(no subject)
So this week has been pretty crazy. I worked like 35 hours this week, and had all that graduation bullshit to go to. Today was the longest day ever at work, and its friday night and im sittin at home. The highlight of my night was learning how to drive a stick shift. I feel like such a fuckin loser. Its like, i want to go out all the time like i used to, i want to have fun, i wanna party.... But my body wont let me. I want a lot of things, but you can't always get what you want... and thats the shittiest thing ever.
Lately I have just felt like i can't even think anymore... It's like i have so much feelings and emotions inside of me and i just cant seem to get them out. My anger, my happiness, my sadness, my love, my hatred, everything is trapped. I dont know what to do or what to say about anything.
I have avoided a lot of emotions this year, and i think its all coming together now.
Since i have been with jerome, i have sorta pushed aside friends that i care about. And if thats you, im sorry. I dont want to be selfish... i really dont. I'm sorry for pushing others aside to make myself happy... and i do aknowledge the people who have been there when i needed someone. It's not good to feel like you have no friends.
But then again, my "friends" shouldnt turn their back on me, just because of him. I dont know. Its like i want to say so much but i just dont know. I want my friends back... but i feel like such an ass that i dont even know what to say to them. Confusion has officially taken over me.
Graduation has made me feel like i have just been released from 7 years of prison, because it made me hate life EVERYDAY that i had to go there. A lot of people hate that school, but when i say it, its sad that i REALLY mean it. I had the worst senior year imaginable... and i dont think i would of been able to make it if it wasnt for jerome, because he was the only person who cared... so thank you.
And thank you to all the people who have shared memories with me over the years. I will never forget any of those times... or any of you.
I might go to Busch Gardens 2morrow and ride that new ride... hopefully i dont die of a heartattack.--random thoughts--
Anyhow, i guess what i'm trying to say is that i am still the same person, and im always going to be... just remember that.