All my life with All my love 3/?
Title : All my life with All my love 3/?
Pairing Broken! KiHae, KyuChul, HoMin, YunHae friendship
Rating PG
Summary: Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option… That's something that Donghae has finally realized for himself.
Disclaimer If I owned Suju, I wouldn´t be writing fanfiction
Author Note: I know this is a short and a really unworthy update after all the wait I made you all go through but things happen and the muses have taken a long vacation for some inexplicable reason...
All my life with All my love 3
Kibum walked through the now empty apartment and he noticed that there were moving boxes already piled up in the bedroom Donghae had started sleeping alone in. He picked up the note on top of one of the boxes.
Kibum-ah,
I'm really sorry I wasn't able to take everything away tonight, I'll drop by this week while you're at work. Take care of yourself Bummie,I made all your favourite side dishes and put them in containers, you just need to make the rice. Really I'm sorry for being this weak-minded, I know that I promised to stick with you through thick and thin, but I'm more useless and weak than I'd thought, and I can't. I thought my love would be enough to live on for the both of us, but it seems that I don't have all that much confidence to last a lifetime like this. I'm really, really sorry.
-Lee Donghae
"You are pretty useless aren't you Hae-ah -- why are YOU apologizing for something that isn't your fault?" Kibum told the empty room, perhaps thinking that Donghae would hear it somehow.
Donghae had been a friend who'd seen him at his lowest point, when Heechul had accepted Kyuhyun and had rejected him as a result. Donghae had wiped the tears from his eyes and had offered a warm embrace without expecting anything in return.
Kibum was the one who first suggested that they date, he'd thought that someone as warm and loving as Donghae would help him forget about his unrequited love for Heechul. He'd been able to fool himself that he was warm and loving towards Donghae but deep inside there was a voice that kept telling him he was being selfish keeping Donghae as an option while he was everything for Donghae.
He'd known that was the case from the start, that Donghae saw no one but him and loved no one more than him. He always smiled for him even through tears. Loved him more than even his dream. That he'd left the dream he'd come to Seoul for as a child, all for him, all so that he could stay by him. Dancing would have made him leave Kibum behind and he'd foregone it so that he'd stay by his side. That was how much Donghae had loved Kibum and Kibum had known it from the start.
Kibum grabbed a picture that Donghae had forgotten to pack, a picture where it showed just how dysfunctional a couple they were. Donghae was looking at him with a small, melancholic smile that somehow expressed just how much love he had pent up inside for him, Kibum himself though lying on Donghae's leg was looking at the far off figures of Heechul and Kyuhyun, not noticing the hands that played lovingly with his hair.
He had been unable to stop gravitating towards Heechul, even as a child who'd known only how to follow his beautiful hyung through silly escapades that made sense only when you're at the age where make-believe is still more real than reality. Somehow even as an adult he'd never been able to free himself from the pull and every time that he saw Heechul, his heart would rip a little. Every time he helped Heechul reconcile with Kyuhyun he felt his soul despair. Why was he like this? He'd never would have thought that he'd be a masochist in regards to love, that was for innocent, too nice fools like Donghae who never appreciated their own worth.
From a masochist apparently he'd become a sadist too, because he knew that Donghae suffered because of him as much as he himself did over Heechul, and as the old adage goes misery loves company too. It had made him feel that he controlled something after all, he controlled Donghae's smiles and his tears and he'd enjoyed it in a sick and twisted way. Every day he swore that he'd make it up to Donghae that the next day he'd bring only joy and happy tears, that he'd let go of the past and focus on the happiness that he could have in the present. And the next day the twisted cycle begins again.
Yes, it was good that Donghae had left, he'd finally be free from Kibum who had only known how to cause pain without thinking. Kibum laid down on the bed that still had Donghae's scent. Yes. This turn of events was for the best. But if it was, why were tears rolling down his face?
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yes this is quite short... really sorry!