hmm...
ok so this weekend was good. i got to hang with my baby every single night and day. it was fun. but last night was kinda... different...
we watched How To Deal, and wow, that movie basically sums up the group in sd as far as ash, andy, darrick,josh, and i. it was trippy. it made me start really missing my old life. missing all the people i used to care so much about...
so of course i get really really quiet and lennon is wondering why im quiet and sad and wont let it go so he goes home and calls me and we start talking about it. to make a long story short i took something the wrong way and thought that he wanted to take a break which scared the crap out of me.
just imagining me not being with him was the scariest thought ive ever had, at that moment i felt so alone and so much hurt. and i know that he didnt mean it at all the way i took it, but it still didnt ease what i felt.
than as you all know, i start over thinking. i think maybe we do need a break, maybe its better if we dont talk for a few days, are we really ready for all this. but no matter what bad thing i could think the only thing that was clear to me was that i love him more than life itself and would never want to jepordize what we have. and we are ready for a commitment like this, becuase love is strong enough to get us thro anything.
so yah... long, exhausting, hurtful night but in the end it all worked out. we were a little (dont know a good word so...) blah this morning twards each other and i think that hurt both of us a little, but are now trying to forget this happened or at least learn from it and grow stronger. but wow was it nice to finally be able to let it go and just have him hold me and kiss me. i felt back home.
ok. that was about it. lennon is coming over in a few when he gets off work and we are hanging and watching american idol together. and im going to bake a cake! im in the mood. i really do miss all you sd people.... everyone! and i hope we can all still be friends and talk. you have no idea how much i miss that. i hope everyone is ok! i love you all!!! hugs and kisses!
with hope and love,
lauren~
p.s. i start work on thursday! i cant wait! money!!!! lol. byebye
we watched How To Deal, and wow, that movie basically sums up the group in sd as far as ash, andy, darrick,josh, and i. it was trippy. it made me start really missing my old life. missing all the people i used to care so much about...
so of course i get really really quiet and lennon is wondering why im quiet and sad and wont let it go so he goes home and calls me and we start talking about it. to make a long story short i took something the wrong way and thought that he wanted to take a break which scared the crap out of me.
just imagining me not being with him was the scariest thought ive ever had, at that moment i felt so alone and so much hurt. and i know that he didnt mean it at all the way i took it, but it still didnt ease what i felt.
than as you all know, i start over thinking. i think maybe we do need a break, maybe its better if we dont talk for a few days, are we really ready for all this. but no matter what bad thing i could think the only thing that was clear to me was that i love him more than life itself and would never want to jepordize what we have. and we are ready for a commitment like this, becuase love is strong enough to get us thro anything.
so yah... long, exhausting, hurtful night but in the end it all worked out. we were a little (dont know a good word so...) blah this morning twards each other and i think that hurt both of us a little, but are now trying to forget this happened or at least learn from it and grow stronger. but wow was it nice to finally be able to let it go and just have him hold me and kiss me. i felt back home.
ok. that was about it. lennon is coming over in a few when he gets off work and we are hanging and watching american idol together. and im going to bake a cake! im in the mood. i really do miss all you sd people.... everyone! and i hope we can all still be friends and talk. you have no idea how much i miss that. i hope everyone is ok! i love you all!!! hugs and kisses!
with hope and love,
lauren~
p.s. i start work on thursday! i cant wait! money!!!! lol. byebye