Remember When (Donghae/Eunhyuk, PG13)

[sujuexchange]

Title: Remember When
Author: sichulonly
Recipient: ms_awkward
Characters/Pairings:Focus: Donghae & Eunhyuk. Minor: Kangteuk, Sichul, Yoosu, soulmates!Jaechun & Kyumin.
Rating: PG-13
Genre(s): Life. Romance.
Warnings: Boys love. Profanity.
Author's Note: 9,692 words. The recipient has 3 prompts; I chose - bird’s drop on my shoulder.

Synopsis: Every little thing - simple occurrences to complicated matters that were bound to anyone. In those far off days, when Eunhyuk glanced, there - instead of his own shadow - was Lee Donghae. The pages were less dull, despite the captures were simply in black and white. More than just a little, a breakage came too fast, seemingly to last for a lifetime.

Remember When

Everything started shortly (after his father found out that his mother had left him with his maternal grandparents to be with her new lover) when Eunhyuk moved to Seoul to live with his father… and his father’s new spouse (who was named Jungsu, but his weird father called him Teukie, short for Eeteuk). At first, still missing the life he had grown accustomed to in the countryside, a frown marked his youthful face even when life with them was enjoyable because Eeteuk-the exact opposite from all the ugly, evil stepmothers portrayed by fairy tales-made a habit of spoiling him since their first meeting, when he entered the household that gradually expanded by Jungsu’s relatives. However, he didn’t really mind, since his father was very much happy-evidenced by those shining crescents and pearls that he had almost forgotten that his father could possess had photographs of his father in his teen years and when his father held him as a toddler not been so well kept by his grandparents, since everyone got his own room in this 3-story house and rarely would they see each other outside of the dining room for Eunhyuk rather stayed in his room if he could.

In his spare time-since it was just the start of his summer-he often came up with many theories as to why his father would give Jungsu that name. Slowly, each of them were crossed out till only a few remained. On one summer afternoon with him sitting on the porch in their backyard after their outdoor dinner was over with, after sinking his teeth into the sweet taste of watermelon while small talks from others and laughs from his parents caressed his ears, he chose. It was because Jungsu knew not how to be subtle, knew not of what he should be doing or how to even if he had spent weeks on planning how to rip that cocoon off Eunhyuk. No, this was far from an insult-a compliment, actually-for Eeteuk had now fully become dazzling to him too-like father, like son, he would’ve added if he hadn’t noticed about his father’s jealous personality when it came to Eeteuk. Even Eunhyuk himself wasn’t sure exactly how or when that day or what exactly it was that made him broke the invisible shield he had been holding desperately onto, but some fuzzy details were better left unfocused on when the large picture was already in fitting shape.

Each following day of that summer, nothing of the extraordinary happened-he breathed and he looked, allowing little by little the warmth of those around him to seep in more than just skin deep. A memory he couldn’t forget was the day he received his first semi professional camera, a week before the Chilseok festival (a traditional Korean holiday) when his father announced that he would be out for a whole week with Eeteuk to make up for their honeymoon period that had abruptly shortened-as if in apology. He didn’t mind, really, since Jungsu’s relatives were there to accompany him: people taking turn to cook and his share was to clean the dishes.

It was a few weeks after all of Eeteuk’s relatives-whose faces Eunhyuk could no longer recall-left that Eunhyuk began to play with the camera, shooting anything in the view of his lens. When he got a little better-skills really grew from experiences-his lens fell on people. From the way they acted whenever they felt at ease to the little things they did whenever they thought no one was looking fascinated him, for a while, and only for a while. It became disgusting…. Sometimes his finger couldn’t move: then his body, too, numbed by the horrendous sight repeating itself on his screen-distinctively clearer. And when his camera dropped, flickering on and off-on and off-just like the scene that still continued a few feet below his hidden place, he walked away with emptied hands and a stopped heart.

Entering Jr. high school, he met Kim Junsu, brother to Kim Jaejoong-the most sought after (and weird) music teacher of their school. He didn’t want to have friends, not really, Eeteuk was more than enough company, but Kim Junsu was… just the type who pushed himself into another’s life and made a comfortable place for himself. It was just the first week after their meeting that Junsu came to stay over for the weekend at his house-and completely won Eeteuk over before he got picked up by Jaejoong, who soon became Eeteuk’s unofficial cooking teacher. Needless to say, the Kim brothers earned their roles as his guardians in less than two months. Even his father-no, leave his father out of this since it was just as Jaejoong who couldn’t help but state on their first picnic, “Kangin is so whipped,” when his father nearly tripped over his own feet in his rush to buy Eeteuk sunscreen to protect his fair skin from the killer sun’s beams.

“Tell us something we don’t already know,” was Junsu’s dismissive comment before his hands fell on Eunhyuk’s back, moving them away from Eeteuk and Jaejoong. “I’m ready,” Junsu began when each of them found a swing to occupy.

“Then swing yourself,” Eunhyuk pretended as his feet stepped way, way back before letting go. He wanted to fly.

“I can do that, but I don’t feel like doing that yet. And you know what I meant, so now or never. Fess up!” Junsu’s chubby limbs really didn’t match the seriousness adorning his baby face.

“Never shouldn’t have been an option, silly Duck.” It wasn’t childish-just appropriate at the moment-really, really-his tongue sticking out as his speed increased. It almost felt like flying.

“Stop calling me that, Monkey! And fine, I take that back, so tell me now!” demanded Junsu, looking as if he wanted to stop Eunhyuk’s swing but didn’t. Instead, he began to move his, as if by doing so, by trying to catch up to Eunhyuk, he would get his answer.

“I don’t want to,” confirmed Eunhyuk before he jumped off when his swing was in mid air to an ungraceful landing. It gave him ease, that fleeting feel of being freed.

“Give me a better reason than that,” Junsu’s voice was approaching him who had begun his unsteady walk, “to get me off your back.”

His quirky little smile mingled with the humid air, and he kept walking with Junsu ever so close behind. Where were they headed to when this park wasn’t that big? “Cling all you want,” he said after a while of them repeating the steps they had already taken.

And so Junsu did, clinging to him that was. Even more so when Park Yoochun-Jaejoong’s old friend-reappeared; because Yoochun was Junsu’s first love-the secret first love Junsu had buried all those years ago because Park Yoochun could only see Jaejoong, then and so on.

“Does it hurt?” Eunhuk’s lip folded beneath his teeth, eyes in a repetition of flitting from the magazine he pretended to be reading and Junsu whose head nested comfortably in his lap. “To love?”

“No,” he answered, but the tears trailing down his cheeks spoke another tune, “not when it can’t stop, not even for a moment.”

His fingers were itching to smear away the drying lines on those baby cheeks. It really didn’t suit Junsu-this broken, un-attentive look. But he didn’t-his fingers were twisting up the pages more than the twisted situation that rudely bumped into them on a winter day. “You’ll need your energy for the flight tomorrow.” He whispered, “I should go,” but still there was no sign of moving. Since when did he become so much like Junsu?

“Don’t!” It was funny how Junsu could be so decisive and demanding when it was him and his unimportant action, while so lenient on things that truly mattered-like his feeling about Jaejoong and Yoochun’s engagement, like his feeling about going to a foreign country to suit Yoochun’s business ideal.

“I don’t want to have anything to do with you anymore,” he commented absent-mindedly, a warm hand smacking Junsu’s forehead-as if scolding him for his inadequacy.

A small laugh born from Junsu’s tired face. “I feel the same,” but that was directed straight at himself, sketching for Eunhyuk-who allowed-the fine image of the most selfish person-but for just this night-because Junsu was the sun-forever shining, since and so on.

Junsu’s departure was almost too surreal, like a far off dream with its lingering promises. They did keep contact through the phone and the web, but that was only for a while. School works and family life eventually succeeded their mission of keeping them apart. But once in a while, they would hear about the other’s life. “I’m happy he’s doing well,” was one of the rare answers-reserved for only this kind of occasion because if there were no response, then there would be concerned, but if there were too much response, then there would be pity from their family members.

They missed each other, yes, definitely, for who could forget his best friend?-and in Eunhyuk’s case, his only real friend because Eeteuk was his step parent-and there were just things no one would even consider about telling his step parent, let alone actually tell-friends-like or not. The things Eunhyuk told Junsu were a lot to remember, but those things would be too less, pale in comparison if there ever was a contest between what he told his friend to what a normal person told his friend. It wasn’t that Eunhyuk was the type to enjoy keeping a secret-actually, he told Junsu almost everything-except what Junsu truly wanted to know since Junsu’s discovery about his passion for photography: why he had stopped. And it was most likely that Eunhyuk would never tell him-or anyone for that matter. There was just something better left unsaid.

To redo…. Actually, the urge to re-pick up the camera-no, more like the uncontrollable, tingling sensation spreading like a wildfire which started from the palms of his hands to every centimeter of his fingertips was chanting under his skin-came again when the snow melted in the spring of his first year in high school, at the same park he and Junsu had had their first picnic-their park-when he (in his hurry to get to the swings) stumbled (literally tripped over) on a human whose resemblance was so much like a weeping lost puppy, causing his heart to drag, producing a wailing sound as low as the string bass in motion. “I’m sorry!” he cooed panically because the smaller male had begun to bawl! “I really am!” But his pleas fell on deaf ears! Luckily, there weren’t many people around, or he might have been struck for making a kid cry-but it wasn’t the time to celebrate about that, for this kid really had strong lungs-maybe he could grow up to be a singer?

With a desperately hopeless look, he just sat there (because there was no visible scar on the kid-he checked twice, mattered not how nearly impossible it was with the kid’s ball-like position), and every now and then he would pat the kid’s back-as if that would soothe him-in his wait for the tears to end.

When there were only hiccups left because the tears now no longer flowing, Eunhyuk offered the kid a small smile when he glanced at him with those shy and uncertain gaze.

“…You… didn’t leave,” were the first gentle words slipping from those lips hidden away by the skinny, clothed arms.

“I couldn’t have,” he corrected, staring straight into the depth of those eyes that were slightly covered by silky long bangs-not blinking until the other did and looked away, as if embarrassed. “So….”

“…Yes?” the kid mumbled, still not looking at him.

“You owe me an explanation,” he was still watching the boy, guessing the height of his nose bridge to steer himself from counting those long eyelashes. ‘He can be a model, if all else failed.’

“…Right,” he acknowledged, but he didn’t continue.

“Now is a good time,” hinted Eunhyuk, not really knowing why he was wasting his time here when Eeteuk had hot cocoa waiting at home for him.

Sparing him a quick glance, the boy looked away-this time with a hint of pink adorning his pale cheeks. “…I’m… abandoned.”

“…What?!” Even if he was in utter disbelief, somehow he wasn’t loud. “…Abandoned? As in left alone?”

“…Cold,” he turned back to look at Eunhyuk, his eyes softening, pleading, making Eunhyuk’s throat dry.

But he acknowledged that with a nod before he removed his second coat, placing it over the boy’s tiny form. “Better?”

A pregnant stillness, and then a shrug.

“How… how long…?” Eunhyuk no longer looked at him, not wanting to make the other feel judged.

“Several hours,” his tone was casual, but there was a hint of bitterness.

“Then…” his eyes fluttered towards him for a moment, eyebrows coming together as he carefully examined the boy’s clothes… which were new, brand-named clothings…. “…Maybe you’re….” he let that trail because there were so many types of people in this world anyway. “…Umm… Tell you what: I’ll wait with you some more, and if night falls and no one has come for you, then we’ll go to the police.”

“I don’t like the police station,” he stated as a matter of factly, “I’m not some wallet you found,” his eyes became angry, “so…so go away if you’re going to bring me there!”

“…I didn’t mean for it to come out like that,” he tried to reason, “but where else would you go…?”

“Take me with you,” his eyes were absolute, causing the words to slip to the back of Eunhyuk’s mind for a while.

When they came back, and Eunhyuk registered them, confusion wasn’t the only word that appeared. “…You’re crazy!”

Tilting his head a little, the trace of a smile was predictable from the movements of those cherubic cheeks. “…Are you scared?”

“Logically,” he countered, biting back: Even if you look harmless, there’s no guarantee.

The boy’s eyes became eclipses as laughter erupted from his smaller body.

What was so funny? Eunhyuk had to refrain from asking because clearly this boy must be a lunatic or something… well, not sane. “Shut up.”

Eunhyuk’s voice wasn’t angry, but that did drown the other’s laughter. “Please don’t get angry. I can explain. No, I should start with my name-Donghae. I’m Lee Donghae,” his hand extended, exposing the quirkiness of his smile that turned into a pout (because Eunhyuk wasn’t taking his hand), “You see, my friend has a crush on my sibling, so he wanted me to hook them up. And I can’t really break his heart, so, in short, if someone will pick me up, then I must set them up for it’s ‘fated’ for the-” Rising to his feet because Eunhyuk had heard enough, he didn’t expect the kid to grab onto his pants’ leg, stabling him in place, “Don’t go!”

“Why shouldn’t I?! Because you’re not finished making a fool out of me?” His eyes were fierce, stabbing the poor kid (who became much smaller from his full height) with the kicked-very kicked-puppy eyes….

In the end, needless to say that he had remained, and somehow (yeah, somehow only happened when those cute eyes and charming words were ignored) got convinced into forming a friendship with the strange kid. But he figured that he would only see the weirdo at this park-because he had made sure to take several detours on his way home that evening-so what happened here, stayed here.

That was until he met him again in his school-when school resumed-because that kid was so his age and so in his class and so sat next to him because Eunhyuk’s last name began with K and his was L! Thus, there was no way out of eating lunch with him and (definitely the kid who he’d made the bet with because on his lunch box there were stickers of pink skulls due to the fact that Donghae’s sibling-Heechul-was into it right now) his buddy, Choi Siwon (who for some unknown reason to Eunhyuk was staying with Donghae’s family).

By the start of his second high school year, Eunhyuk was getting used to having Donghae’s replacing his shadow because what other choice did he have when the other would use his kicked puppy eyes-which Eunhyuk was a sucker for and he wouldn’t deny it-if he was told to stay away?

“It’s because Siwon ignores everyone when Heechul-hyung’s around. I can’t be with them anymore than I must, or I will go crazy, or develop some new, incurable disease because of their increasing ‘happiness’ that Heechul-hyung still refuses to see,” was Donghae’s answer when Eeteuk’d asked/teased him why he was slowly morphing into Eunhyuk’s second Junsu in the late beginning stage of their friendship-when it wasn’t normal yet for Kangin and Eeteuk to see his face almost as much as they would see their son-when Eunhyuk’s parents had yet to meet the most talked about couple-Sichul.

That all changed after one summer evening, when Donghae was told to bring his family over if he ever wanted to set foot inside their house again because it was time-Eeteuk felt-to meet the possible future in-laws-but he never said that out loud-okay, to Kangin, he did, but not to Eunhyuk.

“You said he has a brother,” Kangin hissed to Eunhyuk as he stared at the two people sitting across from him, flirting with each other for they just introduced themselves before they made themselves at home… at ease by talking with each other…again-definitely Donghae’s life.

“I thought their introduction was pretty clear, but since you’ve gone senile: the pretty one is Heechul-hyung and the one with the cross necklace is Siwon,” Eunhyuk half-heartedly provoked, already feeling bored because Donghae (that suck-up) was cooking in the kitchen with Eeteuk-where Eunhyuk was banned since he almost burned down the house once, trying to cook Kangin and Eeteuk’s their anniversary breakfast with Junsu-who so did not inherit Jaejoong’s fabulous cooking skill.

“So… how do we get them apart?” questioned Kangin after a few minutes rolled by because this house got a ‘no tv when there are guests unless the guests want to’ rule.

He spared his father a look before he picked up a magazine and gave him one too. “You can’t. Unless you’re nature. Or if you’re okay with not having a head on your body, which I’m sure Eeteuk won’t be pleased with, then be my guest.”

“Smartass,” grumbled Kangin, swatting away the Life magazine.

“Eeteuk!” he began, “Daddy is-” completely forgetting how childish his father could be, smacking his face with a cushion to shut him off; whereas the couple not too far away just spared them a glance in their continuous chat because seeing a father and son having cushions war wasn’t of interest at all.

When Donghae stuck his head out from the swinging door that separated the kitchen and living room, announcing dinner was about to begin, it was their cue to help-and even Sichul insisted on setting the table, not only earning his parents’ approval but also erasing the line between just guests and possible future friends.

And becoming friends was a definite the moment Eeteuk discovered Heechul’s passion for shopping, and Siwon-believed it or not-got Kangin to go to church that coming Sunday.

“Why me too?” was all a weary eyed Eunhyuk could murmur with his head supported by the bleacher’s head in front-row and row away from where Siwon and Kangin sat-Eeteuk, him and Donghae were seated at the very end, near the exit of the church that was in session.

“Because....” But Donghae left it at that when his narrowed eyes landed on him.

“Because we’re family,” continued Eeteuk, his right hand running up and down Eunhyuk’s back-like a mother gently washing the baby for the first time.

And because they were a family, Eunhyuk soon found himself and most of his Sunndays booked-because Heechul and Eeteuk needed another’s opinion if they ever came to a disagreement-which was rarely there since their taste in fashion was so in tune with each other that it got scary at times. But it wasn’t all that bad when next to him was Donghae, who was suffering too with hurting feet due to the lack of places to sit down on after being dragged from store to store.

When they got lucky-meaning that their divas wanted to talk in private-they would be left in the arcade section where the DDR determined who would break the news that they would appreciate it if they could get their Sundays back to their shopping maniacs and church lovers. That news, however, never really made it as high as their own high scores they kept beating-actually, it never could even come out-not when there were the serene looks coming from the church goers, and not when they got new (and very fashionable) clothes after every shopping trip.

“Your ties suggested that you two must be really close friends,” started an underclassman-the freshmen’s sweetheart: Jessica-one school day in the hallway leading to the library, after she had asked if she could talk to him for a second, “you and Lee Donghae.”

The lunch bell just rang a moment earlier, and most people were heading to the cafeteria or were already there-like Donghae and Siwon who were saving his seat at their usual table. “My parent and his sibling are shopping friends.”

“That means you must know him well too,” she smiled bashfully, ducking her head a little to look at her shoes; the hands behind tucked her back were probably as nervous as her whole demeanor.

“We are friends,” he admitted softly, as if to encourage her to continue.

“Please….” An envelope hesitantly emerged along with her slightly trembling hands. “…Everyone says that you’re the nicest upperclassman.” Her head slipped more until she reached the 90 degree bow. “…Please deliver this to him,” she breathed as hastily as she disappeared from his view.

In his right hand-how did it even?-no doubt-was a love letter to Donghae.

He shouldn’t have been too surprised-Donghae was the cutest in his grade-but for some reason Donghae didn’t seem to have dated anyone yet. Or maybe Donghae had but Eunhyuk was too busy to notice? Now that really didn’t make any sense because Donghae breathed most of his air… so it was impossible for Donghae to date without his knowing… right?

“If you’re planning to starve yourself, then do so when it’s not the food we had to wait to get for you,” Donghae pointed, getting very concerned of seeing a spaced out Eunhyuk playing with the food he had purposely picked for him to not decrease anymore of their lunch time together than the already gone minutes of this day when Eunhyuk’d decided to spend on “finding his way.”

“Please exclude me,” immediately clarified Siwon-even before Eunhyuk looked at him in search for his help because a snappy Donghae wasn’t really one anyone could possibly deal with alone. “I’m sorry, but I already did my share before you got here.” And just like that he checked out with a salute, praying for Eunhyuk even before he picked up his half eaten plate.

“I did say I’d be late,” he didn’t know why he was explaining, was beginning to be nervous (enough to not look at him even) when this was… just Donghae…. “The library is far from here. And I didn’t count on getting lost.”

“It’s a 10 minutes walk,” Donghae reasoned, totally clueless about the displeased signs that were appearing on his own face, “on one long sidewalk, our sophomore Eunhyuk.”

“…Donghae,” he suppressed a sigh as he turned to look at him, “did…” to see-besides from the ugliness of a mean nature covering the usually smiling Donghae-a confused and almost pained expression, “did something happen?”

“No.” His eyebrows came closer together. “Why would you think that? And if there were, I shouldn’t even tell you because you don’t want to tell me where you really were. Why are you so mean?”

“…I told you that I was really-was our Donghae worried about me?” A grin washed over his once blank face, eyes smiling a little too.

Donghae normally wasn’t the shy type when it came to being truthful-but why so were there heats warming up his cheeks as he nodded? “It’s only natural,” he responded, eyeing the left hand of Eunhyuk that was just lying there between them. “What if something happened to you,” he briefly glanced up, “you know, since you’re careless most of the time?”

“Silly,” Eunhyuk decided to forgive even that insult too, knowing how Donghae was getting more and more limited with his words as he spent time with Heechul-whose personality and pride didn’t allow much gentle words to exist. “I’ve my parents and grandparents to answer to; I won’t be gone that easily. Okay?”

“That’s not very assuring,” mumbled Donghae, a drunken hand grasping Eunhyuk’s to hold back: what about me?

“Don’t doubt your elder.” Why was Donghae’s hand slightly shaking? But that moment passed quickly to be taken seriously.

“How many times have I reminded you that a mere 6 months won’t give you the title Hyung?” mocked Donghae: the hand of his that was entwining with Eunhyuk’s was burning, but he dared not to grasp Eunhyuk’s anymore tighter, not wishing for Eunhyuk to pull away. ‘This is absurd. It’s not….’ he stopped himself immediately for it really was the first time ever they were holding hands like this… just like the way lovers’ hands aligned together.

Eunhyuk’s reply came in the form of a long, dreary glare, remembering sometimes ago they had only once come across this very topic-which had brought them straight into a deadlock after many hours of pointless reasoning. He, honestly, right now couldn’t handle feeling anymore uncomfortable with Donghae than he already had since…. Breaking his glare to pull out the envelop from his pocket and breaking the contact of their hands, “Before I forget,” he calmly stated despite the uneasiness climbing up his stomach again, “this is for you,” before he picked up the napkins and utensils, placing them on his plate.

“What’s in it?” Donghae’s voice-laced with confusion-trailed after him who was walking towards the trashcan to empty the plate.

“Find out for yourself,” he mumbled as he came back, putting on his messenger bag to make it seem like he was occupied, enough to not being able to spare Donghae a glance, “You’re not a child anymore.”

“Don’t make fun of me, I’m growing,” he wanted to scoff Eunhyuk but held it back because Eunhyuk’s back seemed deflated, desolated in his stride to get away from him. ‘What did I do to make him want to get away from me?’ Donghae unconsciously bit his lip as more and more of his dramatic analyzation popped up, each worse than the previous, watering the knot in his stomach to grow. Having enough of the junks his mind couldn’t keep to itself, ‘This is getting ridiculous,’ he snapped a few minutes later, crushing the envelop in his hand accidentally. “It’s just an envelop,” he took a deep breath before he tore it opened, “not death.”

Definitely, not death: Inside were a concert ticket and a typed note.

I like you, Lee Donghae.

Since the first time our eyes crossed.

Everyday this feeling is growing.

It only grows.

I was stupid. I didn’t have courage before.

Attached is a concert ticket to the band that you like.

If you go, it means you’ve accepted. If you don’t… I can understand too.

It was love-a confession.

And it was from Eunhyuk!

“Idiot,” was followed by the widest grin he could have had. Needless to say he was walking more tipsy than this world’s drunkest man and there were countless crazily embarrassing things that he did and said that day-from dancing and singing and acting like a mad man every ten minutes (yes, even in the only class they had left with a teacher [who fortunately for him was the type that really didn’t care what was going on in the classroom] because most of their time after lunch was self-study) to non-stop staring and complimenting Eunhyuk to stalking Eunhyuk more so than usual and getting way into more of Eunhyuk’s personal space (which earned him some pushes and irritation from Eunhyuk, but Donghae figured Eunhyuk was just shy)-all the while with that never fading smile still attached.

The next time the word “idiot” escaped his mouth, it was directed at his own self-for being too caught up inside his own illusion-enough so to not notice the crystal clear signs that had been trying to pull him off from his high.

“Why didn’t you tell me?!?” he hissed the moment he entered Eunhyuk’s room: his hands were fisted; his face distorted; his livid eyes searched for Eunhyuk who should be under the cover or something according to Eeteuk who he had brushed off in his ire.

“What ar-?” Disbelief was written all over Eunhyuk’s face the moment it came out from under the cover to see Donghae dressed so stylishly-more so than usual.

“Was it fun tricking me?!” he questioned not so softly as he made his way closer towards where Eunhyuk was.

Maybe that was today-no wonder Donghae wasn’t here when he woke up. “…Please, spare me the details,” Eunhyuk mumbled as he tucked his head back under the cover, not wanting to see Donghae looking so unfriendly towards him as much as not wanting to hear Donghae’s fun time with his new girlfriend.

“I asked,” Donghae breathed forcefully with a hint of tiredness, “did you have fun tricking me?!”

“…What trick are you talking about?” His bed moved a little, indicating that Donghae’s legs were pressed against the mattress of his bed, indicating that Donghae was just right above his head. Donghae’s voice and cologne-he must have really liked her to put on cologne that strong, but it wasn’t something he didn’t already know judging how chirpy Donghae had acted that day after receiving the envelop-seeped into his air.

“That letter wasn’t-”

“Was from Jessica! I know already! You don’t have tell me twice! I was the one who delivered that to you! I remember, so spare me the details!” he hastily spat, turning to his left side so that his back would face Donghae. But it wasn’t like it matter anyway, he was under the cover, so Donghae couldn’t possibly see-no, there was no reason for Donghae to see anything or to feel any of these crazy nonsense that was invading his mind-any of these un-comfortableness that was hugging his body-damn it! He was just sick, that was all and no more! Fuck! His head felt like it would crack! These constant chit chats that wouldn’t stop treading on his mind about Donghae and that girl and whatever else! He couldn’t fucking care less because he didn’t even want to fucking feel any of it to begin with-goddamned it all! He swore if Donghae wouldn’t drop this-he would go ballistic-popped like an overly inflated balloon!

Taken aback by Eunhyuk’s sudden outburst, Donghae’s anger briefly left him, but its return was prevented the very moment the vivacity of Eunhyuk’s trembling form caught his attention. “Hyukkie,” his voice was back to normal, sounding overly concerned and gentle and all that that made it uniquely Lee Donghae’s when the subject was Eunhyuk.

“He hasn’t been feeling well all day,” Eeteuk’s voice interrupted Donghae (whose hesitation of reaching out to pull Eunhyuk’s blanket away was freeing him), startling them both, and yet Eunhyuk still remained clothed from view. “Perhaps you should… go?” Telling Donghae to leave Eunhyuk left a bitter taste on his mouth, but maybe it was because Leeteuk was their not-so-secret shipper.

“That would be unacceptable.” There was no hesitation from Donghae, and Eeteuk had to push the glee away from his eyes, not wanting to scare Donghae more so than trying to keep his adult image. “If you don’t mind,” he was indicating about the tray in Eeteuk’s hands, which Eeteuk instantly handed over and left with a smile.

The clink sound of the tray settling against the wood of his table echoed in the silence of their breathing, but it was the footsteps after the sound of closing door that made the anticipation within Eunhyuk became more opaque.

“I have all day,” Donghae began as Eunhyuk felt the dent of Donghae’s weight on his bed, “to wait for you to see me.”

Suppressing a “why” because it would have been unnecessary, because Donghae’s words had made it clear that his worry was intangible to begin with much less to continue, he pushed away the blanket, sitting up.

“You’re always like this,” Donghae, reaching for the medicine on the tray, didn’t sound too pleased, but the smile on Donghae’s face didn’t disappear when Donghae’s eyes caught Eunhyuk’s stare. “Just gulp them down.” His bony right hand was holding the pills while the left hand held the cup of water. “Don’t tell me you want ice-cream.”

“…Don’t tease the sick,” grumbled Eunhyuk as he did what Donghae had suggested-wincing at the bitter taste of the medicine like a child that was.

“Isn’t it more of a reason to? You can’t possibly chase me in your condition,” Donghae laughed softly as Eunhyuk handed him back the empty cup.

“I’m not invalid,” Eunhyuk answered, still looking at Donghae as if he needed to etch all of the Donghae in front of him into memory-because Donghae looked so mature right now.

“Then eat up your porridge before it gets cold,” demanded Donghae, and before Eunhyuk could respond, in front of his face was a spoon full of pork porridge with rising steams.

Less than five minutes later, there on the tray was the empty bowl to match the empty cup.

“Donghae,” called Eunhyuk when Donghae reached for the tray, stopping Donghae whose gaze came back to him.

“I’m not leaving,” Donghae was not reassuring Eunhyuk, he was reminding Eunhyuk to not say unpleasant thing to disrupt the peace they had accomplished over the bowl of porridge.

“You’ll regret this,” he was referring to Donghae’s catching this weird illness of his.

“It’s my choice.” Donghae’s eyes darkened a bit, making Eunhyuk believe for a second that Donghae knew that they were having another conversation all together-the other conversation that was within this simple conversation, the one he was certain that he was the only one in awareness of.

He blinked, but their gazes still couldn’t be disconnected-Donghae didn’t allow it to.

“Move over.” Because Donghae was tired-more tired than Eunhyuk could ever have known because Eunhyuk wouldn’t push him away like now if Eunhyuk did, because Eunhyuk was kind from their very beginning-his selfishness was allowed to breathe.

When Eunhyuk complied, Donghae dropped on his bed, still in nice clothes and all, got under his cover, and pulled him down all in that instant-making it impossible for him not to crash onto Donghae’s chest. But he couldn’t complaint, not when those long skinny arms wrapped themselves around the small of his back.

“Cold.” Donghae’s murmur floated atop Eunhyuk’s shampoo scented head.

And a small, awkward-unfitting like the stage of adolescence-laugh-more accurately, a giggle-followed.

“They are changing as their feelings grow. It is nothing to be in worry of,” Eeeteuk reassured Kangin that night, after having slipped into Eunhyuk’s room to check on the two who were deeply buried within the thickness of Eunhyuk’s blanket, limbs lacing together like their breaths in the air.

But such a bold statement was always easier to say than to be carried out:

“I think the worrying applies to you more than me,” Kangin couldn’t help but point out as he held Eeteuk securely in his arms, preventing Eeteuk from running after the departing bus Eunhyuk and Donghae were on.

“It’s safer if I drove them,” he informed Kangin, who was smiling and all at the two who were waving back at them from the back window of the bus. “Why didn’t they let me drive them? God forbids-buses aren’t safe. Buses often get hijacked.”

“Eeteuk,” Kangin sighed, but it was full of happiness from its start to end, “that situation only happened in Hong Kong’s movies. We’re not in movies but in real life, in Korea-and it has never happened before.”

“But th-”

“Stop worrying.” Kangin turned Eeteuk around to face him. “I promise nothing is going to happen to them.”

And nothing did. They arrived back to Kangin’s hometown safe and sound-confirmed by the phone call Eeteuk had made them promise to give after stepping off the bus-even before Eunhyuk and Donghae could greet Eunhyuk’s grandparents-whom they would be staying with for a whole week.

“Do you like it here?” For some unreasonable reason Donghae’s opinion of this place that mattered to him was necessary.

“Ummph.” Glancing up at Eunhyuk who was sitting from Donghae’s lying position, his smile was as brightly as the stars shining and glowing moon above their heads. “It feels better than the planetarium we went to last year.”

“It’s the breeze.” Eunhyuk decided to look away, up towards the stars, not knowing it was already too late-Donghae’s happiness was already coating his skin.

“Or the mosquitoes,” Donghae laughed, and not long after, the sound of a smack ensued in the windy night atop the hill.

“Do you want to go back?” Eunhyuk looked at him once again.

“Not at all.” Donghae’s eyes were smiling too. “Unless you want to.”

“In a bit,” he answered, eyes departing from Donghae’s-afraid that Donghae could read him even clearer under this light.

“I’m glad we can see the same view.” Donghae meant that in all its meanings as he spontaneously pulled Eunhyuk to lie down next to him. “Don’t you agree?”

Even if his eyes were in glaring mode, the happiness was still there-in every molecule of it all.

And Donghae knew it only too well as he started to point at the constellations up in the sky, making up stories or singing random songs at one point or another.

Their hands, like knots, were bound together on their walk back to Eunhyuk’s grandparents’ traditional home where they would be sharing Eunhyuk’s old room, but neither of them really questioned why-nor did Eunhyuk’s grandma who just kindly bid them goodnight and reminded them to pull the mosquito net all the way down.

“Do you miss your bed?” questioned Eunhyuk when they lay side by side, under the same blanket atop the futon.

“Don’t be silly. This is a nice change,” replied Donghae, lying on his left side to face Eunhyuk.

“Just don’t blame me when your back aches tomorrow,” mumbled Eunhyuk, coming to his right side so that he could face Donghae too.

“I’ll never blame you,” Donghae whispered back, a content smile adorning his face.

“Somehow that isn’t reassuring.” Eunhyuk lay back on his back, eyes staring at the ceiling instead of Donghae’s dark, dark eyes.

“You sound grumpy. That’s it, Mister; it’s time for your sleep.” And just like that Donghae pulled the cover a little more over Eunhyuk, but his hand that was used to pull the cover up never retreated even after the task was accomplished. “Goodnight.”

“Night,” he returned, and a moment later: “Thank you, Donghae.”

“Don’t say that to me,” it almost sounded like he was begging, “ever,” even if it was clearly a command.

Only Donghae could manage such a thing and still not chased away the pleasantness between them-or it had to do with his drowsiness piling up within him after a long day of travel and fun. Whatever it was though, it really didn’t matter when he slipped away with Donghae right next to him-with Donghae’s breaths matching his.

And when his eyes reopened, Donghae still remained with him, breathing slowly, peacefully in his slumber, almost like the growing period of a flower-them together, sharing the same futon-and him (somewhere along the night) tucked within Donghae’s limbs, half of his upper body pressing tightly against Donghae’s, as the soft sound of Donghae’s beating heart murmured everything and nothing to him.

That serenity, however, lasted until the door was jerked apart by none other but the matured face of his sandbox friend-Lee Sungmin.

“You lied,” confronted Sungmin, but there wasn’t a trace of malice-not with that smile coloring his youthful face anyway-when they found a place by the creek to sit after Eunhyuk brushed up.

The water, like many years before, was humming as its coolness washed over their bear feet. He had yet to take Donghae here-where the waterfall with clear pond was minutes from. “I did no such thing.”

“It won’t do you any good to prolong this.” Sungmin didn’t have to look to know that Eunhyuk’s eyes were glancing at him-questions filled. “Our only promise. And I can understand why you forgot, but it doesn’t mean I won’t hold you to it.”

Needless to say Sungmin’s words were glued to Eunhyuk’s mind since, taking half of his attention away, or enough for him to not notice the bird’s drop on his shoulder until Donghae (who looked like he had just woken up) pointed out when Eunhyuk came back before lunch alone because Sungmin had promised some kid by the name of Kyuhyun this lunch.

“That doesn’t sound safe,” expressed Eunhyuk after his grandpa told them that the bathhouse was under reconstruction and the pond he had thought about taking Donghae to was their bath source now-except for his grandmother who used the neighbor’s bath-but that shouldn’t be a problem since they were guys.

“If you’re scared, bathe with Donghae,” suggested Grandpa with a shrug, standing on the inside of the gate to the house, “And remember we wash clothes by hands, so don’t bother with bathing suites.”

“Grandpa!” he bellowed incredulously.

And Eunhyuk pretty much would appreciate it if Donghae stopped staring at him who certainly knew how colorful his face had become-any time now!

“You know, it’s only courteous for the leader to look back at his follower to make sure he’s still leading someone,” teased a smiling Donghae after a few moment of trailing behind Eunhyuk whose pace would quicken whenever he was uncomfortable.

“I don’t have to look back when it’s you.”

And the confidence in that statement of Eunhyuk brought Donghae the courage to discard all the hesitations his mind kept coming up with to not grab onto Eunhyuk’s hand. “But that does not excuse you from not looking at me-much less your shyness.”

“Okay, I officially refuse to understand you,” replied Eunhyuk, but he didn’t pull his hand away from Donghae’s as their destination became clearer.

“And I veto it!” Donghae tried to spring that stubborn him around with Donghae’s free hand wrapping around his waist.

“You’re not allowed.” Eunhyuk-still in Donghae’s hold, still not looking at Donghae’s face-shook his head as a smile adorned his lips.

“Oh?” It never could be a good sign when Donghae sounded amused. “Then I guess I will just kiss you now.”

“What…?!” Although that wasn’t what Donghae wanted to hear, at least that got Eunhyuk to look up at a not so joking him.

“Kiss you. Lips to lips. Yours against mine. Sounds good, right?” Donghae continued, licking his lips to emphasize, to conceal his nervousness.

Maybe he should smack Donghae with these clean clothes because Donghae was losing his sanity and showing signs that he wanted to make Eunhyuk loose his too. Or how else could it be explained when he was still reeking in bird’s shit, but Donghae didn’t seem to care, held him too close, and asked for a kiss with such seriousness? Romance? Not likely, no. Impossible. This was him and Donghae-thus as long as the clouds could not be collected, Donghae just couldn’t become his, no. “Stop this nonsense.” He looked away again as he pushed himself away from Donghae.

”Don’t discard my feelings at your convenience,” voiced an upset Donghae as he grabbed Eunhyuk’s arm, who wanted to walk away, possibly believing that by doing so he would feel less bad.

“I’m sorry I made you feel that way,” Eunhyuk seriously apologized, but he didn’t turn to look at Donghae, afraid he might confess: You should know by now your feelings matter the most to me.

“The wound you unintentionally made…” Donghae dragged as he came to hug Eunhyuk’s back, chin resting atop Eunhyuk’s shoulder that wasn’t tainted, “seriously hurts, so….”

Eunhyuk’s breath hitched, body stiffened, and Donghae… understood, laughing evilly that was to conceal-if not all, then some of such unwanted-awkwardness.

“Clean me.” Donghae’s tone became light again, teasing again, and unexpectedly there was a sinking feeling in Eunhyuk’s gut the moment Donghae was no longer glued to him.

Even though Eunhyuk would swear-if needed-that there was no expectation to begin with, wishing to fool his own self too. “Really now?”

“Yes, please.” beamed Donghae, enjoying the feeling of the cool water against his unclothed skin just as much as the strip show Eunhyuk wasn’t aware of giving him-not so with Eunhyuk facing the other away, no.

“I’ve taken that into consideration,” stated Eunhyuk (whose boxer was still in place) as he slowly turned to face Donghae, whose body much to his relief was submerged by the rushing water.

“And?” Donghae didn’t like to be kept waiting with the answer and nothing more-surely, surely-for he wasn’t a pervert, no.

“I must decline!” exclaimed Eunhyuk as he started to splash Donghae with water-until Donghae couldn’t take it anymore and dove completely under water, allowing to him a chance to remove his boxer without an audience.

When Donghae realized he was being tricked, it was already too late: only Eunhyuk’s head could be seen floating ever so close to his. “Clever, aren’t we?”

His answer came in the form of a tongue sticking out beneath smiling eyes, and not sparing him a second, Eunhyuk made a disappearing act, going further and further down in hope of escaping Donghae and those persistent hands of his.

“Don’t be embarrass,” Donghae found himself repeating as he put on his clothes around an hour later, “You can look at me.”

“Not interested.” For some reason that sounded so deceitful, but he just blamed it on his embarrassment as he put on fresh clothes, back facing Donghae’s back-that was.

“But that doesn’t explain why I can’t look at you.” The mischief was there, lacing with his every word.

“Lee Donghae!” And with that Donghae was able to predict exactly how much pink Eunhyuk’s body must have gained.

“Yes?” It was because Donghae liked how well the color pink matched Eunhyuk.

“Are you hungry for a knuckle sandwich!?” He was un-decisive when it came to anger or embarrassment, but this situation would most likely happen to him whenever Donghae was around.

“If it’s from you, yes.” An honest grin that came when his head turned slightly, not enough to look at the now fully clothed Eunhyuk.

“I’ll mark that off as the amount of damage that was done to Donghae’s brain after spending too much time in the sun.” he said, suppressing a sigh, as he gathered his dirty clothes.

“That’s not true.” Donghae helped too, collecting his own clothes.

“I believe so too. You’re not normal to start off with.” His smile couldn’t be held back as they began to walk back.

“Then you’re included.” He meant that Eunhyuk was counted too for becoming involved with him, in spite of all his abnormalities.

“Okay.” Eunhyuk shrugged in agreement.

“Is that all?” The sun and small breezes were ghosting over their pale, pale skins. The air of not yet summer but hardly could it be spring was enveloping them and their youthfulness.

Instead of answering, he ran off, and Donghae didn’t hesitate at all in chasing after him.

They got back to Seoul-a few days after Donghae was properly introduced to Sungmin (who randomly popped in and out throughout their time there because most likely-specifically Donghae’s speculation-Sungmin was seeing someone, but Donghae wasn’t complaining about Sungmin’s not hanging out with them)-on the same transportation they had come there with. It was late at night-Eunhyuk had fallen asleep possibly half way into the trip and was using his shoulder as a pillow, left hand resting within his-but there at the bus station that was fully lit by bright white lights were Sichul and Kangteuk, who quickly collected the two in their embraces the very moment they stepped out of the bus.

Eunhyuk was still drowsy even when they were all seated within the moving van Kangin was driving, but Eunhyuk wasn’t using his shoulder-but Eeteuk’s-for support as he tiredly answered all questions thrown at them from the others.

However, when Heechul-who was perceptive and had his own way of being kind-told him that he could stay over that night, suddenly Donghae was wide awake-even when they were in pajamas and under Eunhyuk’s scented blanket.

“Didn’t you say this bed is more comfortable than yours that you could stay in it for days?” mumbled Eunhyuk with half closed lids.

“I won’t deny that.” Donghae sounded too playful for whatever time it was.

“Then why are you not asleep now? You’re more tired than me. How can you not when you stayed up to watch us even after I told you it was okay to sleep?” Even if Donghae couldn’t see him that well under the moonlight that was seeping in from his window that was several feet away, Eunhyuk still turned the other way, so that his back was facing Donghae.

“Maybe….” And Donghae couldn’t-and wouldn’t-stop his greedy hand from reaching out to Eunhyuk then. “It’s because I like to watch you sleep.”

Because Eunhyuk really, really liked how that sounded as it rolled off Donghae’s lips, like a lullaby sending him off to his dream, he allowed his back to inch closer to Donghae as his top and bottom eyelashes came together.

The next time they were together inside Eunhyuk’s room, the atmosphere was heavy-a complete 180 degree change-and it was all emitting from the Eunhyuk who didn’t spare him a glance, too busy pretending to focus on the view outside his window. However, instead of blaming Eunhyuk, Donghae was blaming himself-even if there was a trace of happiness looming about-because he and Siwon had disappeared for a whole week without telling Eunhyuk (who-based on Eeteuk’s detailed revelation the moment he entered the doorway-had been so worried after the second day of not being able to contact them through both home and cell phones had rushed to their deserted house to abuse their doorbell every day after, had been foolish enough to ride his bike around all places they used to go to together in hope of finding them whenever school stopped every day after too, and had even got Kangteuk involved-but there wasn’t much any of them could do except to inform the useless authority the moment their case could legally be considered serious).

“Eunhyuk,” Donghae called out instead of declaring, “I’m back!” like he had wanted to all those days they couldn’t help but be apart. Right now, if Eunhyuk would just look at him or come to give him a hug-Donghae believed-he would be the happiest in this world.

But with Eunhyuk just sitting there and not looking at him who was already exhausted as the mintues rolled by, Donghae-driven by one desire after another-just made himself comfortable, face flattened against the sheet and pillow perfumed by Eunhyuk’s scent, on the bed he had missed so much more than his own.

“Get up.” Eunhyuk-whose arms were folded over his own chest and face schooled from expression-was standing within arm reach from where he lay the moment he looked up. “I just made the bed.”

“That’s far from what I wanted to hear from you.” Donghae gripped the sheet to stop himself from pulling Eunhyuk into the hug he had been wishing for. “So unromantic.”

“We don’t have that kind of relationship,” Eunhyuk rapidly pointed out, clearly not amused and a little defensive.

“Then shall we?” asked Donghae-whose face was painted by the clear color of exhaustion but more than a challenge was shimmering within his dark orbs-as his head lifted a little, chin resting atop bent right arm.

“Stop playing around,” Eunhyuk sighed with begging eyes. If Donghae kept playing with him and his emotions like this, Eunhyuk really wouldn’t know how to keep himself sane.

“Who said I’m playing around?” The seriousness that suddenly came to Donghae’s demeanor was too much-almost as if it came just to take away Eunhyuk’s air.

“Liar.” Eunhyuk couldn’t stand looking at Donghae-not because of hate but rather of his own selfishness, afraid that it would slip.

“I am,” admitted Donghae, wishing he could just grab onto Eunhyuk for support, “a liar who couldn’t tell the person I like properly that simple fact from our start.”

“Don’t tell me this!” Eunhyuk was begging. His crossing arms now becoming the weak shield that acted like a wall between them.

“Why? Why are avoiding it?! You know it’s you.” Donghae announced for the two of them. “That person I like is you. You may not know it from the start, but I know you’re not that dense to not have known after all this time.”

“…You’re thinking too highly of me.” Despite Eunhyuk more than anything wanted to act accordingly like any other whose crush returned his feeling, he couldn’t help but be difficult for he was just being careful because all of this sounded like a dream he didn’t even dare to dream of. Donghae must have been put up to this by someone, or maybe Donghae was just having a moment of crisis and there he was-as so Donghae couldn’t stop himself from getting confused. That must have been it-it just had got to be because… because a person like him-someone even his own mother would not even want to take with-really had got nothing to give to someone like Lee Donghae, no, absolutely nothing at all.

“That’s not what you should be saying now.” Donghae complained with much difficulty, as if he was swallowing his own pride just to remain there and yet to admit defeat.

“Then….” Had he looked, he would see that Donghae’s hands were tingling with need of having him, but Donghae settled with not looking at him anymore. “What brought this on?”

“I’m moving,” was all that he dared to hear before he disappeared into the bathroom, locking it as tightly as he could-as if by doing so he was capturing time and making it stay.

The day when he came out of the bathroom (despite Eeteuk’s pleas for him to eat or drink and Kangin’s threats of busting the door down after Donghae was dragged away from the bathroom door by Siwon and Heechul so they could finish packing) was a few hours before Donghae would sail off.

Aside from necessary words, the house was filled by this dreading silence and Eeteuk tried not to tell him anything concerning Donghae because what else was there to say except lies and useless words of comfort they already had given? Even pitying look was minimized, replaced by forced smiles from Eeteuk who handed him food, whereas Kangin just refused to be where he was all together because Eeteuk had begged for Kangin not to due to Kangin’s direct nature.

It was the ringing of their home phone around half an hour later that got Kangin-face upset and body in awkward motions-to seek for him. “That was your maternal grandparents. They asked if you’d want to see your mother for the last time.”

The next time a phone rang, it belonged to his cell phone, and when he dug it out from the backpack sitting on the back of the taxi’s seat where he too sat, he didn’t look at the collar ID-afraid that his courage would flee him if it was Donghae who was calling.

However, it was Sungmin, leaving his stomach less than half emptied with contentment because the disappointment was too much to be denied.

“Eunhyuk,” began Sungmin as if he could just tell by listening to Eunhyuk’s suppressed speech the very moment Eunhyuk greeted him, “I’m tired of waiting for you to remember what our promise was, so forgive me for breaking it.”

“Sungmin, don’t,” it came out transparently, like a ghost afraid of the sun, “I remember.”

“Then what are you waiting for?” Sungmin just wanted to spell it out for him. “Miracles don’t happen to fools who wait.”

And holding desperately onto Sungmin’s wish as his only source of courage, Eunhyuk-tears muffled-quickly begged the driver to drive towards the direction Donghae’s boat was, understanding fully that Donghae and he, himself, had been waiting far too long for his: I also want a future by your side, more than just your friend.

End of Remember When

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