the office and gave me away to Mr. Clark, who wasn't pissed off at all and seemed to find it a bit humorous. I have two days of detention though. Tomorrow and Thursday. Of coarse on my way out of the office I said my thank yous to the man for giving me such a wonderful burden on my shoulders to bring home to my mother. I was quite surprised at the fact that she didn't mind at all and thought it was rather funny. "You skipped Spanish? That's one of your best subjects, at least skip a class you're failing!" I'm not introuble at home and that's all that matters. At the end of the day I decided I would talk to Ryan. It's killing me not to talk to him. It's not just about losing a boyfriend, we were friends before we started going out, so I lost that too. I asked him if he was ever going to talk to me again and he said yes. I asked him when and he said he will talk to me now. We talked about my detention. Yes, I still like him because I'm an idiot. I guess if he were to make up his mind about us and wanted to go back out sometime soon, I'd be there. Foxy said I'm whipped!! Noooo! I can't believe this, I am! I'm flirting with Scott a lot but right now I want Ryan. Before it was the other way around and then Ryan got me over Scott, and when you get me over Scott, oh man! It's not like I'm being stupid over a complete asshole though, Ryan is not an asshole. He's a great guy, a great, confused, and sad guy. I cared about him when we were friends and I cared about him when we were together. Damn it, I'm.... CARING! I'll be around whenever he decides he's ready to be my friend again. Something else that's bothering me is my dad. I always miss him but when something happens, the feelings of him not being around always come back to me. I don't know how I feel, but I hope I'm happy again soon. I love everyone!

"Jesus loves you but I think you're a cunt."-Megan

Much love.

<3 Tina