Starlight

[suikascented]

I'll probably neglect the commenting like I've been doing on my latests posts, but I'd really like to hear everyone out :DV　Meme from chimericalyours and la-soffitta:

Leave me an anonymous comment pouring your heart out. Say anything. Tell me your stories, your secrets, those things no one ever asks but you wish to tell. Tell me about your love, your hate, your

Comments

[anonymous]

You're going to know who this is right away but that's ok.

Recently, desde q te fuiste I've been feeling really lonely. It's not an overwhelming loneliness, so I couldn't quite put my finger on what exactly it was that's been bothering me but now that I think about it it must be that. I'm not sure where it's all coming from, but lately I feel like I want/need so much attention and reassurance. And I think my desperation for it is making me a bit annoying and probably just pushing people away. I wish I was like you sometimes. I don't know how you do it but you are so kind and everyone loves you. You have so many good friends. People who trust you. Everyone knows you at least a little well. I feel like a lot of my relationships are - not shallow, but not what they could be? I crave intimacy. To know that there are people who truly know and care about me? I get along with everyone but I'm not sure I have any real,close friends. Even on lj, I feel like no one wants to be my friend. They already all have their close friends and I can't seem to get any closer. So I wonder? Is it me? Am I the one who puts people off? And recently I feel like I'm not being totally real either. Wanting people to like me and to be close to people - I think it distorts me because then I find myself trying to cater to what others will think and I don't like that. I did this meme and pretty much no one commented and it made me feel like maybe people don't trust me. Like no one wants to say anything to me. It made me sad. And I think I need to think about the person I am right now and if that's someone I want to be. I've become really selfish again. Why does it have to be all about me? But recently it is for some reason. And I get jealous of you-know-who but you have no one to be jealous of because there is no one! Sometimes I think you're the only person that truly cares about me and I'm grateful to have you. Honestly, your friendship is probably the best thing that happened to me this last year. Cuando nos conocimos I was struck with your kindness and consideration. It was amazing. I felt like I was Subaru to your Yasu or something. And even as I write all of this I realize that I can't depend on other people to make me feel loved. This obviously means that right now there are things inside myself I'm not loving again and I need to start working on that again. I'm alone in my room and I just wish someone would IM or something. And the one person who is online who I want to IM I'm afraid to because I swear she won't like me if I keep talking to her abt stupid stuff and also I kind of want her to IM me. Talk about passive aggresive. I wish you were online. I miss you.

Sorry I wrote so much!! I don't know what I'd do without you.