that's fucked up
i just don't get it...it's like he just one day decided to kick me out of his life...never calls me anymore...never wants to hang out...nothing...i didn't even do anything...cherri said that she thinks he doesn't like eric or something...but i mean wth...there have been some girlfriends i haven't liked of his but have i stoped talking to him completely? negative...i just don't understand...i hate hearing bad stuff that happens to him from kyle or cherri or not hearing it at all...he was my best guy friend...now i really don't have any guy friends...they've all proven to be straight-up assholes...alls i gots is eric...and right now thats all i want...but ya see i never know when to call eric...all these thoughts race through my mind when i do call him...im scared that im either calling "too" much or not enough...after his lovely "we dont have to spend every minute together" speech, i never know what to do...whatever i do now i have to second-guess it...thinking would this annoy him by seeing me two days in a row...i hung out w/ him last night...and i called him around 3-ish..he was watchin a movie and he said he'd call me later...i said "ok, bye"...i was too scared to ask if we could do something later...for him saying something like "::sigh:: i don't feel like going to your house...you just want to have sex w/ me...i want to play basketball...i saw u last night" stuff like that...i'm about to call him again...hopefully he'll answer his phones this time...i hate second-guessing everything i say to him...it's driving me insane...cuz if i ask to do something with him, he's gonna quickly say "well what do you want to do?" hell idk its orange park what is there to do?...it would be nice for you to actually come over to your girlfriend's house when her parents are actually away for once to just hangout..and i dont mean have sex w/ me...just lay around w/ me...ugh...idk...this is driving me insane cuz i love him so much..i want to call him all the time and see him all the time...but i can't...it's like he wont let me..cuz he says he felt trapped before...im sorry eric for that but this is me...it's how i act...especially toward you...frankly i think you should be very happy to have me...some other girls through *everything* that has happened would've left you already...but that's not even an option at all...i love you too much to let you go...this is an emotional/rant post..lata