I'm hurt and angry
This is purely a vent journal I am doing it for me and if anyone cares to comment great if not no biggie and no one can judge me on this. I stay because I want I will leave when I want to.
I am hurt that you spend time with others and never want to have time with me. I am hurt that you tell me that its because of money that we dont get together. Well fuck the reason I don't have money is because I am helping pay your bills! I have to scrounge and struggle to pay for gas to get back and forth to work because i pay some of your bills on YOUR apartment the one you tell me is not mine and kick me out whenever you want. Even though I have not been there for over 3 weeks and will help pay your bills because my word is worth it to me and you know that. You go out with Kevin and even if he is just friends as you claim you go with him because he has money and will pay your way. Do you know how much it hurts to not provide that for you? I am furious at you at me and at him ugh.....
I am so close to just giving up and walking away but I dont because I dont want to. Plain and simple that is it not anything to do with you or who you are or what you do. I just don't want to. I am not ready and you have until i am to get your shit together because it is coming soon and when I'm done I will walk away knowing that I have done everything I can or could do.
I am hurt that you spend time with others and never want to have time with me. I am hurt that you tell me that its because of money that we dont get together. Well fuck the reason I don't have money is because I am helping pay your bills! I have to scrounge and struggle to pay for gas to get back and forth to work because i pay some of your bills on YOUR apartment the one you tell me is not mine and kick me out whenever you want. Even though I have not been there for over 3 weeks and will help pay your bills because my word is worth it to me and you know that. You go out with Kevin and even if he is just friends as you claim you go with him because he has money and will pay your way. Do you know how much it hurts to not provide that for you? I am furious at you at me and at him ugh.....
I am so close to just giving up and walking away but I dont because I dont want to. Plain and simple that is it not anything to do with you or who you are or what you do. I just don't want to. I am not ready and you have until i am to get your shit together because it is coming soon and when I'm done I will walk away knowing that I have done everything I can or could do.