(no subject)

[sullyneesan]

you are such a false hope. i miss you.

sometimes i feel broken.
like a toy, new and exhuberant, put to much use, and then left for dust, for something new.
my body, my mind, myself.

sometimes i feel fixed.
like i have been rediscovered and needed to be put to use immediately. needed to be loved again, cherished, i bring a smile to your face and keep you from being alone.

sometimes i don't falter.
like times my young self is on top of the world and you simply don't matter to it.

sometimes i fall.
because i realize my young self doesn't work that way.

sometimes i hate you.
and i hate myself because of it.
because it's when you consume and own me
and nothing i do is worth it anymore
i cry and write and fall into a puddle
a ridiculous pool of vulnerability
because it's when i only exist because of you.

sometimes i like you.
and i grovel in the false hope of a glance
or a secret squeeze of the hand
that no one can take away from
amidst the butterflies and gleaming peeming self i couldn't contain.

but most of all, i love you.
and next to all the hate pain and dislike, that'll stay how it is.