The bubble finally burst.
I snapped today. Lol In the tamest way imaginable.
To start off the day, I literally woke up to a call from my mom. Turns out she was really hurt because I was making it seem like I didn't want her to be involved in my transition. I'm an idiot. Anyway that's all cleared up now. After the phone call though I ended up having to give two of my friends a crash course in trans 101, queer 101, and atheism 101 so I didn't get a chance to eat food until the afternoon. On the upside, I learned a few things myself just having to put it all into words. Lol all most my friends bug out at the word "surgery".
The cherry on top though was when my dad came home and in one conversation he used the female version of my name over and over and over again. Every single time he said my name he used the female version and I cringed every time. He never even noticed. I finally "snapped" when at supper time he said it again. I went all superman posey with clenched fists on my hips and he looked at me and I said "If any one calls me Victoria again, I'm going to punch them in the face." In other words, I tried to sorta joke it up, but seriously I was soooooo close to crying. I didn't cry, I held it in, which is probably not a good thing because I still feel like I wanna cry. On the one hand, I'm proud of myself for finally standing up for myself and correcting someone, which I've never done before, and at the same time I'm totally depressed that I wasn't more assertive about it (I didn't interrupt my dad, I waited until he was done talking and then for him to notice I was upset, and then when I corrected him it was jokingly instead of serious, I didn't tell my dad how much he had upset me)
So ya, I wanna stay in bed all day tomorrow. I know I need to be more patient but I can't help being frustrated that after two months already virtually no one appears to be making any effort at all with anything, be it names or pronouns, and especially not pronouns.
To start off the day, I literally woke up to a call from my mom. Turns out she was really hurt because I was making it seem like I didn't want her to be involved in my transition. I'm an idiot. Anyway that's all cleared up now. After the phone call though I ended up having to give two of my friends a crash course in trans 101, queer 101, and atheism 101 so I didn't get a chance to eat food until the afternoon. On the upside, I learned a few things myself just having to put it all into words. Lol all most my friends bug out at the word "surgery".
The cherry on top though was when my dad came home and in one conversation he used the female version of my name over and over and over again. Every single time he said my name he used the female version and I cringed every time. He never even noticed. I finally "snapped" when at supper time he said it again. I went all superman posey with clenched fists on my hips and he looked at me and I said "If any one calls me Victoria again, I'm going to punch them in the face." In other words, I tried to sorta joke it up, but seriously I was soooooo close to crying. I didn't cry, I held it in, which is probably not a good thing because I still feel like I wanna cry. On the one hand, I'm proud of myself for finally standing up for myself and correcting someone, which I've never done before, and at the same time I'm totally depressed that I wasn't more assertive about it (I didn't interrupt my dad, I waited until he was done talking and then for him to notice I was upset, and then when I corrected him it was jokingly instead of serious, I didn't tell my dad how much he had upset me)
So ya, I wanna stay in bed all day tomorrow. I know I need to be more patient but I can't help being frustrated that after two months already virtually no one appears to be making any effort at all with anything, be it names or pronouns, and especially not pronouns.