ill give up the fight
I'm going about my life without worrying to much about the person i'd like to be with. As it appears sometimes, I'm upset. and that is true. Very true, I get upset over him. And you know thats human nature. So my heart was set and then the setting reversed and I have a difficult time being around that person and being normal and happy around him. It does not work like that with me. There is history. when there is history theres no going back to just a normal freindship. We cant get to know each other because we know each other. We can start over but it feels to awkward to try that. And when we hang out its with other people so we ignore each other. No steps have been takin. He wanted to tlk to me last week, but i couldnt and it hasnt happened. so I guess he doesnt care to much. I GIVE UP THE FIGHT.
Right now. this is so emotionaly draining. and since he does not want a girlfriend there is no longer a point to us hanging out because IT KILLS ME. i cant ever just be ross's friend. It destorys. I know God is on my side but i cant always be all on a spiritual high. I feel it. I get beaten down. I am reminded of what it was. And i cant make it stop. Hope hes amused i feel like this. i hope hes happy. no games.
I know. God will provide someone for me. I will go about living my life the way id like. without going out of my way for Ross just to see him and end up feel like crap. Its pointless. i was doing awesome without talking to him at all. and thats how it needs to be if we arent going to try to take steps to have another relationship. I cant handle just waiting around. not knowing. I know though that i wont feel like this forever. And I know since Ross and I arent supose to be together that I will meet someone that wants to be with me, that i love back just as much. And you know... i will be so blinded by that love i will forget this like i have forgotten about Brian. I really want to make that decision to never look back. but i havent had the guts. because i know i cant do it. hah!
I cant wait for time to pass by and not tlk to Ross at all. because i slowly give him up. i give him up and i can finally feel... normal. like i did till he started tlking to me again. i get so excited youd think im on a high. then i get so low youd think im a drunk.
i cant wait to meet the one im supose to marry. I will know it. but i thought i knew before. i fool myself to much. see if i say i know and i believe it... haha.... fool
Right now. this is so emotionaly draining. and since he does not want a girlfriend there is no longer a point to us hanging out because IT KILLS ME. i cant ever just be ross's friend. It destorys. I know God is on my side but i cant always be all on a spiritual high. I feel it. I get beaten down. I am reminded of what it was. And i cant make it stop. Hope hes amused i feel like this. i hope hes happy. no games.
I know. God will provide someone for me. I will go about living my life the way id like. without going out of my way for Ross just to see him and end up feel like crap. Its pointless. i was doing awesome without talking to him at all. and thats how it needs to be if we arent going to try to take steps to have another relationship. I cant handle just waiting around. not knowing. I know though that i wont feel like this forever. And I know since Ross and I arent supose to be together that I will meet someone that wants to be with me, that i love back just as much. And you know... i will be so blinded by that love i will forget this like i have forgotten about Brian. I really want to make that decision to never look back. but i havent had the guts. because i know i cant do it. hah!
I cant wait for time to pass by and not tlk to Ross at all. because i slowly give him up. i give him up and i can finally feel... normal. like i did till he started tlking to me again. i get so excited youd think im on a high. then i get so low youd think im a drunk.
i cant wait to meet the one im supose to marry. I will know it. but i thought i knew before. i fool myself to much. see if i say i know and i believe it... haha.... fool