Life, Revelations, and Longing
Well, it has been a while since I made a post here so this one might end up being somewhat lengthy, due to the amount of venting and things I just need to get off my chest.
So I did it...I broke things off for the first time in my life. As most know, I broke up with my boyfriend of three months a few weeks ago. However there are things that still linger. I will say that I was saddened and more than heartbroken under the circumstances of the break up and how much denial there was in the reasoning....it hurts to even think about it.....I WAS in love till the end. I never really wanted to do it, but it had to be done for both our sakes I guess. I couldn't have done it without my best friend being there for me to push me and help me along. However, as I said, it still stings. I feel it every day, knowing that I broke someone's heart and had the same done to myself. I struggle to find reasons to be bitter, be mad, be angry....but I can't. I am not that type of person. I see it as what is in the past stays there. I admit, I still want to be somewhat of a friend to the Sabretooth, I don't want to be seen as an enemy. But that is all up to him.....
I see that he's happy. He has already found himself someone else to be with and I wish them the best of luck, especially the little one. He's a hyper lil' thing, but I think they can make each other happy. I am glad for the both of them. I just wish that it was that easy for this nieve husky-pup...
On a random note, I got my ears pierced. I needed it, it was something I have wanted for years.....
College life is everything that people say it is. It's tough living on your own, sure. Jobs come and go, finances get all fucked up to the point of being broke 90% of the time, and you worry about EVERYTHING!!! I am pulling my fur out trying to think of how I am going to pay for car insurance, car inspection, AND AC all in about four months. ( with the exception of AC) But you know what, I'll deal with it. It's all about being an adult and taking the initiative to control ones self. Though I have began to wallow a little.....about being....just being. Being who I am, who I was, what I am.....I just don't know anymore. My morals are shifting, warping, the boundries are being torn apart by things I am doing.....and it is making me look like a hypocrite....I feel like I don't even know MYSELF anymore....and it scares me to no end.
Loneliness has set in. I feel so empty I just want to sleep my days away...I know there are people that care, people that will help me through this phase of my life.....but I still feel cold. There are people that say they love me, that DO love me, but I feel so numb....I know of a few that are interested in me, but I just don't know if I am really interested back right now....I just wish that I had some form of guidence....A sign, an Angel, anything.....I need someone to talk to, a shoulder that I can cry one, paws to hold me and a voice that can sooth my pain........I need a miracle, a Saint, a savior....I just wish that for once in my life I can be happy...that I can make myself happy for a change instead of making others happy all the time. I know it may sound selfish, but I need a little happiness once in a blue moon.....
I just don't know where this is going now, I am trying not to cry but the tears have already begun to sting my eyes and dampen my fur....For now I think I am truly a broken man.......
So I did it...I broke things off for the first time in my life. As most know, I broke up with my boyfriend of three months a few weeks ago. However there are things that still linger. I will say that I was saddened and more than heartbroken under the circumstances of the break up and how much denial there was in the reasoning....it hurts to even think about it.....I WAS in love till the end. I never really wanted to do it, but it had to be done for both our sakes I guess. I couldn't have done it without my best friend being there for me to push me and help me along. However, as I said, it still stings. I feel it every day, knowing that I broke someone's heart and had the same done to myself. I struggle to find reasons to be bitter, be mad, be angry....but I can't. I am not that type of person. I see it as what is in the past stays there. I admit, I still want to be somewhat of a friend to the Sabretooth, I don't want to be seen as an enemy. But that is all up to him.....
I see that he's happy. He has already found himself someone else to be with and I wish them the best of luck, especially the little one. He's a hyper lil' thing, but I think they can make each other happy. I am glad for the both of them. I just wish that it was that easy for this nieve husky-pup...
On a random note, I got my ears pierced. I needed it, it was something I have wanted for years.....
College life is everything that people say it is. It's tough living on your own, sure. Jobs come and go, finances get all fucked up to the point of being broke 90% of the time, and you worry about EVERYTHING!!! I am pulling my fur out trying to think of how I am going to pay for car insurance, car inspection, AND AC all in about four months. ( with the exception of AC) But you know what, I'll deal with it. It's all about being an adult and taking the initiative to control ones self. Though I have began to wallow a little.....about being....just being. Being who I am, who I was, what I am.....I just don't know anymore. My morals are shifting, warping, the boundries are being torn apart by things I am doing.....and it is making me look like a hypocrite....I feel like I don't even know MYSELF anymore....and it scares me to no end.
Loneliness has set in. I feel so empty I just want to sleep my days away...I know there are people that care, people that will help me through this phase of my life.....but I still feel cold. There are people that say they love me, that DO love me, but I feel so numb....I know of a few that are interested in me, but I just don't know if I am really interested back right now....I just wish that I had some form of guidence....A sign, an Angel, anything.....I need someone to talk to, a shoulder that I can cry one, paws to hold me and a voice that can sooth my pain........I need a miracle, a Saint, a savior....I just wish that for once in my life I can be happy...that I can make myself happy for a change instead of making others happy all the time. I know it may sound selfish, but I need a little happiness once in a blue moon.....
I just don't know where this is going now, I am trying not to cry but the tears have already begun to sting my eyes and dampen my fur....For now I think I am truly a broken man.......