Fictional story my heart told me to write

[sulappy]

"If it wasn't this, it'd be something else..." - Elizabethtown

…But I love you.

I…I can’t love you. Not the way you want to be loved. I mean, I love you but it can’t be any more than just words.

All we’ve ever been is just words.

That’s not true, and you know it isn’t. I just can’t keep making everyone else happy anymore. I haven’t been thinking about myself at all this whole time, and that’s not fair to me.

You’re right. I’m sorry if it sounded like this was all about what I wanted. I never meant for it to sound that way. I just want you to be happy. I just wish it was with me.

I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say, so I just won’t say anything.

So…what do we do now?

I want us to be friends. You will always be my friend, I know it.

But how can we be friends if all I want to do when I see you is kiss you? And hold you? I smell you everywhere I go and that smell awakens all these amazingly sensual and sweet memories of you. I can’t let you go like that. I love you, and I want to be in love with you. Why can’t you see what we would have would be amazing for both of us?

Because it doesn’t feel right to me. I can’t just force myself to feel a certain way. I’m sorry. I don’t know what to do.

I don’t either. But I feel so lost without you.

I have to go. Please be okay.

I won’t be. But go. I love you.

Please don’t be like that.

What way do you want me to be? Want me to pretend this whole thing is okay and I can tell my feelings to go away? Well, I can’t. I just can’t, I don’t want to. I fuckin love you.

I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I wish it could be different. I’m just so confused and I don’t know what to do right now.

I’m sorry, this isn’t your fault. I just want you to be okay. I’ll see you tomorrow. I love you, I love you, I can’t stop saying it.

I love you to. I’m sorry. Have a good night.

Goodnight bud.

Will you be okay?

I’ll…sure. Yeah, I will.

Okay. Tomorrow, I’ll see you?

Tomorrow. 

Okay. Goodnight.

Goodnight bud.