I want you to see me
Title: I want you to see me
Rating: PG
Pairing: One sided Siwon/ Heechul, Hankyung/ Heechul.
Genre: Angst, Drama
Disclaimer: I only own the plot
Summary: What do you do when you love someone with your whole heart but they only see the one who has captured theirs?
I don’t understand. I don’t get how you can sit there smiling at the one who’s caused you so much pain. How can you let him walk all over you? How can you continue to give him your heart when all he does is break it? How can you let him touch you? How can you stand to be beside him? Maybe if we had met first it would be different. Maybe then you would look at me the way you look at him.
When I first met you I knew you were special. My heart did flips and jumps. Your eyes sparkled like the stars in the night sky. Your skin so milky white glistened under the moonlight. I love how those rosebud lips lifted on the sides when you smile. I don’t get it how could he leave such a beauty. Back then you gave me that beautiful smile as I introduced myself. Do you remember that day because I’ll never forget it?
My first thought seeing you was that god had graced me with an angel. You looked so fragile and beautiful. I felt the need to take you in my arms and protect you from the rest of the world. I did on one occasion. You just hit me playfully and smiled up at me beautifully. But as soon as he came your attention left me. You turned those beautiful brown eyes to the man who would hurt you many times.
I could be on fire next to you and you would never notice as long as he was around. It was as if you were drawn to him. When he would go your eyes would linger on the last place you saw him. I would poke or tickle you to get your attention. You would give me a hard look but then smile that beautiful smile. That smile had my heart fluttering.
I even once embraced you. You didn’t shy away. You wrapped your arms around me. You placed your head against my chest. It felt so right as if we were compatible jigsaw pieces. You sighed and snuggled closer. Could you feel it? That our hearts were beating in sync. I held you tight as if my life depended on it. You didn’t hesitate when I pulled you closer. We pulled away eyes linking with each other. You looked so sure. Your eyes sparkled as you leaned forward. I felt my insides melt when you placed a kiss on my cheek.
That memory I will always treasure. While we had great memories we also had horrible ones. Like that one time we were arguing about something so stupid. You were so annoyed and focused on yelling at me that you didn’t see the steps. I wasn’t able to get to you in time. Watching you fall was horrible. He was there luckily to catch you. You wouldn’t talk to me for weeks after that, no matter how many times I apologized.
I was sitting watching TV; I can’t even remember what it was. You just plopped into my lap. At first you didn’t pay any attention to me, only looking forward at the TV. When you shifted on my lap oh god how it drove me crazy. Where you speaking to me again or were you just doing this to torture me? After some time you got up not saying anything. Just before you completely left the room you turned to me with your famous smirk. It was your way of saying everything was alright between us.
There were times when you were completely happy and I was torn. Like the day he asked you to be his. A happy tear slid down your face as you threw yourself on him. You smiled and you kissed. I turned my head away. I should be happy that you were happy right? I could never make you smile like that could I? I promised I would be happy for you as long as you were happy.
Somehow I survived watching the two of you together. I survived watching every embrace, every kiss and every I love you. Where you indecisive? You would be in his arms but still reached out for me. You would sit on his lap but hold my hand. Was it out of habit? I once tried to get you to let go. You looked up at me with questioning brown eyes. I smiled at you and told you I was just getting something to eat. I got caught up talking with Ryeowook in the kitchen. You actually came looking for me. You made me come back to sit beside you and him.
I knew you loved him but with gestures like that I kept my hopes up. Maybe it was those small touches that kept me from going insane at the same time though they drove me mad. You loved him so why did you need me? You looked at him as if he was your sun and your sky. So why did you make me your moon in the dark night sky?
I was there the first time you fought. He slammed the door walking away. You slid down the wall pretending to be strong. I could see the tears trying to well up in your eyes. I took your hand, you didn’t shake it off. You looked up at me your brown eyes becoming shiny from unshed tears. I pulled you up and took you to your favorite place. The smell of roses was over powering. You leaned your head against my shoulder watching as the petals danced in the wind.
He was waiting for you when we got back. You didn’t waste any time and walked straight into his arms. It hurt knowing that I was just a replacement, a means of escape for you. I wanted to just leave, to walk out of your life. But doing that would kill me more than you would ever know.
That wasn’t the worst of it though. What about the time he actually left you? You had had another fight, like always you came to my room and spent the night. When morning came like always you went back to your shared room. My heart was in pain seeing you leave me again but I didn’t voice it. You would normally spend the day making up. I did start to worry when night fell and I still hadn’t seen you.
I took a deep breath before opening you door. You were sitting there on the bed, something white in your hands. I walked up to you. You didn’t move. It was like you were frozen. I took the paper from your hand. You didn’t react. I skimmed through it my eyes widening. I saw you frown as a tear slid down your soft milky white cheek. I pulled you into a tight embrace. How could he do that to you? How could he leave the person he said was his life?
You barely ate. You barely spoke. To anyone but me you acted normal. They noticed you being drawn back but didn’t say anything. I spent my days providing you with food and water that you never took. I spent my nights watching you to make sure you were okay. You barely registered me there. Like always you could only focus on him.
It was so hard for me watching you fall apart and knowing it was his fault. It felt as if you were giving up on life. Why couldn’t you see I was there? Why is it that you never saw me? I had watched over you for a month and I couldn’t take it anymore. You had become so skinny. You had lost your shine, your beautiful glow. I stood up one night prepared to leave. Your hand acted lightening fast. It curled around my own hand. I looked back at you. Your lifeless eyes met mine.
“Stay with me”
Tears rolled down your face. It was the first time you had shown emotion. We lay on your bed. I held you in my arms as you cried. I whispered sweet nothings to you. That night and the next few nights you cried yourself to sleep in my arms.
I spent my every waking hour with you. Slowly ever so slowly you started becoming the person I had fallen in love with. Your eyes were gaining their sparkle back. Your lips would poke up at the corners into that beautiful smile. In no time you were laughing like you used to. We became practically inseparable.
One night lying in bed you turned to me. My eyes locked into your glowing ones. You pressed your rosebud lips ever so softly against mine. I froze. Never had you done anything like that before. I pulled away. Did you really love me? Or were you just using me as your escape again? I kissed you. I would just have to take my chance I told myself. It seemed like you really had changed. It seemed like you really did love me. Time only made our bond stronger.
One night I invited you to your favorite place. There I was going to tell you how I felt. You looked up at me with your sparkling eyes. The wind blew causing your silky black hair to fan out. Laughing I pushed your hair out of your face. That smile came across your lips. I opened my mouth to tell you how I felt. Your eyes widened before a word even escaped my lips.
I turned around following your eyes. There he was. What was he doing here? I felt angry. I wanted to hurt him the way he hurt you. But hurting him would hurt you right? You stood up. I could only watch as once again you ran into his embrace. If we weren’t supposed to be together why did I feel this way about you? Why was I granted the ability to love you with my whole heart if it was never to be returned? What was god’s plan? Was I to wonder around forever with this unrequited love?
Now even til this day you still don’t look at me. If he hadn’t come back maybe just maybe we would be together. What can I do when your eyes only see him? What could I say to show you I would never hurt you? But if I confess I would hurt you wouldn’t I? You would feel like you had to choose between us wouldn’t you? I couldn’t make you do that. It would be him you choose. It always has been and probably always will.
Maybe if I had the courage before. Maybe if I told you while he was gone it would e me with my arms around you. Why can’t you see how I feel? I want you to see me. I want you to notice me and only me. Even now you’re in his embrace. You still reach out for me. I can see you right hand feeling around trying to find mine. Your head pokes up and looks around. Why do you smile like that when you see me? Why do your eyes light up when they meet mine? Why can’t I let you go? Why can’t I move on?
I sigh and call myself stupid. Like always I walk up to you. Your hand reaches for me. Should I take it? Wouldn’t it be better t leave now? Your look up at me eyes sparkling. I smile and take your hand. Why is it that I can’t refuse you? Ah but I know why. It’s because I love you. I love you Kim Heechul.
Rating: PG
Pairing: One sided Siwon/ Heechul, Hankyung/ Heechul.
Genre: Angst, Drama
Disclaimer: I only own the plot
Summary: What do you do when you love someone with your whole heart but they only see the one who has captured theirs?
I don’t understand. I don’t get how you can sit there smiling at the one who’s caused you so much pain. How can you let him walk all over you? How can you continue to give him your heart when all he does is break it? How can you let him touch you? How can you stand to be beside him? Maybe if we had met first it would be different. Maybe then you would look at me the way you look at him.
When I first met you I knew you were special. My heart did flips and jumps. Your eyes sparkled like the stars in the night sky. Your skin so milky white glistened under the moonlight. I love how those rosebud lips lifted on the sides when you smile. I don’t get it how could he leave such a beauty. Back then you gave me that beautiful smile as I introduced myself. Do you remember that day because I’ll never forget it?
My first thought seeing you was that god had graced me with an angel. You looked so fragile and beautiful. I felt the need to take you in my arms and protect you from the rest of the world. I did on one occasion. You just hit me playfully and smiled up at me beautifully. But as soon as he came your attention left me. You turned those beautiful brown eyes to the man who would hurt you many times.
I could be on fire next to you and you would never notice as long as he was around. It was as if you were drawn to him. When he would go your eyes would linger on the last place you saw him. I would poke or tickle you to get your attention. You would give me a hard look but then smile that beautiful smile. That smile had my heart fluttering.
I even once embraced you. You didn’t shy away. You wrapped your arms around me. You placed your head against my chest. It felt so right as if we were compatible jigsaw pieces. You sighed and snuggled closer. Could you feel it? That our hearts were beating in sync. I held you tight as if my life depended on it. You didn’t hesitate when I pulled you closer. We pulled away eyes linking with each other. You looked so sure. Your eyes sparkled as you leaned forward. I felt my insides melt when you placed a kiss on my cheek.
That memory I will always treasure. While we had great memories we also had horrible ones. Like that one time we were arguing about something so stupid. You were so annoyed and focused on yelling at me that you didn’t see the steps. I wasn’t able to get to you in time. Watching you fall was horrible. He was there luckily to catch you. You wouldn’t talk to me for weeks after that, no matter how many times I apologized.
I was sitting watching TV; I can’t even remember what it was. You just plopped into my lap. At first you didn’t pay any attention to me, only looking forward at the TV. When you shifted on my lap oh god how it drove me crazy. Where you speaking to me again or were you just doing this to torture me? After some time you got up not saying anything. Just before you completely left the room you turned to me with your famous smirk. It was your way of saying everything was alright between us.
There were times when you were completely happy and I was torn. Like the day he asked you to be his. A happy tear slid down your face as you threw yourself on him. You smiled and you kissed. I turned my head away. I should be happy that you were happy right? I could never make you smile like that could I? I promised I would be happy for you as long as you were happy.
Somehow I survived watching the two of you together. I survived watching every embrace, every kiss and every I love you. Where you indecisive? You would be in his arms but still reached out for me. You would sit on his lap but hold my hand. Was it out of habit? I once tried to get you to let go. You looked up at me with questioning brown eyes. I smiled at you and told you I was just getting something to eat. I got caught up talking with Ryeowook in the kitchen. You actually came looking for me. You made me come back to sit beside you and him.
I knew you loved him but with gestures like that I kept my hopes up. Maybe it was those small touches that kept me from going insane at the same time though they drove me mad. You loved him so why did you need me? You looked at him as if he was your sun and your sky. So why did you make me your moon in the dark night sky?
I was there the first time you fought. He slammed the door walking away. You slid down the wall pretending to be strong. I could see the tears trying to well up in your eyes. I took your hand, you didn’t shake it off. You looked up at me your brown eyes becoming shiny from unshed tears. I pulled you up and took you to your favorite place. The smell of roses was over powering. You leaned your head against my shoulder watching as the petals danced in the wind.
He was waiting for you when we got back. You didn’t waste any time and walked straight into his arms. It hurt knowing that I was just a replacement, a means of escape for you. I wanted to just leave, to walk out of your life. But doing that would kill me more than you would ever know.
That wasn’t the worst of it though. What about the time he actually left you? You had had another fight, like always you came to my room and spent the night. When morning came like always you went back to your shared room. My heart was in pain seeing you leave me again but I didn’t voice it. You would normally spend the day making up. I did start to worry when night fell and I still hadn’t seen you.
I took a deep breath before opening you door. You were sitting there on the bed, something white in your hands. I walked up to you. You didn’t move. It was like you were frozen. I took the paper from your hand. You didn’t react. I skimmed through it my eyes widening. I saw you frown as a tear slid down your soft milky white cheek. I pulled you into a tight embrace. How could he do that to you? How could he leave the person he said was his life?
You barely ate. You barely spoke. To anyone but me you acted normal. They noticed you being drawn back but didn’t say anything. I spent my days providing you with food and water that you never took. I spent my nights watching you to make sure you were okay. You barely registered me there. Like always you could only focus on him.
It was so hard for me watching you fall apart and knowing it was his fault. It felt as if you were giving up on life. Why couldn’t you see I was there? Why is it that you never saw me? I had watched over you for a month and I couldn’t take it anymore. You had become so skinny. You had lost your shine, your beautiful glow. I stood up one night prepared to leave. Your hand acted lightening fast. It curled around my own hand. I looked back at you. Your lifeless eyes met mine.
“Stay with me”
Tears rolled down your face. It was the first time you had shown emotion. We lay on your bed. I held you in my arms as you cried. I whispered sweet nothings to you. That night and the next few nights you cried yourself to sleep in my arms.
I spent my every waking hour with you. Slowly ever so slowly you started becoming the person I had fallen in love with. Your eyes were gaining their sparkle back. Your lips would poke up at the corners into that beautiful smile. In no time you were laughing like you used to. We became practically inseparable.
One night lying in bed you turned to me. My eyes locked into your glowing ones. You pressed your rosebud lips ever so softly against mine. I froze. Never had you done anything like that before. I pulled away. Did you really love me? Or were you just using me as your escape again? I kissed you. I would just have to take my chance I told myself. It seemed like you really had changed. It seemed like you really did love me. Time only made our bond stronger.
One night I invited you to your favorite place. There I was going to tell you how I felt. You looked up at me with your sparkling eyes. The wind blew causing your silky black hair to fan out. Laughing I pushed your hair out of your face. That smile came across your lips. I opened my mouth to tell you how I felt. Your eyes widened before a word even escaped my lips.
I turned around following your eyes. There he was. What was he doing here? I felt angry. I wanted to hurt him the way he hurt you. But hurting him would hurt you right? You stood up. I could only watch as once again you ran into his embrace. If we weren’t supposed to be together why did I feel this way about you? Why was I granted the ability to love you with my whole heart if it was never to be returned? What was god’s plan? Was I to wonder around forever with this unrequited love?
Now even til this day you still don’t look at me. If he hadn’t come back maybe just maybe we would be together. What can I do when your eyes only see him? What could I say to show you I would never hurt you? But if I confess I would hurt you wouldn’t I? You would feel like you had to choose between us wouldn’t you? I couldn’t make you do that. It would be him you choose. It always has been and probably always will.
Maybe if I had the courage before. Maybe if I told you while he was gone it would e me with my arms around you. Why can’t you see how I feel? I want you to see me. I want you to notice me and only me. Even now you’re in his embrace. You still reach out for me. I can see you right hand feeling around trying to find mine. Your head pokes up and looks around. Why do you smile like that when you see me? Why do your eyes light up when they meet mine? Why can’t I let you go? Why can’t I move on?
I sigh and call myself stupid. Like always I walk up to you. Your hand reaches for me. Should I take it? Wouldn’t it be better t leave now? Your look up at me eyes sparkling. I smile and take your hand. Why is it that I can’t refuse you? Ah but I know why. It’s because I love you. I love you Kim Heechul.