Your Bet's as Good as Mine (3/16)
Title: Your Bet's as Good as Mine (3/16)
Pairing: Yunho/Changmin
Words: 4,588
Beta: chibisuz <3
Comments are love ^^
Four weeks later, Changmin was sure someone was playing with his life for his or her own amusement.
Now that Changmin couldn't seem to keep his mind off the older man, someone had helpfully made sure that he saw Yunho everywhere so that he never got a moment of respite. Ever.
Wherever he went, he would see Yunho. Yunho laughing with his friends in the middle of the food court, Yunho playing sports with his friends in the most randomest places on campus, Yunho studying alone or tutoring underclassmen.
Changmin hated it. He hated everything. He profusely cursed the being who decided he should meet Jung Yunho.
And blast it all, Yunho would not leave him alone. The older man's face would light up in a grin every time he saw Changmin. He would always walk over to Changmin, no matter who he was with at the time, saying goodbye to them quickly before walking over with a cheerful hey Changdola. Changmin was unbelievably flattered at the treatment, despite the glares he got from Yunho's friends, both male and female.
***
They fell into something of a routine a week after meeting in the library. Changmin would attend his morning classes and when it was time for lunch, he would sit with his two closest friends, Kyuhyun and Minho, on the grass underneath the same tree every day. Yunho would find him after his own classes ended, sitting down next to him without invitation and bringing his friends Donghae and Siwon along with him.
They would continue to have lunch, all six of them bickering with each other the entire time, but none of them more than Yunho and Changmin. Yunho would complain about Changmin ignoring him, and Changmin would answer with dignity that he was a good student and so did not text during class like some people. Yunho would have the nerve to look like a kicked puppy. After almost an hour of constant jibes and jeers and insults and laughter, with Yunho's naughty hand occasionally making its way to Changmin's thighs, Changmin's back, Changmin's face to brush away imaginary crumbs, they would disperse, all going their separate ways for their respective classes.
Changmin found himself looking forward to lunchtime, for he rather enjoyed the older man and his friend's company, but he would be damned before he admit it to anyone. He was even less likely to admit that he was fascinated by Yunho's face and the honest display of every emotion to ever pass through the man. Not to mention the fact that the heat coming off the older man's body was deliciously addicting. He would catch glimpses of the other man's smooth collarbones when his shirt was unbuttoned a bit. Or brush against muscled biceps. Or accidently feel his thick thighs. And all of it was enough to drive him insane, so much so that he would protest loudly against Yunho being so touchy with him.
Although he secretly enjoyed the attention sometimes, it made him anxious other times, made him remember things he didn't want to remember, like the last time he had been touched that way a bit more violently. And it was as if the older man sensed the sudden tension in his body, as if he knew his touching was suddenly unwanted, because he would withdraw his hand and smile reassuringly and just like that Changmin would be okay. Changmin was grateful beyond words for how well the man seemed to understand him, able to pick up on the slightest changes in Changmin's feelings.
The conversations weren't always fun, not for Changmin, at least. Sometimes when a rare lull in the conversation settled, Donghae's eyes would wander to the people around them. He and his friends then began to discuss the most dreaded subject: girls. They would talk about past experiences with girls, and although Yunho would mostly just listen, he’d occasionally throw in a comment or two about boys he's slept with. Changmin would become uncharacteristically quiet, and Kyuhyun and Minho would glance at him in worry.
Changmin would walk away from these lunches with an aching heart.
On one of these occasions, Yunho turned to Changmin and asked, "You're gay, aren't you?"
"Yes..." Changmin answered, thrown off by his bluntness.
"So how many boyfriends have you had?"
The others were watching him.
Changmin looked down, playing with the grass between his fingers, a blush dusted across his cheeks. "Just one," he mumbled.
Yunho's eyes widened. "Just one? How come? You're so hot Changmin-ah!"
Changmin turned a new shade of red, gritted his teeth and tried to count to ten in his head.
"So where's your boyfriend Changmin-ah?" Yunho asked obliviously, looking around as if Changmin's boyfriend would pop out from behind the nearest tree.
Changmin sprang up with his bookbag, glared at Yunho, and walked away with a scowl.
Behind him, the sound of a slap reached Changmin's ears, followed by a voice that sounded suspiciously like Yunho's saying indignantly what, what did I say?! and another saying dude, you're so tactless.
***
After the second round of classes ended around 5 in the evening, Changmin headed straight to the library to get his work done.
Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how irritated he was with Yunho's perfectexistence that day, Yunho would find him there too, walking over to Changmin's table and settling in the seat directly across from him, smiling angelically.
They would do their work. Or Yunho would. Changmin would try his best not to be distracted by the older man, but it was a fruitless effort. He was so hopelessly aware of Yunho's every move, so attuned to even his breathing, that he would have a hard time focusing his attention on anything else. He supposed, being the genius that he was, his body had adapted to this new threat, and developed a system in which he was able to both work and be aware of Yunho at the same time.
Changmin just didn't understand. How could Yunho seem so unaffected when Changmin was ready to explode from the tension? Was this not the same Yunho who had been so aroused, moaning, from just the slightest touch from Changmin?
After an hour or so would pass, Yunho would take a break. Which meant Changmin took a break as well, by default, because to Yunho a break consisted of poking Changmin with his pen or tugging locks of his hair till he paid him attention. When Changmin would finally look up, exasperated, Yunho would proceed to talk about anything and everything that crossed his mind, which was a lot of things, no matter how random. At least once during these study sessions, sometimes twice, he would step out for a couple minutes, coming back and smelling like cigarette smoke. Changmin had wrinkled his nose pointedly a couple times, but Yunho just ignored him and continued chatting away.
Changmin liked to think he was indulging Yunho, but the truth was that he liked their conversations. He liked talking to Yunho, because the older man always had the most interesting things to say. He liked arguing with Yunho, because the man treated him like an equal and took his opinions seriously. He could honestly say that his conversations with Yunho helped him learn, helped him be more open minded and think in different ways.
Yunho also told him about his own family. Changmin found that his father was a successful lawyer back in Gwangju, and he had wanted Yunho to follow in his footsteps and eventually take over the firm. Yunho was certainly brilliant enough to. He had resisted in the beginning though, because he wanted to be a singer and dancer.
“Really? You wanted to be an idol?” Changmin asked, surprised. Yunho definitely had the looks to be famous, but he had never heard anything like that about Yunho.
Yunho raised an eyebrow, smiling. “Why? You don’t think I could?”
“No, no, of course not. It’s just, I’ve never heard anything about you being a dancer. Or a singer. Are you in any clubs?”
Yunho shook his head. “No, I don’t really have the time. I used to dance in high school and won a couple competitions for singing too, but I didn’t pursue it in college.”
“Why not? If you won competitions you must be good.”
“My dad didn’t think the chances of success in an industry like that were high. Even those with talent never made it big. He was worried that I would spend all this time and effort, and not be rewarded for any of it. So he made a deal with me. He said if I got a degree in law or business or whatever, he would fund it entirely, tuition and food and an apartment and allowance for clothes and stuff, not to mention an automatic job when I got back home.”
Changmin stared at him. “So you gave up dancing? Doesn’t it make you angry that your dad wouldn't support you?"
Yunho pursed his lips, apparently thinking. Changmin had to focus very hard not to stare at his pink lips. He probably deserved an award for it.
"He didn't not support me, per se. He just didn't want me to suffer for a dream that might never come true. It's as much luck as it is talent, I think, and my dad thought the same. I don't blame him for what he did. I guess if I had a son, I would want him to do something that had a 100% chance of success as well." He shrugged. "I know where he's coming from, and I'm not mad about it."
Changmin was quiet, absorbing what he had heard and fitting it into everything else he knew about the man. "I see," he said after a while, and didn't bring it up again.
But if at times their conversations were serious, then there were plenty of times when they were light hearted and funny too. Not to mention flirty. Yunho took every opportunity that presented itself to make a suggestive comment, wiggling an eyebrow whenever he did so. He accidently-on-purpose knocked their legs together under the table, but Changmin ignored him every time, even though Yunho was pretty persistent in trying to get a reaction out of him. He also let his hands wander here and there, but Changmin quickly cut him off from this habit, slapping his hand away or glaring so that Yunho's naughty hand scampered back to safety. Changmin wouldn't allow himself to enjoy Yunho's attention, not when he still wasn't surewhat was going on between them.
The day Yunho asked about his boyfriend, the dynamics of their already confusing relationship changed.
Changmin came to the library in a horrible mood. He had ignored all 17 messages from Yunho, all variants of Changmin I'm sorry please talk to me. He stomped over to his table and slammed his books down, earning half disapproving, half frightened looks from the students around him.
Yunho came 15 minutes later, but today, instead of sitting across from him, he dropped into the seat next to him, his body turned towards him.
"Changmin," Yunho said softly.
Changmin didn't look at him, determined to ignore him, but he didn't fail to notice that this time it was just Changmin, not Changmin-ah or Changminnie or Changdola. He wasn't sure why this upset him more.
His eyes stayed glued to his textbook.
"Changmin-ah I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."
No response.
"Changmin please look at me," Yunho said, a hint of pleading in his voice.
Changmin dragged his eyes up. Yunho looked both apologetic and confused, as if he was genuinely sorry but had no idea why he was.
Changmin sighed. He was powerless against those warm chocolate brown eyes, even if their owner didn't know it.
"It's okay," he mumbled, looking back down. "It's just...it's not something I like talking about."
"I'm sorry, I didn't know," Yunho said, seemingly relieved that Changmin was talking to him.
Changmin turned to him.
"It's fine. Just...not again, okay hyung?"
"Of course," Yunho breathed, staring intently at Changmin.
"Okay then. It's done. Let's not talk about it again."
"Okay," Yunho said, sounding like an obedient little kid. He started pulling out his books slowly, but still watched Changmin, as if he would become upset again the second he shifted his attention away.
Changmin stared at his textbook, seeing none of the words. He could feel Yunho still watching him, a warm feeling spreading through him. He felt strangely happy that Yunho hadn't brushed off his feelings, had come and apologized to him, even though he clearly had no idea why Changmin had gotten so upset. He smiled to himself and focused on the notes in front of him, calm and content.
15 minutes later, Yunho nudged Changmin under the table with his knees. Changmin looked at him. Yunho hadn't even opened his books; instead, he was laying his head on his crossed arms on the textbooks, face turned towards Changmin. He was gazing at him, eyes heavy lidded. It seemed he had been doing that the entire time.
"You're really not mad at hyung, right?"
Changmin shook his head. "No, I'm not mad."
Yunho continued to stare at him almost thoughtfully.
Changmin was beginning to become flustered under that intense gaze.
"Hyung?" he asked tentatively.
"Do you know?" Yunho asked, oblivious to Changmin's discomfort.
He shook his head again.
"I couldn't pay attention in any of my classes after lunch," Yunho said softly.
"Why not?" Changmin prodded, thinking he knew the answer but afraid to hear it confirmed from Yunho's mouth.
Yunho looked away, and then glanced back at him.
"I was worried that I had made you so upset you wouldn't want to talk to me anymore," he said quietly, almost in wonder, as if his feelings were as much of a mystery to himself as they were to Changmin.
Changmin felt his insides flip and tumble, face flaming. Oh God, Yunho, please don't make me fall for you.
Because that was exactly what was happening.
Changmin turned away, unable to bear looking at Yunho's dumb face any longer, sure that he would do something incredibly stupid. Like kiss those pouty lips that were just begging to be licked and bitten and ravaged by his own.
"It's okay, hyung, you don't have to worry about it anymore," he muttered, looking down at his lap, where his fingers were twisting nervously.
Yunho was silent for a couple minutes. For the first time since they had met, an uncomfortable silence fell between them, a heavy blanket that they couldn’t push off. Changmin wondered briefly what was happening.
Yunho suddenly sat up, and moved closer in his chair. "Can I ask you something, Changmin-ah?"
"Sure..." Changmin replied hesitantly, face hot from the older man's proximity.
"I understand if you've had some bad experiences but..."
Changmin stared hard at his fingers, willing Yunho silently to stop bringing back painful memories.
Yunho kept going. "Is that why you refuse my advances?" Yunho asked quietly.
Changmin felt a familiar lump rising in his throat, hating where this conversation was headed. "Hyung please..."
"Changmin help me out here. I’m getting tired of this, I don’t know what to do and you’re not helping and I'm honestly not like what you've heard if you would just give me-”
"Hyung stop!" Changmin cried, springing up. People were staring now, and oh God, Changmin hated this, hated Yunho, hated himself for being such a wimp. He whirled around and flew out of the library.
He only made it to the bathroom, willing the panic in his chest and the unwanted images flashing behind his eyes to go away, before the door banged open behind him and Yunho came in.
Changmin stared down at the sink, panting, refusing to look at Yunho's reflection in the mirror, but he didn't have to do anything.
Yunho spun him around and pulled him close, one arm around his waist while the other tucked Changmin's head into the crook of his neck. "Changminnie I'm sorry, hyung is sorry, I won't talk about it again, I'm so sorry, I won't bring it up again, please don't be mad at me," Yunho whispered into his ear, arms holding him tightly, as if Changmin would dematerialize into air if he loosened his hold for even a moment.
Changmin stood stiffly for a few moments, hands hanging limp at his sides, while Yunho continued to apologize and plead and promise into his ear. But the older man's presence was overwhelmingly comforting, and he soon found himself relaxing in his hold, arms coming up to wrap around Yunho's waist loosely, head resting on the older man's broad shoulders. The dam that was threatening to spill over his eyes soon disappeared, and even then Yunho held on tight.
***
October rolled into November, the weather became colder as the leaves fell from brilliantly colored trees, and Changmin and Yunho became awkward.
Changmin had never been so confused in his life. For some reason, instead of becoming closer after the events of the other Friday, they had become even more strange around each other. He felt like something had shifted, something extremely important, but he couldn’t, for the life of him, understand what exactly had changed, no matter how hard he tried to find a reason for it.
He felt like the older man had been distancing himself. He wasn't sure why he thought so, though; Yunho still texted him good morning and good night; he still came to eat lunch with them; he still sat with Changmin in the library after classes finished.
He joked like always, was annoying like always, but Changmin couldn't quite figure what had changed until one afternoon when the six of them were sitting together for lunch like always.
Yunho was sitting next to him, like always. They were laughing about one thing or another, when Donghae had playfully shoved Yunho toward Changmin. Yunho, however, resisted, digging his fingers into the dirt to avoid falling into Changmin. It wouldn't have been so awkward if Yunho hadn't turned around and shoved Donghae away from him angrily.
Donghae looked startled, and the rest of them stared at Yunho, surprised by his sudden anger.
"What the fuck dude?" Donghae said, getting angry himself.
"Don't fucking touch me," Yunho gritted, standing up and swinging his backpack over his shoulders as he walked away.
"You don't have take out your anger on other people. It's not my fault you got rejected you dick," Donghae yelled after him, jumping up, but Yunho only flipped the bird at him over his shoulder.
The rest of them were left in an awkward silence, until Donghae turned around and glared at Changmin and then stalked away, after which Siwon ran after him, and the three younger boys were staring at each other in confusion. Changmin didn't understand why Donghae seemed angry at him all of a sudden.
When Changmin waited for Yunho at the library later, Yunho never showed up. Anxious, he texted him.
Sent to Jung Yunho 5:45 PM
Are you okay?
Yunho didn't reply right away though, like he always did. Changmin had to wait a while for a response.
He almost jumped on his phone when it finally came.
Received from Jung Yunho 6:15 PM
Yeah
Changmin felt disappointed at the dry reply, missing the cheerful way Yunho usually texted him.
Sent to Jung Yunho 6:16 PM
Aren't you coming today?
Received from Jung Yunho 6:20 PM
Not today. Im at heechul hyung's house
Sent to Jung Yunho 6:21 PM
Oh okay. Have fun then
And that had been it. Not a word from Yunho the rest of the night, and the next day, Friday, he hadn't been on campus either. He saw nothing of him the weekend that followed, and it took three full days with nothing from Yunho, no texting or talking or touching, for Changmin to realize what had changed: Yunho had not touched him since that day at the library.
He had been so careful not to brush against Changmin at lunch time or later in the library, but Changmin, somehow, hadn't noticed, not until now.
Changmin shook those bad memories from his mind, trying not to think about how much he missed his Yunho; even though it had only been a couple of days, it felt like eons since he had last talked to the older man or felt his touch.
The campus had turned into a picture-perfect beauty with its bright trees, and it was this beauty he was gazing at when the quiet peacefulness of the chilly autumn morning was broken by the sounds of harsh voices screaming profanities.
Startled, Changmin turned to the direction of the voices. He was shocked to see two boys fighting by the fountain, throwing punches at each other's faces and stomachs. People began forming a circle around the boys, watching with a morbid sort of fascination. But before any of the boys could start bleeding or become injured in any other way, the crowd around them split.
Changmin craned his neck to see what caused the crowd to part like the red sea. He shouldn't have been surprised, but he was.
Yunho didn't even need to make his way through the crowd; students scrambled out his path themselves, looking apprehensive.
He stomped over to the two still fighting boys looking furious, yanking them apart by the collars of their shirts so hard they were both raised a few inches off the ground. The boys didn't look away from each other's faces, and continued to try and do as much harm to the other as possible. When Yunho wouldn't allow them to draw close to each other again though, one of the boys twisted in Yunho's hold and punched him, right in the face. Changmin's heart dropped when he heard a sickening crack all the way from where he was standing. The crowd around the three boys gasped audibly.
Yunho dropped both boys, his hands flying up to his face.
Only then did both boys get a good look at the man who had been holding them apart. Fear was visible on one of the boy's face, while the boy who punched Yunho looked horrified.
Yunho looked up from the ground, hands held over his nose, but blood was still visible, pouring through his fingers. He said something angrily to the boys in front of him, looking absolutely murderous. Changmin felt a shiver of fear run through even at this distance. He couldn't imagine what the boys must have been feeling. They were both, meanwhile, bowing profusely, eyes not raising from the ground.
Yunho said one last thing, and both boys ran away towards the dean's office, looking thoroughly cowed. He gave a single look at the crowd still around him, and they all promptly dispersed. Finally alone, he removed his hands from his face, winced slightly, and then covered it up again.
Before Changmin knew what he was doing, his feet were running towards Yunho.
"Yunho! Hyung, are you okay?" Changmin asked, hands automatically lifting, removing Yunho's hands, to check the damage done to his face.
Yunho looked at him, surprise flitting across his face, but Changmin ignored it. He reached into his bag and took out a pack of tissues, handing one to Yunho to hold against his still bleeding nose.
"Don't worry, it's fine, I don't think it's broken," he said quietly, but Changmin wasn't listening. He took another tissue and began to wipe blood from the hand that wasn’t busy trying to stop himself from bleeding to death, muttering the entire time about hoodlum freshmen who didn't know how to behave themselves. He did his best to stop his shaking hands, but Yunho noticed. Yunho always noticed, especially when it came to things he had no business noticing.
"Changmin, I'm fine," Yunho said gently, removing his hand from Changmin’s grip to hold his hands firmly. Changmin's heart was in his throat, so relieved to feel Yunho's touch.
"No you're not," Changmin said, voice shaky. "There's a cut on your face, too."
Yunho moved his other hand to touch his cheek, where there was a shallow cut below his left eye. "Ah, it must have been from Kris's ring."
"Hold on, I have a band-aid," Changmin said, reaching into his bag to pull one out. After he gently cleaned Yunho's cheek from the blood with a wet napkin, he carefully applied the band-aid so that it covered the cut fully. He was so focused on his task he didn't notice the way the other man had been gazing at him.
"Come on, you need an ice pack for your nose," Changmin said, tugging Yunho towards the first-aid office. He held Yunho's hand as he walked him across campus, and when Yunho tried to tell him that he could find the office just fine by himself, trying to tug his hand free, Changmin only began to mutter about grown men with the sense of direction of five-year-old children, and held on tighter.
The truth was Changmin knew that Yunho could take care of himself perfectly fine, but he had been so frightened of Yunho's anger that day and the week before at lunchtime that he needed to assure himself that this was still the same Yunho, the Yunho who was always cheerful and sweet and annoying and never, ever angry.
He all but shoved Yunho towards the nurse in the office, insisting that he needed to be seen before any else or he would die.
The nurse gave him an exasperated look, and then guided Yunho towards an empty room. Yunho gave him a reassuring smile behind his back as he walked away.
Changmin sat in one of the chairs outside the room. This might take a while, he thought, getting comfortable.
His mind wandered back to the fight, to the way Yunho had looked when he was angry. Even now, with Yunho safely calm, he felt a flicker of fear at his anger, at the way the older man's eyes had been so stormy before calming when he realized it was Changmin who had come to him. He wondered how it would be to be on the receiving end of that anger; now that Yunho was no longer raging, he could admit to himself that it had been rather sexy.
Strong arms pinning him against the bed, against the wall, muscular thighs pressed to his, a rough voice talking dirty to him....
Someone cleared his throat said above him, "Changmin?"
Changmin jerked, startled, and then flushed when he saw Yunho standing above him, a quizzical look in his eyes.
Blushing furiously, he tried to rid his mind of the images he had been so dreamily thinking of, tried to focus in the man in front of him, and stood up.
Clearing his throat, he said, "So uh, how did it go?"
Yunho smiled, holding an ice pack to his nose. "Just fine. Nothing's broken. Only swollen a little."
"That's a relief," he said, then blushed again. "Um, I mean, for you. It would've been an inconvenience. If you had to go to the hospital, I mean. Um."
"Yeah." Yunho was still smiling, but it was as if the brilliance had been turned down a few watts, making him look almost sad. "Thanks for waiting, you didn't have to."
Changmin looked down. "It's nothing," he said softly, feeling strange.
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Pairing: Yunho/Changmin
Words: 4,588
Beta: chibisuz <3
Comments are love ^^
Four weeks later, Changmin was sure someone was playing with his life for his or her own amusement.
Now that Changmin couldn't seem to keep his mind off the older man, someone had helpfully made sure that he saw Yunho everywhere so that he never got a moment of respite. Ever.
Wherever he went, he would see Yunho. Yunho laughing with his friends in the middle of the food court, Yunho playing sports with his friends in the most randomest places on campus, Yunho studying alone or tutoring underclassmen.
Changmin hated it. He hated everything. He profusely cursed the being who decided he should meet Jung Yunho.
And blast it all, Yunho would not leave him alone. The older man's face would light up in a grin every time he saw Changmin. He would always walk over to Changmin, no matter who he was with at the time, saying goodbye to them quickly before walking over with a cheerful hey Changdola. Changmin was unbelievably flattered at the treatment, despite the glares he got from Yunho's friends, both male and female.
***
They fell into something of a routine a week after meeting in the library. Changmin would attend his morning classes and when it was time for lunch, he would sit with his two closest friends, Kyuhyun and Minho, on the grass underneath the same tree every day. Yunho would find him after his own classes ended, sitting down next to him without invitation and bringing his friends Donghae and Siwon along with him.
They would continue to have lunch, all six of them bickering with each other the entire time, but none of them more than Yunho and Changmin. Yunho would complain about Changmin ignoring him, and Changmin would answer with dignity that he was a good student and so did not text during class like some people. Yunho would have the nerve to look like a kicked puppy. After almost an hour of constant jibes and jeers and insults and laughter, with Yunho's naughty hand occasionally making its way to Changmin's thighs, Changmin's back, Changmin's face to brush away imaginary crumbs, they would disperse, all going their separate ways for their respective classes.
Changmin found himself looking forward to lunchtime, for he rather enjoyed the older man and his friend's company, but he would be damned before he admit it to anyone. He was even less likely to admit that he was fascinated by Yunho's face and the honest display of every emotion to ever pass through the man. Not to mention the fact that the heat coming off the older man's body was deliciously addicting. He would catch glimpses of the other man's smooth collarbones when his shirt was unbuttoned a bit. Or brush against muscled biceps. Or accidently feel his thick thighs. And all of it was enough to drive him insane, so much so that he would protest loudly against Yunho being so touchy with him.
Although he secretly enjoyed the attention sometimes, it made him anxious other times, made him remember things he didn't want to remember, like the last time he had been touched that way a bit more violently. And it was as if the older man sensed the sudden tension in his body, as if he knew his touching was suddenly unwanted, because he would withdraw his hand and smile reassuringly and just like that Changmin would be okay. Changmin was grateful beyond words for how well the man seemed to understand him, able to pick up on the slightest changes in Changmin's feelings.
The conversations weren't always fun, not for Changmin, at least. Sometimes when a rare lull in the conversation settled, Donghae's eyes would wander to the people around them. He and his friends then began to discuss the most dreaded subject: girls. They would talk about past experiences with girls, and although Yunho would mostly just listen, he’d occasionally throw in a comment or two about boys he's slept with. Changmin would become uncharacteristically quiet, and Kyuhyun and Minho would glance at him in worry.
Changmin would walk away from these lunches with an aching heart.
On one of these occasions, Yunho turned to Changmin and asked, "You're gay, aren't you?"
"Yes..." Changmin answered, thrown off by his bluntness.
"So how many boyfriends have you had?"
The others were watching him.
Changmin looked down, playing with the grass between his fingers, a blush dusted across his cheeks. "Just one," he mumbled.
Yunho's eyes widened. "Just one? How come? You're so hot Changmin-ah!"
Changmin turned a new shade of red, gritted his teeth and tried to count to ten in his head.
"So where's your boyfriend Changmin-ah?" Yunho asked obliviously, looking around as if Changmin's boyfriend would pop out from behind the nearest tree.
Changmin sprang up with his bookbag, glared at Yunho, and walked away with a scowl.
Behind him, the sound of a slap reached Changmin's ears, followed by a voice that sounded suspiciously like Yunho's saying indignantly what, what did I say?! and another saying dude, you're so tactless.
***
After the second round of classes ended around 5 in the evening, Changmin headed straight to the library to get his work done.
Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how irritated he was with Yunho's perfectexistence that day, Yunho would find him there too, walking over to Changmin's table and settling in the seat directly across from him, smiling angelically.
They would do their work. Or Yunho would. Changmin would try his best not to be distracted by the older man, but it was a fruitless effort. He was so hopelessly aware of Yunho's every move, so attuned to even his breathing, that he would have a hard time focusing his attention on anything else. He supposed, being the genius that he was, his body had adapted to this new threat, and developed a system in which he was able to both work and be aware of Yunho at the same time.
Changmin just didn't understand. How could Yunho seem so unaffected when Changmin was ready to explode from the tension? Was this not the same Yunho who had been so aroused, moaning, from just the slightest touch from Changmin?
After an hour or so would pass, Yunho would take a break. Which meant Changmin took a break as well, by default, because to Yunho a break consisted of poking Changmin with his pen or tugging locks of his hair till he paid him attention. When Changmin would finally look up, exasperated, Yunho would proceed to talk about anything and everything that crossed his mind, which was a lot of things, no matter how random. At least once during these study sessions, sometimes twice, he would step out for a couple minutes, coming back and smelling like cigarette smoke. Changmin had wrinkled his nose pointedly a couple times, but Yunho just ignored him and continued chatting away.
Changmin liked to think he was indulging Yunho, but the truth was that he liked their conversations. He liked talking to Yunho, because the older man always had the most interesting things to say. He liked arguing with Yunho, because the man treated him like an equal and took his opinions seriously. He could honestly say that his conversations with Yunho helped him learn, helped him be more open minded and think in different ways.
Yunho also told him about his own family. Changmin found that his father was a successful lawyer back in Gwangju, and he had wanted Yunho to follow in his footsteps and eventually take over the firm. Yunho was certainly brilliant enough to. He had resisted in the beginning though, because he wanted to be a singer and dancer.
“Really? You wanted to be an idol?” Changmin asked, surprised. Yunho definitely had the looks to be famous, but he had never heard anything like that about Yunho.
Yunho raised an eyebrow, smiling. “Why? You don’t think I could?”
“No, no, of course not. It’s just, I’ve never heard anything about you being a dancer. Or a singer. Are you in any clubs?”
Yunho shook his head. “No, I don’t really have the time. I used to dance in high school and won a couple competitions for singing too, but I didn’t pursue it in college.”
“Why not? If you won competitions you must be good.”
“My dad didn’t think the chances of success in an industry like that were high. Even those with talent never made it big. He was worried that I would spend all this time and effort, and not be rewarded for any of it. So he made a deal with me. He said if I got a degree in law or business or whatever, he would fund it entirely, tuition and food and an apartment and allowance for clothes and stuff, not to mention an automatic job when I got back home.”
Changmin stared at him. “So you gave up dancing? Doesn’t it make you angry that your dad wouldn't support you?"
Yunho pursed his lips, apparently thinking. Changmin had to focus very hard not to stare at his pink lips. He probably deserved an award for it.
"He didn't not support me, per se. He just didn't want me to suffer for a dream that might never come true. It's as much luck as it is talent, I think, and my dad thought the same. I don't blame him for what he did. I guess if I had a son, I would want him to do something that had a 100% chance of success as well." He shrugged. "I know where he's coming from, and I'm not mad about it."
Changmin was quiet, absorbing what he had heard and fitting it into everything else he knew about the man. "I see," he said after a while, and didn't bring it up again.
But if at times their conversations were serious, then there were plenty of times when they were light hearted and funny too. Not to mention flirty. Yunho took every opportunity that presented itself to make a suggestive comment, wiggling an eyebrow whenever he did so. He accidently-on-purpose knocked their legs together under the table, but Changmin ignored him every time, even though Yunho was pretty persistent in trying to get a reaction out of him. He also let his hands wander here and there, but Changmin quickly cut him off from this habit, slapping his hand away or glaring so that Yunho's naughty hand scampered back to safety. Changmin wouldn't allow himself to enjoy Yunho's attention, not when he still wasn't surewhat was going on between them.
The day Yunho asked about his boyfriend, the dynamics of their already confusing relationship changed.
Changmin came to the library in a horrible mood. He had ignored all 17 messages from Yunho, all variants of Changmin I'm sorry please talk to me. He stomped over to his table and slammed his books down, earning half disapproving, half frightened looks from the students around him.
Yunho came 15 minutes later, but today, instead of sitting across from him, he dropped into the seat next to him, his body turned towards him.
"Changmin," Yunho said softly.
Changmin didn't look at him, determined to ignore him, but he didn't fail to notice that this time it was just Changmin, not Changmin-ah or Changminnie or Changdola. He wasn't sure why this upset him more.
His eyes stayed glued to his textbook.
"Changmin-ah I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."
No response.
"Changmin please look at me," Yunho said, a hint of pleading in his voice.
Changmin dragged his eyes up. Yunho looked both apologetic and confused, as if he was genuinely sorry but had no idea why he was.
Changmin sighed. He was powerless against those warm chocolate brown eyes, even if their owner didn't know it.
"It's okay," he mumbled, looking back down. "It's just...it's not something I like talking about."
"I'm sorry, I didn't know," Yunho said, seemingly relieved that Changmin was talking to him.
Changmin turned to him.
"It's fine. Just...not again, okay hyung?"
"Of course," Yunho breathed, staring intently at Changmin.
"Okay then. It's done. Let's not talk about it again."
"Okay," Yunho said, sounding like an obedient little kid. He started pulling out his books slowly, but still watched Changmin, as if he would become upset again the second he shifted his attention away.
Changmin stared at his textbook, seeing none of the words. He could feel Yunho still watching him, a warm feeling spreading through him. He felt strangely happy that Yunho hadn't brushed off his feelings, had come and apologized to him, even though he clearly had no idea why Changmin had gotten so upset. He smiled to himself and focused on the notes in front of him, calm and content.
15 minutes later, Yunho nudged Changmin under the table with his knees. Changmin looked at him. Yunho hadn't even opened his books; instead, he was laying his head on his crossed arms on the textbooks, face turned towards Changmin. He was gazing at him, eyes heavy lidded. It seemed he had been doing that the entire time.
"You're really not mad at hyung, right?"
Changmin shook his head. "No, I'm not mad."
Yunho continued to stare at him almost thoughtfully.
Changmin was beginning to become flustered under that intense gaze.
"Hyung?" he asked tentatively.
"Do you know?" Yunho asked, oblivious to Changmin's discomfort.
He shook his head again.
"I couldn't pay attention in any of my classes after lunch," Yunho said softly.
"Why not?" Changmin prodded, thinking he knew the answer but afraid to hear it confirmed from Yunho's mouth.
Yunho looked away, and then glanced back at him.
"I was worried that I had made you so upset you wouldn't want to talk to me anymore," he said quietly, almost in wonder, as if his feelings were as much of a mystery to himself as they were to Changmin.
Changmin felt his insides flip and tumble, face flaming. Oh God, Yunho, please don't make me fall for you.
Because that was exactly what was happening.
Changmin turned away, unable to bear looking at Yunho's dumb face any longer, sure that he would do something incredibly stupid. Like kiss those pouty lips that were just begging to be licked and bitten and ravaged by his own.
"It's okay, hyung, you don't have to worry about it anymore," he muttered, looking down at his lap, where his fingers were twisting nervously.
Yunho was silent for a couple minutes. For the first time since they had met, an uncomfortable silence fell between them, a heavy blanket that they couldn’t push off. Changmin wondered briefly what was happening.
Yunho suddenly sat up, and moved closer in his chair. "Can I ask you something, Changmin-ah?"
"Sure..." Changmin replied hesitantly, face hot from the older man's proximity.
"I understand if you've had some bad experiences but..."
Changmin stared hard at his fingers, willing Yunho silently to stop bringing back painful memories.
Yunho kept going. "Is that why you refuse my advances?" Yunho asked quietly.
Changmin felt a familiar lump rising in his throat, hating where this conversation was headed. "Hyung please..."
"Changmin help me out here. I’m getting tired of this, I don’t know what to do and you’re not helping and I'm honestly not like what you've heard if you would just give me-”
"Hyung stop!" Changmin cried, springing up. People were staring now, and oh God, Changmin hated this, hated Yunho, hated himself for being such a wimp. He whirled around and flew out of the library.
He only made it to the bathroom, willing the panic in his chest and the unwanted images flashing behind his eyes to go away, before the door banged open behind him and Yunho came in.
Changmin stared down at the sink, panting, refusing to look at Yunho's reflection in the mirror, but he didn't have to do anything.
Yunho spun him around and pulled him close, one arm around his waist while the other tucked Changmin's head into the crook of his neck. "Changminnie I'm sorry, hyung is sorry, I won't talk about it again, I'm so sorry, I won't bring it up again, please don't be mad at me," Yunho whispered into his ear, arms holding him tightly, as if Changmin would dematerialize into air if he loosened his hold for even a moment.
Changmin stood stiffly for a few moments, hands hanging limp at his sides, while Yunho continued to apologize and plead and promise into his ear. But the older man's presence was overwhelmingly comforting, and he soon found himself relaxing in his hold, arms coming up to wrap around Yunho's waist loosely, head resting on the older man's broad shoulders. The dam that was threatening to spill over his eyes soon disappeared, and even then Yunho held on tight.
***
October rolled into November, the weather became colder as the leaves fell from brilliantly colored trees, and Changmin and Yunho became awkward.
Changmin had never been so confused in his life. For some reason, instead of becoming closer after the events of the other Friday, they had become even more strange around each other. He felt like something had shifted, something extremely important, but he couldn’t, for the life of him, understand what exactly had changed, no matter how hard he tried to find a reason for it.
He felt like the older man had been distancing himself. He wasn't sure why he thought so, though; Yunho still texted him good morning and good night; he still came to eat lunch with them; he still sat with Changmin in the library after classes finished.
He joked like always, was annoying like always, but Changmin couldn't quite figure what had changed until one afternoon when the six of them were sitting together for lunch like always.
Yunho was sitting next to him, like always. They were laughing about one thing or another, when Donghae had playfully shoved Yunho toward Changmin. Yunho, however, resisted, digging his fingers into the dirt to avoid falling into Changmin. It wouldn't have been so awkward if Yunho hadn't turned around and shoved Donghae away from him angrily.
Donghae looked startled, and the rest of them stared at Yunho, surprised by his sudden anger.
"What the fuck dude?" Donghae said, getting angry himself.
"Don't fucking touch me," Yunho gritted, standing up and swinging his backpack over his shoulders as he walked away.
"You don't have take out your anger on other people. It's not my fault you got rejected you dick," Donghae yelled after him, jumping up, but Yunho only flipped the bird at him over his shoulder.
The rest of them were left in an awkward silence, until Donghae turned around and glared at Changmin and then stalked away, after which Siwon ran after him, and the three younger boys were staring at each other in confusion. Changmin didn't understand why Donghae seemed angry at him all of a sudden.
When Changmin waited for Yunho at the library later, Yunho never showed up. Anxious, he texted him.
Sent to Jung Yunho 5:45 PM
Are you okay?
Yunho didn't reply right away though, like he always did. Changmin had to wait a while for a response.
He almost jumped on his phone when it finally came.
Received from Jung Yunho 6:15 PM
Yeah
Changmin felt disappointed at the dry reply, missing the cheerful way Yunho usually texted him.
Sent to Jung Yunho 6:16 PM
Aren't you coming today?
Received from Jung Yunho 6:20 PM
Not today. Im at heechul hyung's house
Sent to Jung Yunho 6:21 PM
Oh okay. Have fun then
And that had been it. Not a word from Yunho the rest of the night, and the next day, Friday, he hadn't been on campus either. He saw nothing of him the weekend that followed, and it took three full days with nothing from Yunho, no texting or talking or touching, for Changmin to realize what had changed: Yunho had not touched him since that day at the library.
He had been so careful not to brush against Changmin at lunch time or later in the library, but Changmin, somehow, hadn't noticed, not until now.
Changmin shook those bad memories from his mind, trying not to think about how much he missed his Yunho; even though it had only been a couple of days, it felt like eons since he had last talked to the older man or felt his touch.
The campus had turned into a picture-perfect beauty with its bright trees, and it was this beauty he was gazing at when the quiet peacefulness of the chilly autumn morning was broken by the sounds of harsh voices screaming profanities.
Startled, Changmin turned to the direction of the voices. He was shocked to see two boys fighting by the fountain, throwing punches at each other's faces and stomachs. People began forming a circle around the boys, watching with a morbid sort of fascination. But before any of the boys could start bleeding or become injured in any other way, the crowd around them split.
Changmin craned his neck to see what caused the crowd to part like the red sea. He shouldn't have been surprised, but he was.
Yunho didn't even need to make his way through the crowd; students scrambled out his path themselves, looking apprehensive.
He stomped over to the two still fighting boys looking furious, yanking them apart by the collars of their shirts so hard they were both raised a few inches off the ground. The boys didn't look away from each other's faces, and continued to try and do as much harm to the other as possible. When Yunho wouldn't allow them to draw close to each other again though, one of the boys twisted in Yunho's hold and punched him, right in the face. Changmin's heart dropped when he heard a sickening crack all the way from where he was standing. The crowd around the three boys gasped audibly.
Yunho dropped both boys, his hands flying up to his face.
Only then did both boys get a good look at the man who had been holding them apart. Fear was visible on one of the boy's face, while the boy who punched Yunho looked horrified.
Yunho looked up from the ground, hands held over his nose, but blood was still visible, pouring through his fingers. He said something angrily to the boys in front of him, looking absolutely murderous. Changmin felt a shiver of fear run through even at this distance. He couldn't imagine what the boys must have been feeling. They were both, meanwhile, bowing profusely, eyes not raising from the ground.
Yunho said one last thing, and both boys ran away towards the dean's office, looking thoroughly cowed. He gave a single look at the crowd still around him, and they all promptly dispersed. Finally alone, he removed his hands from his face, winced slightly, and then covered it up again.
Before Changmin knew what he was doing, his feet were running towards Yunho.
"Yunho! Hyung, are you okay?" Changmin asked, hands automatically lifting, removing Yunho's hands, to check the damage done to his face.
Yunho looked at him, surprise flitting across his face, but Changmin ignored it. He reached into his bag and took out a pack of tissues, handing one to Yunho to hold against his still bleeding nose.
"Don't worry, it's fine, I don't think it's broken," he said quietly, but Changmin wasn't listening. He took another tissue and began to wipe blood from the hand that wasn’t busy trying to stop himself from bleeding to death, muttering the entire time about hoodlum freshmen who didn't know how to behave themselves. He did his best to stop his shaking hands, but Yunho noticed. Yunho always noticed, especially when it came to things he had no business noticing.
"Changmin, I'm fine," Yunho said gently, removing his hand from Changmin’s grip to hold his hands firmly. Changmin's heart was in his throat, so relieved to feel Yunho's touch.
"No you're not," Changmin said, voice shaky. "There's a cut on your face, too."
Yunho moved his other hand to touch his cheek, where there was a shallow cut below his left eye. "Ah, it must have been from Kris's ring."
"Hold on, I have a band-aid," Changmin said, reaching into his bag to pull one out. After he gently cleaned Yunho's cheek from the blood with a wet napkin, he carefully applied the band-aid so that it covered the cut fully. He was so focused on his task he didn't notice the way the other man had been gazing at him.
"Come on, you need an ice pack for your nose," Changmin said, tugging Yunho towards the first-aid office. He held Yunho's hand as he walked him across campus, and when Yunho tried to tell him that he could find the office just fine by himself, trying to tug his hand free, Changmin only began to mutter about grown men with the sense of direction of five-year-old children, and held on tighter.
The truth was Changmin knew that Yunho could take care of himself perfectly fine, but he had been so frightened of Yunho's anger that day and the week before at lunchtime that he needed to assure himself that this was still the same Yunho, the Yunho who was always cheerful and sweet and annoying and never, ever angry.
He all but shoved Yunho towards the nurse in the office, insisting that he needed to be seen before any else or he would die.
The nurse gave him an exasperated look, and then guided Yunho towards an empty room. Yunho gave him a reassuring smile behind his back as he walked away.
Changmin sat in one of the chairs outside the room. This might take a while, he thought, getting comfortable.
His mind wandered back to the fight, to the way Yunho had looked when he was angry. Even now, with Yunho safely calm, he felt a flicker of fear at his anger, at the way the older man's eyes had been so stormy before calming when he realized it was Changmin who had come to him. He wondered how it would be to be on the receiving end of that anger; now that Yunho was no longer raging, he could admit to himself that it had been rather sexy.
Strong arms pinning him against the bed, against the wall, muscular thighs pressed to his, a rough voice talking dirty to him....
Someone cleared his throat said above him, "Changmin?"
Changmin jerked, startled, and then flushed when he saw Yunho standing above him, a quizzical look in his eyes.
Blushing furiously, he tried to rid his mind of the images he had been so dreamily thinking of, tried to focus in the man in front of him, and stood up.
Clearing his throat, he said, "So uh, how did it go?"
Yunho smiled, holding an ice pack to his nose. "Just fine. Nothing's broken. Only swollen a little."
"That's a relief," he said, then blushed again. "Um, I mean, for you. It would've been an inconvenience. If you had to go to the hospital, I mean. Um."
"Yeah." Yunho was still smiling, but it was as if the brilliance had been turned down a few watts, making him look almost sad. "Thanks for waiting, you didn't have to."
Changmin looked down. "It's nothing," he said softly, feeling strange.
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