Talk about timing!
As promised, a little tale about neighborhood drama, as observed from behind the curtain of narcotic drugs.
But first, a little friendly advice…
If you find yourself preparing for breast and lymph surgery, buy yourself one or two (or three) nice, cotton, wire-free bras. You will not be sorry. When you have to wear a bra 24/7 for over two weeks, a nylon, lacey, push-up number with an under-wire is NOT what you want. If you are bigger than a C-cup, a sports bra by itself is also NOT what you want. Trust me on this. Buy a few of those “leisure bras” that you always laughed at. It’s ok, you can buy them online and they will be delivered in a nice, non-descript, Amazon.com box. No one else has to know. Your back and shoulders and the skin on your chest will thank you. I suspect that these same bras will come in handy again after several weeks of radiation treatment. I will, of course, let you know how that works out.
Ok… on to the promised story of drama…
I will do my best to recant the story; however I suspect that it was far more entertaining while under the influence of the Vicodin.
It was the day after my surgery. I spent the morning watching TLC, HGTV, and the Bravo channel in between naps. So, you know, a Vicodin or two every 4 hours and lots of House Hunters, Yard Crashers, Toddlers and Tiaras, and re-runs of Top Chef. I believe there were some visitors too… I am pretty sure that is the day that my neighbor Leslie brought me fantastic soup for lunch and my brother brought me some delicious gelato for later.
Around 3pm I decided that I needed to get some fresh air and take a little walk. I made it as far as my mailbox and managed to get my mail out and re-lock the box. So far so good. I didn’t even shuffle my slippered feet… at least I don’t think I did. In my head I didn’t. I took my cell phone with me just in case. As I turned to head back to my porch and front door, I noticed a white, Jeep-type vehicle parked across the street from my house, just across from the park. The driver’s door was open and so was the passenger door on the driver’s side. I stood there for what seemed like a minute or an hour just staring at the car, trying to figure out why it had captured my attention. It suddenly occurred to me that the car alarm was going off. This was one of those loud alarms that engage the car’s horn and flash the headlights. No wonder it took me several moments to figure out why the car had distracted me. There was a young man either putting something in the car or getting something out of the car. It seemed…. Odd…. But… I’ve seen many people set off their car alarms while trying to get into or out of their own cars. I just sort of stood there and stared… I’m not sure how I managed to not just drop my mail and sit down on the sidewalk, but I remained standing and even looked at my cell phone and wondered if I should call 911.
A lady in the park with her kids had walked over to the park sidewalk just as the kid shut both car doors and jogged across the street into the park. She asked him if he was going to shut off his car alarm and he said that he had to go get his keys first. I remember thinking… that’s weird… how did he get into the car without his keys. I was still standing up with the mail in one hand and my cell phone in the other… remarkable. I looked at my cell phone again but didn’t make any effort to dial. Something told me that I would not be a great witness. I noticed that the lady in the park had her phone out too. Just then, an older gentleman in a white hoodie came running down my street toward the car, which was still making a horrible noise and flashing its lights. He was pointing something at it that I thought might be a set of keys. The lady and I both yelled at him at the same time, “Is that your car?” He said it was and she told him she had seen a young man in it a few moments ago. He described the young man and said he was a friend. The lady looked suspicious and I felt the hairs rise up on the back of my neck but I wondered if that was just because it was almost time for another pain pill. The guy got in the car, fiddled around, and tried to start it, but it would not start. I remember wondering if the alarm had drained the battery. I also remember thinking that it wouldn’t drain the battery so quickly…at the very same time that I thought this had been going on forever. I think it was probably 3:05 at this point but it felt like hours had passed.
I saw the lady in the park on her phone and looked at my phone again. It then occurred to me that either a crime was being committed and someone should call the police, and that maybe the lady was doing just that, or that the guy’s battery was really dead and he would be looking for someone to jump his car. Either way, I suddenly felt like I needed to sit down. It occurred to me that if I called the police, then I would need to actually talk to them and be a witness and that as soon as I mentioned the Vicodin, my witness credibility would come into question. At the very same moment, it occurred to me that if the battery was dead… I didn’t want this guy asking me to get my car out and help jump his vehicle. So, I made my way inside where I promptly shut and locked my door.
I think I slept for 6 hours or maybe 45 minutes. I dreamed about little girls with horrible false eyelashes and flam-retardant hair barbequing grey chickens. My dad came over at about 4:00 and asked me why there were so many cop cars across the street from the park. I unlocked my door, ventured out to the porch, and sat down on the two-seat glider chair. Sure enough, there were four or five cop cars, several police officers, the lady from the park, the older guy who had tried to start the car, the younger kid who had been in the car, some other guy, and some girls. There was also another car, which I imagined belonged to the girls. I went back inside and sat down again. I think I slept for a few minutes or days. When I woke up again I was feeling somewhat perkier and curious. I put Ruairi’s harness and leash on and took him across the street to the park. We met several of our dog-walking neighbors and walked slowly around the park. There were still four police cars and all the other characters, except the lady in the park was gone and so were her kids. All the neighbors wanted to know what was going on. We watched the spectacle for a little while. I decided that I should probably sit down again, so I took Ruairi back across the street and home.
Around 7pm my friend and neighbor Debbie came over to take Ruairi for a real walk. There were still two cop cars and the jeep-like vehicle. Everyone else was gone. While Debbie walked Ruairi, a tow truck showed up and took the Jeep-like thing away. The last cop car pulled away shortly after that.
You might think that was the end of it.
You would be wrong.
You see, we have this neighborhood Yahoo group and email list.
Yep, that’s right. All the gossip with none of the hassle of entertaining people in your own home.
Sometime after 9pm, a neighbor posted to the list that there had been a break in and attempted burglary that afternoon just one street South of me and in the same block as me…. So basically, right across the street from the park. The burglars had gone in through a sliding door in the back but were interrupted by the homeowners arriving home. The burglars attempted to escape on foot but observant neighbors and someone at the park had called the police and all three burglars were eventually apprehended. The police apparently said that they were very impressed by how observant the neighbors were. Thank goodness I didn’t call the police too… my drug-induced account might have worked out in favor of the burglars, especially if I had included any descriptions of little girls with fake crowns and frightening eyelashes. I am also doubtful that I could have remained awake and alert long enough to actually have a coherent conversation with the police.
A couple of days later I learned that while I was inside dreaming of tiny little girls and grey chickens, I had missed the most entertaining part of the afternoon’s drama. Apparently at some point during the apprehension, the young guy had asked to go use the men’s room at the park. He was already in hand-cuffs, so a police officer escorted him to the men’s room. The kid somehow managed to knock the officer down (no one actually saw that… they just saw the officer getting up off the ground) and then took off running across the park. He was still cuffed (with hands behind his back) and his baggie jeans were hanging even lower than typical for this fashion choice. He made it across the park and into the neighborhood with the officer not quite on his heels but still well within sight. The officer caught up with him in the front yard of one of our oldest residents (she is in her 90s and has lived in the same house in our neighborhood for over 60 years). I think she spent 15 or 20 minutes telling the nice, and ever so patient officer about the history of the neighborhood. Some other neighbors came over and rescued him. It is probably a very good thing that I missed the whole, high-speed, foot chase portion of the story. Who knows what that would have done to my dreams?
So there you have it. I am pretty darn proud of my neighbors and quite glad that I didn’t have to make any calls or be an official witness.
That’s all for now.