The Best of Me
Three pencils sharpened, a yellow legal pad filled with scribbles, me sitting dissatisfied with the "progress" I've made so far on the show. I definitely need to work on this thing during the daytime with some tea, instead of waiting until the later evening, when I now almost always become agonizingly depressed.
This is the second day without taking my joke dosage of my pathetic medicine that I was stupid enough to get onto in the first place, and that sensation of my brain pulsating is dizzying me. I feel like collapsing, and this is the time when every evening, some poor friend is subjected to my telling them to fuck off or get away from me.
I said I'd have this treatment done by Friday evening, and I've barely done a thing. Writing is a lot more difficult for me than recording music. My working tomorrow will shorten the amount of time I have to meet my deadline. Furthermore, I still haven't begun recording the show's opening hip-hop song. When I told my mom I was writing the treatment, she said, "Are you going to get credit for that?" My God.
I went to the county clerk's office to look into the procedural for a name change and was referred to the district court, where I was then directed to the law library to pick up the paperwork. I won't be filing until I pay off my debt, as I don't want them to think I'm evading collectors. If I'm still feeling up to it at that time, it'll take 6 weeks or so for the whole thing to pan out. What a ridiculous idea; I have to do it.
Ah, electric shocks in my fingertips. Just what the doctor ordered.
Every night I turn into such a mess of a human being. I'm at an all-time low. So sick of living this shit life. In debt, warrants out for my seizure, my body begging for pharamaceutical medicine I thought would dull my depression (and not only worsened it, but all of the pain I dulled is hitting with full force now, like emotinal debt piled up), completely isolated from anyone who might be able to understand where I am right now, yet feeling that even those who know me well -- the oldest friends -- can't even relate anymore. And even if I hadn't left home, I would be even worse off at this point. My life is such a Goddamn joke.
I don't have the energy to finish writing this. Gonna go let it get the best of me.
This is the second day without taking my joke dosage of my pathetic medicine that I was stupid enough to get onto in the first place, and that sensation of my brain pulsating is dizzying me. I feel like collapsing, and this is the time when every evening, some poor friend is subjected to my telling them to fuck off or get away from me.
I said I'd have this treatment done by Friday evening, and I've barely done a thing. Writing is a lot more difficult for me than recording music. My working tomorrow will shorten the amount of time I have to meet my deadline. Furthermore, I still haven't begun recording the show's opening hip-hop song. When I told my mom I was writing the treatment, she said, "Are you going to get credit for that?" My God.
I went to the county clerk's office to look into the procedural for a name change and was referred to the district court, where I was then directed to the law library to pick up the paperwork. I won't be filing until I pay off my debt, as I don't want them to think I'm evading collectors. If I'm still feeling up to it at that time, it'll take 6 weeks or so for the whole thing to pan out. What a ridiculous idea; I have to do it.
Ah, electric shocks in my fingertips. Just what the doctor ordered.
Every night I turn into such a mess of a human being. I'm at an all-time low. So sick of living this shit life. In debt, warrants out for my seizure, my body begging for pharamaceutical medicine I thought would dull my depression (and not only worsened it, but all of the pain I dulled is hitting with full force now, like emotinal debt piled up), completely isolated from anyone who might be able to understand where I am right now, yet feeling that even those who know me well -- the oldest friends -- can't even relate anymore. And even if I hadn't left home, I would be even worse off at this point. My life is such a Goddamn joke.
I don't have the energy to finish writing this. Gonna go let it get the best of me.