So I'm in hell..where have you been?
"These nights sketched across the back of my head. Badley drawn and concept blurry. A battle between the physical and the mind. A butterfly inside this corpse survived, the night from eating away at my stomach. A dozen scars laid across these lungs from punctured marks, when I lost my breathe through bullet holes. A barrel and a trigger from your looks and presence.
If I could change myself and burry the old. I'd be the first to slit these wrists, so with you I could hold. If theres a devil inside me controlling these senses. May I break this window and collapse these on picket fences. Cant see your shadow without mine close behind. But who the fucks care, im obviously blind."
Ok ummm...im not in the greatest mood today. Actually I feel dead. Today was one hell of a tough day. And I can only imagine it to get worse. Last night was nothing like I painted it out to be. I wanted a night to be alone with Shara. Then the computer broke at the radio station so i was busy. And people kept coming in. Then when midnight passed we were all alone. I knew I wanted to be home by one. So I refrained from holding her cause I knew I'd be there till 5 am holding her. I wouldnt be able to leave. Then we did hold for a second before we left our seperate ways. I felt bad for dragging her out that night for nothing really. And felt even badder that after she left the nervous wreck in my stomach collapsed. I dont know why my stomach feels like its turning inside out whenever im with her. But it does...and because of that. Is why I think she's gave up on me. I dont want to go into details...but when she messages me that night and we talked a bit more. My life turned upside down and i was in fact scared for my life. And today as my mind is in constant turmoil. Constant thought...how can i make this right? How can I change? What can I do? And I figured...its too late now. I've passed my time.
Today for the first time in I think 10 years. I showed actual emotion. I cried...I wept. I was on my lunch break in the iceburg drive-thru. I read over the messages from the night before shara left me. And my eyes started to burn, my lip trembled and i cried. Not for ten years have I even shed a tear or showed any real emotion. But today I felt so lost. One the way back to work...i contimplated just speeding into oncoming traffic. I really couldnt think of any reason for me to be happy or even alive. That died down a bit. I still feel worthless and without hope. I dont know...i cant eat, and i know I wont sleep tonight.
Anywho...ummm...dont wanna sadden everyone else, and make them feel sorry for me. So dont...no comments...i dont want to hear it.
If I could change myself and burry the old. I'd be the first to slit these wrists, so with you I could hold. If theres a devil inside me controlling these senses. May I break this window and collapse these on picket fences. Cant see your shadow without mine close behind. But who the fucks care, im obviously blind."
Ok ummm...im not in the greatest mood today. Actually I feel dead. Today was one hell of a tough day. And I can only imagine it to get worse. Last night was nothing like I painted it out to be. I wanted a night to be alone with Shara. Then the computer broke at the radio station so i was busy. And people kept coming in. Then when midnight passed we were all alone. I knew I wanted to be home by one. So I refrained from holding her cause I knew I'd be there till 5 am holding her. I wouldnt be able to leave. Then we did hold for a second before we left our seperate ways. I felt bad for dragging her out that night for nothing really. And felt even badder that after she left the nervous wreck in my stomach collapsed. I dont know why my stomach feels like its turning inside out whenever im with her. But it does...and because of that. Is why I think she's gave up on me. I dont want to go into details...but when she messages me that night and we talked a bit more. My life turned upside down and i was in fact scared for my life. And today as my mind is in constant turmoil. Constant thought...how can i make this right? How can I change? What can I do? And I figured...its too late now. I've passed my time.
Today for the first time in I think 10 years. I showed actual emotion. I cried...I wept. I was on my lunch break in the iceburg drive-thru. I read over the messages from the night before shara left me. And my eyes started to burn, my lip trembled and i cried. Not for ten years have I even shed a tear or showed any real emotion. But today I felt so lost. One the way back to work...i contimplated just speeding into oncoming traffic. I really couldnt think of any reason for me to be happy or even alive. That died down a bit. I still feel worthless and without hope. I dont know...i cant eat, and i know I wont sleep tonight.
Anywho...ummm...dont wanna sadden everyone else, and make them feel sorry for me. So dont...no comments...i dont want to hear it.