today, behind the smile, are tears.
oh yeah! lol
today was extremely boring at first, i blasted music and read old magazine articles repeatedly. then my dad gave me permission to go outside with my bro and our very old friend james mann. sure at times i hate him, but ive known him for soo long we could be siblings. 11years i think. i remember when we first moved in, i was like 4 and we sat on the curb sharing mcdonalds fries and he gave me his balloon. lol the good days... i keep having peculiar dreams, could they mean something? i was so sick today. i know i need to get my tonsels out, BUT I DONT WANNA! ive already had scalp surgery and a double hernea, i dont want anymore. my mother yelled all day as usual, and is cussing at my dad and throwing things. i dont love my mother. i just hope i can help from slipping into hate. its hollow words when i tell me mother "i love you." love within the braces of a family, what exactly is that? i forgot to replace the lysol wipes in the bathroom so i got like a half and hour screaming lecture and a punishment. the difference is my dad punishes me because he loves me. when it was over i just went to my room, blared music, and cryed against the wall, sliding to the floor in tears. my usual ritual. anger isnt me, i just dont get angry, i cant. then i might turn out like my mom. i can never get angry. my eyes are grey again today, they turn grey on days like this. *cries*
please comment,i need some help
heres something good, happy and fun *sniff*sniff* :
01. Reply with your name and I will write something about you.
02. I will then tell what song/movie remind me of you.
03. If I were to apply an o'clock to you, it would be...
04. I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
05. I'll tell you the most memorable moment I've had with you
06. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.
07. I'll then tell you something that I've always wondered about you
08. Put this in your journal.