Miscellaneous ramblings thoughts and dreams.....
Ok here goes just gonna start and hope to make some sense of it all... or just get it out...
I am pretty sure as everyone I want world peace love and happiness but not sure at least the first is obtainable lol
I know what I want but dont know how to get there or even knowing how to get there how to get me to do the things to get there.....
I'm broke (ok beyond that) i know spending money is not an option but I continue to do it....
I emotionally cant have what I want with who i want and so I have decided to be in a lifestyle choice that gives me the more shallow connections.... I get the physical the friendship but know that I cant have the emotional the "committed" love. It works for me for now. Who knows the right situation it is a part of my "real" relationship in the future but I will let the situation dictate that. The goal happiness and comfort for all concerned not just one.
Ok I am torn on many things....
Professionally... I have no idea even now at 37 what i want to be when I grow up. I just want to be the best I can be at what I am doing right now. I have some things that I want to try but am not committed enough to really push for it. I havent found my passion career wise. I mean really what can i do to jumpstart that? I dont know
Emotionally.... Sigh... I think I have a good idea on the basic frame work of what will make me happy... Mutual respect.... both working for individual and couple goals.... OPEN AND HONEST COMMUNICATION..... I haven't always been good at doing my share of that either I will not judge anyone past or present.... There are two people in my life neither available and I will hold accountable to me for I have no claim on them and they have none on me.... but they do influence me and both mostly in good ways lol.... My biggest happiness and my biggest sorrow is that I love them both for who they are strengths and failings because it makes them who they are.... I sometimes wish I didn't have this ability to do that....
My biggest fear in all of this is that both will come to me and say that they want to move forward.... or honestly right now either one... I love them both I know they both love me.... I also know someday I will probably at least lose contact with one or both.... but I will still love them both and wish nothing but the best love and happiness to them....
I wouldnt change a thing in my past with them because all of it helped make me who I am today.... I will continue to be there for both of them as long as I am able to and hope and pray that I give them as much as they give me.... I do know the good and bad and i have tried my best to avoid not seeing that as i have in the past....
I am in many ways more at peace than I have ever been but in other ways I have never been so restless in my life and trying to find out more about me stretch my boundaries and see where I can all go.... I know I will make mistakes and even hate some of the things i go through but i will learn about me....
Midlife crisis? maybe but that would make it about my fifth one lol
To be continued......
I am pretty sure as everyone I want world peace love and happiness but not sure at least the first is obtainable lol
I know what I want but dont know how to get there or even knowing how to get there how to get me to do the things to get there.....
I'm broke (ok beyond that) i know spending money is not an option but I continue to do it....
I emotionally cant have what I want with who i want and so I have decided to be in a lifestyle choice that gives me the more shallow connections.... I get the physical the friendship but know that I cant have the emotional the "committed" love. It works for me for now. Who knows the right situation it is a part of my "real" relationship in the future but I will let the situation dictate that. The goal happiness and comfort for all concerned not just one.
Ok I am torn on many things....
Professionally... I have no idea even now at 37 what i want to be when I grow up. I just want to be the best I can be at what I am doing right now. I have some things that I want to try but am not committed enough to really push for it. I havent found my passion career wise. I mean really what can i do to jumpstart that? I dont know
Emotionally.... Sigh... I think I have a good idea on the basic frame work of what will make me happy... Mutual respect.... both working for individual and couple goals.... OPEN AND HONEST COMMUNICATION..... I haven't always been good at doing my share of that either I will not judge anyone past or present.... There are two people in my life neither available and I will hold accountable to me for I have no claim on them and they have none on me.... but they do influence me and both mostly in good ways lol.... My biggest happiness and my biggest sorrow is that I love them both for who they are strengths and failings because it makes them who they are.... I sometimes wish I didn't have this ability to do that....
My biggest fear in all of this is that both will come to me and say that they want to move forward.... or honestly right now either one... I love them both I know they both love me.... I also know someday I will probably at least lose contact with one or both.... but I will still love them both and wish nothing but the best love and happiness to them....
I wouldnt change a thing in my past with them because all of it helped make me who I am today.... I will continue to be there for both of them as long as I am able to and hope and pray that I give them as much as they give me.... I do know the good and bad and i have tried my best to avoid not seeing that as i have in the past....
I am in many ways more at peace than I have ever been but in other ways I have never been so restless in my life and trying to find out more about me stretch my boundaries and see where I can all go.... I know I will make mistakes and even hate some of the things i go through but i will learn about me....
Midlife crisis? maybe but that would make it about my fifth one lol
To be continued......