The depths of my psyche
obsessions are a hobby for me, especially obsessing over dudes, my vitality makes up for it thought i think, maybe... I've been told I'm "special" many times and each time it's said to me i wonder if they mean of the short bus variety or the snowflake and every year I get further convinced it's the former.
Recently (and i think this is the closest i will ever get to being complimented on my looks)
I was told that there are multiple tiers for women as far as looks go and that while i am not on that first tier of "so gorgeous you could fall in love with her picture" I apparently fall firmly into the second tier of "cute and fuckable" which made me feel really good. I am a solidly good looking person not nessicarilly the belle of the ball but right up there in the second tier no where near the bottom of the barrel "only if she were the last girl on earth"
My father once told me "your not special" and the intelectual part of me wanted that to mean that I'm not alone, that there are millions of people out there who feel the same way but there is another part of me that strives every minute of every day to be un-mundane because that would be the worst kind of hell to live in. If I am on that second tier am i still special or am i mundane or am i just plain weird?
I dunno but i vasilate between feeling confident and self assured and like a wounded bird who needs a nest to roost in (or a person) to make me feel safe.....
-s
Recently (and i think this is the closest i will ever get to being complimented on my looks)
I was told that there are multiple tiers for women as far as looks go and that while i am not on that first tier of "so gorgeous you could fall in love with her picture" I apparently fall firmly into the second tier of "cute and fuckable" which made me feel really good. I am a solidly good looking person not nessicarilly the belle of the ball but right up there in the second tier no where near the bottom of the barrel "only if she were the last girl on earth"
My father once told me "your not special" and the intelectual part of me wanted that to mean that I'm not alone, that there are millions of people out there who feel the same way but there is another part of me that strives every minute of every day to be un-mundane because that would be the worst kind of hell to live in. If I am on that second tier am i still special or am i mundane or am i just plain weird?
I dunno but i vasilate between feeling confident and self assured and like a wounded bird who needs a nest to roost in (or a person) to make me feel safe.....
-s