(no subject)
Well holy shiit, haven't updated in 349573 years
im too dependent on people and i constantly NEED to feel loved. I think that's why i get into these random mood swings all the time. If I'm not the one with all the attention i feel like im not worth anything, i feel unloved and not important. Its not like i put myself out to get attention, i mean id much prefer not being in the spotlight and being fine with it, but it just doesnt work that way i guess. I also feel like a total failure as a girlfriend even though im constantly told im not. I hate the way everyone is trying to influence MY own opinions of myself. Honestly, someone telling me im not fat, not ugly, not a bad girlfriend won't change how i actually feel. I'm just fucked up maybe. I'm venturing down an old familar path that I dont really want to go down again but its hard to avoid it. Oh well, maybe it'd be for the best, somehow. I haven't cut in so long, or atleast it feels that way. I'm not really proud, I dont really feel anything. It's just like ok, whatever. Speaking of cutting, it's really pissing me off how cutting has become a trend with like everyone and their fucking grandma. Cutting done with safety pins, wtf? It's all so stupid. Cutting doesn't do anything at all. Wow, did i just say that? No, I typed it. Haha, needed some humor. Lately, i've been feeling super self-concious. I feel very ugly, really fat and just blah. I find myself looking in the mirror 39743 hours a day. Am I shallow? I don't know. I just need to feel pretty, not that i ever have. I really dont think I'm beautiful, or even pretty for that matter. Pretty girls dont sit at home typing in livejournals. Pretty girls dont feel like dying every now and then, or maybe they do? I don't know. I dont even know what im talking about anymore. I hate caring about people, they never seem to notice. I try so hard to make other people happy, give them advice, help them out but they never want my advice, they never want to care or listen. Maybe im not worth listening to, maybe i dont give good advice, maybe i still have no idea what the hell im talking about. I'm sick of these random people calling my cell phone, not really it just kinda happened while i was typing this. I said hello, and they replied with, "Who the fuck is this nigga?" Last time i checked, i wasnt ignorant, which is what nigger means. Why it's only associated with black people, i'll never know. Well that's quite enough for now.
im too dependent on people and i constantly NEED to feel loved. I think that's why i get into these random mood swings all the time. If I'm not the one with all the attention i feel like im not worth anything, i feel unloved and not important. Its not like i put myself out to get attention, i mean id much prefer not being in the spotlight and being fine with it, but it just doesnt work that way i guess. I also feel like a total failure as a girlfriend even though im constantly told im not. I hate the way everyone is trying to influence MY own opinions of myself. Honestly, someone telling me im not fat, not ugly, not a bad girlfriend won't change how i actually feel. I'm just fucked up maybe. I'm venturing down an old familar path that I dont really want to go down again but its hard to avoid it. Oh well, maybe it'd be for the best, somehow. I haven't cut in so long, or atleast it feels that way. I'm not really proud, I dont really feel anything. It's just like ok, whatever. Speaking of cutting, it's really pissing me off how cutting has become a trend with like everyone and their fucking grandma. Cutting done with safety pins, wtf? It's all so stupid. Cutting doesn't do anything at all. Wow, did i just say that? No, I typed it. Haha, needed some humor. Lately, i've been feeling super self-concious. I feel very ugly, really fat and just blah. I find myself looking in the mirror 39743 hours a day. Am I shallow? I don't know. I just need to feel pretty, not that i ever have. I really dont think I'm beautiful, or even pretty for that matter. Pretty girls dont sit at home typing in livejournals. Pretty girls dont feel like dying every now and then, or maybe they do? I don't know. I dont even know what im talking about anymore. I hate caring about people, they never seem to notice. I try so hard to make other people happy, give them advice, help them out but they never want my advice, they never want to care or listen. Maybe im not worth listening to, maybe i dont give good advice, maybe i still have no idea what the hell im talking about. I'm sick of these random people calling my cell phone, not really it just kinda happened while i was typing this. I said hello, and they replied with, "Who the fuck is this nigga?" Last time i checked, i wasnt ignorant, which is what nigger means. Why it's only associated with black people, i'll never know. Well that's quite enough for now.